Memories of Life...

What a week.. :S

2009-12-06T12:10:00.003+08:00

This week is truly a challenging one for me...
Since Monday till today morning, nothing seems to be right -- so I keep thinking, did I not tell myself to be relax and be happy always lately? Have I forgotten how to be happy for a moment? Haih...

When you were giving a responsibility to manage a project -- I would assume that you make all the decision and they will become your mentor... correct? That is what called Project Management. What happened was -- you crack your head analyzing from all angle and make a decision and communicated to everyone and agreed upon. Suddenly this manager step in out of no where (he already agreed earlier) and counter the decision you made -- telling everyone that the outcome should come out by this time instead of the dateline that you have set.. Oh my, I was so pissed off at the moment, frustrated and disappointed at the same time over him.

Given the costing paperwork to 2 managers to check if my write up and every details was correct -- since it is my first time to do this costing. Both of them checked and when I submitted the paperwork to Finance, one of the manager wrote back and told me that there's a mistake in the write up. Oh really? So I ran up to the 28th floor get back the paperwork and amended it. Pheww... then I resubmitted again. After a while, the other manager said to me, there's a mistake again. I ran up and get back the paperwork again and amended it again. This time I kindly requested her to help me check through if there's anything else we overlook. The manager said, everything looks fine. So I walked back up again and resubmitted to Finance again.
What a joke! The next morning, the first manager wrote to me again saying that there's a mistake again! What the hell are you guys trying to do to me? I have to run up and down for it and luckily the Finance manager was around. Guys, dont you know that this will make me look bad? Unorganized? Not careful in preparing my costing? How would I suppose to know how to calculate TIR that is why I learned, did it and let you guys to check and you guys keep on saying nothing wrong then amend something then nothing wrong and amend something with it again. I can go nuts!

These managers who I need their approval on the paperwork will go on leave anytime this month -- to clear up their leaves. So I get this manager to do us a favor, you review and sign then put on your table since you are travelling next week onwards. He called this morning and asked me "You dont know how to do it in one page ka? No one teach you?" What the... If I knew and if there's anyone telling me that it has to be on a one pager thing -- what the heck should i go and do in 2 pages instead? If my write up was so long and a lot to justify the costing -- if I shrink it into a page, it would be too small for review, it would look brainless and unprofessional, why do I wanted to do that?
Sometimes I would say these people do not know how to talk properly or use their words properly with people they are working with. Human management failed though you are said to be a manager.

It is important to know different people have to be approached differently. Was so hard to be understood?

Somehow I dont care anymore how you manage your people but please just dont pick on me and start bullying me. I had done more at work compare to any of your so called permenant staffs but still I am in the position I am.

What a week.. everything doesnt seems right. Work, relationship and family.. darn, what have go wrong? I cant even sleep well the whole week and cried few times.. OMG...

Hate all this but what to do, it's life :S

Wish next week will be better.. :S

Love,
Shin

It's coming! It's coming! :)

2009-12-01T14:28:00.001+08:00

Am so happy when I got the email notification from the company that they are shipping my christmas gift for someone will be arriving soon to KL.

Cant wait to get it and give it to him... Really do hope he'll like it :)

He's been away for 3 days now.. hope he's doing fine there with the scary weather (o degree celcius :S)...

Love,
Shin :)

Off he goes to UK :S

2009-11-29T11:38:00.002+08:00

My dear just left for UK yesterday night -- His parents and I were there to send him off. How miserable was my heart at that moment, worrying will he be ok over there for a long month. I knew he would take care, just worried if suddenly he will be too 'gang hor' at some events :P
While I was driving back from KLIA -- tried hard to control myself from shedding any tears and I kept telling myself that he will be back soon, just be patience :)

Woke up in the morning and the first thing I remember to do is to write him an email :) Tried hard to remember his yahoo email, but failed (temporary memory loss again :S) so I decided to wrote to his hotmail instead :P
After click on the send button and done everything... I realized he has a simple blog too...

It made me sad when I read through all the postings as he sounded sad everytime... which I hope that i can help or even not becoming the cause of it. Sometimes, I wish I can tell him that I love him the way he is, but there are things in our live which is not good or negative, we have to try hard to change it and leave it behind... It is these effort taken that will determine how far can we go. No point of loving someone but there's no growth within you to become a better person.

I guess everyone have their ups and downs and I believe both of us are going through the same thing daily -- we might be pissed off by someone, something or whatever and then that made our day... How important it is for us to realize what's wrong and then mend our life back before it got worse.

Seriously, I was crying when I got to read his blog. To sense the unhappiness he had previously and later in our relationship -- all because after my birthday. It was after my birthday that things exploded within me all because I was having so much expectations over him. Now I knew I shouldnt, so I just tell myself that, birthday is just a normal day, dont make a big fuss about it and make yourself and others unhappy. Celebrated or not celebrated will not be an issue anymore. If someone remembers or have a special plan for you on your birthday, then it's a blessing. If not? You wont die either, life still goes on...

I wonder how he is now in his flight... 2 more hours and he'll reach London... Hope the weather is ok there :S
May God bless him everyday :)

Love,
Shin :)

Unexpected visitors :)

2009-11-20T18:54:00.003+08:00

Don't ever bother what people write about their life as it is not yours... why you wanted to bother so much about it if it doesn't relate to you or... are you admitting that you are the culprit?? :)

Someone just left some comments over here few weeks ago... and doesn't even understand the words he r she's trying to say as people without an identity if just plain to be ignored.

Suspects:

Some angry people who are struck by jealousy on something that they cant do..
Some past acquaintances who had betrayed me and now are dissatisfied over things written which he will never admit
Some childish people who has nothing better to do..

Done.. have to go back and work on my project. Need to travel to Penang next Monday.
May God bless the bastard!

Love,
Shin

So called father.. I had enough!

2009-09-28T19:41:00.003+08:00

From the moment my mum told me what had happened -- I hate him for the rest of my life.
He has not been a good father since we were born -- been abusing my mum since they got married, left us 6 years ago and now, he's back doing more harm to mum.

I cant believe he has not realized his mistakes and all the sins he had got himself into and now he is making me hating him more. He's trying to sell off the house in Raub and get rid of my mum from there.

I swore to myself, when the day comes and he's dying, I will not even step into his grave -- perhaps this is my biggest sin but I had enough of this idiot man treating my mum this way, making her sad every time.

Lost moment :S

2009-09-22T19:36:00.002+08:00

Felt so sluggish today -- from the point I woke up from a short nap just now. Felt tired and refused to get up but looking at those magazines piling up on the floor, I know I have to get up and get ride of them today :S

Miss mum so terribly today -- maybe because that this bad daughter has realized that she hasnt been spending much quality time with the mother lately. Although I called home often, 3 to 4 times a week but those phone calls were nothing when I went home over the weekend and spent time with her :)
Something hits me hard and I told myself that I will spend more time with her after this and make her happier.. I love you mom :)

It's been a very quiet week since last Monday till today -- for me. Guess it is a moment for my head to relax and get hold of some reality for myself.. Time for me to think over things in my life at the moment and determine what I really wanted and what can I achieve..

Had some bad dreams lately -- chased by a big snakes, arguments with Kent, mom was sick, I died in accident and etc... not forgetting few dreams related to my ex (Oh, the point is, whenever a dream has his appearance, I consider it as a bad dream -- why in the world / hell do you still wanted to dream about those human being? :S)

Going back to work tomorrow... cant wait to do some testing with Brazil, Czech Republic and Dubai... Another day :)

Have to get back some inspiration to work and write :)

Love,
Shin :S

I'm 24! :)

2009-09-15T21:14:00.009+08:00

"May I know who is Kylee? Here are some flowers for her"
I heard a lady asking Susan and in her hands were some beautiful pink roses.

I was on the phone with Tonny (vendor) and couldnt walked over to receive the flowers... My heart was actually pumping fast and in my mind was actually asking "Could it be him?"... "I hope it's from him..." but then after a few seconds, my logical sense kicks in and tells me that -- that would be impossible. Right after this realization, I thought of 2 things -- 1. The flowers must be from Madam Vachala and 2. It reminds me of the red and pink roses that Ricardo (PH) sent me on his birthday last November... :)

I didnt really check out the flower as Anum brought it over to my desk... I just let it lay down there on the table -- I do not want to be too 'kecoh' about it, scared it will somehow generates some envy or jealousy around the office. I just keep it low... Still I was a bit disappointed looking at the flowers.. Then I tell myself -- stop thinking too much and hope nor expect too much..

So, hereby I would like to share with you my blessings for the year -- 24 years old birthday blessings and love from people around me.

Sree's Birthday wish says "stay the same -- stay the way you are coz you are the best the way you are now" --- Thanks Sree! :)

My 1st present from Sree -- around 11am (11th Sept 09) he called me to complained that I sent him too much emails. He requested me to go over to his cubicle and explain to him on some of the emails before he goes on leave. I reached there and taa daa! Surprise! He handed me this present with a Kinokuniya plastic bag -- hehe, he knew I love books :)

Went back home and I waited till it was 12am (12th Sept 09 -- my birthday) then I opened the present from Sree and guess what! It's a joke book! Love it so much.
Sree says in his card "Hope you'll laugh your butt out!"
Wakakaka...

My 2nd present -- 11th Sept 09, at nite after work almost the whole department were hanging out at a bistro in Glenmarie -- Eat Work-Shop. We were having fun snacking, drinking and laughing throughout the whole nite when it was around 9.40pm... Surprise!
The waiter carried a small cake out! It was so pretty with a dark chocolate plate saying "Happy Birthday Shin!" Thanks guys for making my day! Love ya all so much!

Everyone sang the birthday song to me and I make a wish!
"I wish I will be able to be in this DHL Family after my 6 months contract end -- this time stays as a permenant employee and I AM GONNA CLIMB THE LADDER UP!!!!"
Hehehe... and my 2nd wish was to be happy always and to be care free no matter what..
My 3rd wish -- my mom will always stays healthy and happy and safe back in Raub
My 4th wish -- Hope my dear will always be happy and doing well in everything that he's indulging in.
God Bless everyone! :)

The silly Wilfred was wishing me to get an Indian boyfriend soon... OMG :P

After 3 days my birthday has passed by -- today (15th Sept 09) I received a special surprise from Vachala. A bouquet of pink roses.
OMG.. Madam... you scared me :P
Still I am very blessed and grateful to have someone who sayang me so much in the office.
Thanks a million Madam :)

Nanta forced me to take a photo with the roses and he said I look like a tikus mondok (in my FB).
At least a photo for my memory... :)

The special birthday card from everyone in the department.
Thanks guys!
Love ya all!

Well, that is it. I am glad that for this birthday I am still manage to have a few photos for remembrance... :)

Love

Bye Bye Tabbee... :(

2009-08-19T19:13:00.007+08:00

I cant stop myself from crying once I got the news from Andy..
"Halo, Andy? So did you manage to find Tabbee??"

There's a pause in my heart when I was asking this to Andy as I am really afraid of what I will hear from Andy soon....
"Tabbee fell down. Dead d....."
My heart stop for a moment -- I couldn't accept what I heard... He's only 2 months old...

I was looking forward to come home after work to play with this little fella.. Part of me were saying that, if I could come home earlier, he might not have fell... Suddenly, I have lost a little buddy to play with, a friend who would cheer me up after a tired day at work..

I started crying in the car... when I reached the car park, I couldn't stop myself from thinking of him, his little cute and adorable face... I couldn't stop myself from imagining how he had fall from the balcony.. oh my god...

Get into the house, I cant forget his little cute paws stepping out from the corner of the hall and ran towards me as if he's been waiting for me to get home and play with him. I still remembered the time I was playing hide and seek with him around the sofa... It was still fresh in my mind of the way he looked at me this morning when I was drying my clothes... His eyes just sparkles and a cute smile.. And now he's gone already...

I miss him so much... :'(
Tabbee....

In grieve..
Shin :'(

Tabbee -- The new member in the house :)

2009-08-16T21:07:00.004+08:00

Went for rock climb at Damai today around 8.30am and I only managed to climb for 2 routes. I had never been there since my last trip 6 months ++ ago and it sort of thrilled me today to be there again. Unfortunately, bad enough, I didn't manage to finish any of the routes as my arms tires easily... shall try again next round :)

It's good to have a cat at home now -- Tabbee -- my bro in law bought him for MYR700 and he's only 2 months old.. :)

It feels great to play with him because no matter how bad the day you had outside with people around you, you come back home and see him sitting here looking at you innocently -- ready to have some fun with you -- all my worries and unhappiness gone away. Its true, I really do love animals especially cats and dogs as they will never abandon me no matter what and I will never feel lonely with them around -- not as complicated and troublesome as human being... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Reflecting on Life

2009-08-11T09:56:00.004+08:00

Since a couple of weeks before, I checked my mailbox almost everyday... the result = no news from any company yet! Erm... this really torn down my faith and motivation to work -- I know I know... I have to be patience and keep my eyes open, but sometimes, I get tired too being in this situation. I have no doubt that I am performing in my work now but I just dont understand why they prefer to retain people who generates such negative energy to the working environment and team rather than keeping me in the circle? I am definately have no doubt on my working performance or attitude towards colleagues.. but it just amazed me sometimes...

Surin texted me last Friday night saying that although Yasmin has rejected my contract renewal but they (Surin and the other managers) are still trying to keep me. To be honest that night I could harldy sleep though I told everyone that I just read his message around 2am.. I lied somehow.. after reading his text, his short text message which should made me feel relieve or convince that they still havent give up on me.. instead, it caused me to have so much bad dreams that night..
I wasnt as peaceful anymore as I think I am...

Inside of me, I am crying already -- thinking why life must be so harsh on me in everything I do. But my head is telling me I have to stay positive and be strong -- not to let anyone under estimate myself as they have yet to know who I am. I have to have faith in what I am going through now and I have to remind myself that I am blessed to have such wonderful people around me that had helped me so much through this hard time...

Kenneth, Mr.Zul, Surin, Nanta, Kwan, Beckz -- Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate the help in looking out jobs for me.. I owe u guys a big one! :)

So much happened lately in the office -- all about human relationship management :P
What clever moves is it to keep yourself comfortable around people you are working with and as well as what is the strategy to keep people around you comforatble working with you without causing you trouble and hassle and in the same time enable you to perform.. these are really interesting things to discuss about as I believe everyone has their own thoughts on this :)

Yesterday was Uncle Stephen and Bro Jea Farn's Birthday! Happy Birthday!
The day before yesterday was Kenneth's dad's Birthday! Happy Birthday Uncle Chan! :P
The day before again was Evon's ROM (Marriage Registration) -- Congrats sis!

So much happened around me... and it's interesting...
Let me post up some of my happy memories in DHL soon in my future blogs to let you know why it's sad for me to leave... :(

Love ya all so much! God bless!

Love,
Shin :)

Swimming? Erm....

2009-08-04T19:20:00.003+08:00

"Should I go down or shouldn't I?" -- This was the only question bothering me at the moment... Okay okay, you must be thinking going down to where (I'm sure if Arujun heard this, his mind would be fantasizing something else :P)... I was thinking whether to go down to the swimming pool or not..

The fact is that "I do not know how to swim" and this fact has been killing me for years :S Self confidence I guess what the reason that till now I am still lost with this sport :P
No no, not because of the swimwear -- I don't bother how people will look at me also as I dont look that bad what :P... Self confidence here would refer to the lack of confidence on myself in taking up and learning it -- then on how people look and think when they see you holding that swimming board at this age :P

I know I know, learning of course I cant be shy with all these but just cant help it :)
I will go down later and I hope I wont get myself drown ... :S

Love,
Shin (scared of water... joking! :P)

I wanna be happy :)

2009-07-28T09:59:00.001+08:00

Everyday you wake up and wondering what's ahead that you'll be facing. You blink your eyes for a few times not knowing that you have wasted a few seconds of your life sitting there being confused and grumpy.

Get up and touch the sky with your hand... even you cant reach that high yet, keep trying and you'll reach it sooner or later.. I wanna smile my way through it.. :) God bless..

Love,

Shin :)

A Tribute -- Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-27T19:00:00.004+08:00

As you sit down and recall back those special ads you watch over the years during festive seasons, you hardly notice who was the creative mind behind all those stories -- the stories that touches each and every of our heart. This time around, we have lost another great life story teller, Yasmin Ahmad..

Tributes were everywhere -- over the radio, television, blogs and social networking sites.. As the DJ were reading out tributes from the public, I cant stop my tears from flowing when each and every of those words bring back such a great amount of memories that I once had and the feeling that I used to and still having whenever I watch all her movies and ads.. She's one of a kind..

Colors of skin and culture should never be the boundaries for us to live together, t share life together, to cry together and yet to grow old together... What if you are a Chinese, Malay or Indian -- does the difference in the races and skin colors make you any lesser than a normal human being?

I am blessed to have wonderful friends around me and guess what, all of them are from different races... I have Dilla -- my close friend who I can share my feelings and thoughts with. I have Ramesh, Ken Mee and Lee Ming -- who we grew up together with. I have Mr.Zul -- who has never give up on me and giving me all the support he could all the time. I have Surin -- my boss who will never forget to appreciate each and everything you do. I have Yen -- who has been there for me for the past years where I had a unsupportive relationship. I have Lydia -- who was there whenever I needed a company. I have Kwan -- who I can bully all the time and at the same time being bullied by him too :) I have Ricardo -- who always believe in me and have me in his memory.. and now I have Ken -- who always accept the way I am and love me for who I am...

I have a lot to write today but the smell of my Aunt's cooking just made me lost in my own 'food' fantasy world... stomach is growling...

Lirik Pergi - Aizat (OST Talentime)

Sayu terpisah
hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
berhembus angin rindu
begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu
hujan lebat mencurah kini
bagaikan tiada henti
kaulah laguku kau irama terindah
tak lagi kudengari
kau pergi.. pergi..
sepi tanpa kata
terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
apa pun kata mereka
biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia

Love all of you so much...
Shin :)

Shape Putrajaya Run :)

2009-07-26T11:11:00.002+08:00

Oh... Just woke up after almost 9 hours of sleep -- recovery from the exhaustion I had from yesterday run :P
I was participating in the Fun Run (non-competitive) which is 5km and I manage to complete it in 32 mins -- erm.. 5 minutes of improvement from my gym record :) Was thinking should I train more to improve my endurance and stamina or should I upgrade to 10km? One thing for sure, my mind wasn't strong enough yet and this is the part I have to take care of first :P

Kenneth and the others were running in the 11.5km and Kenneth manage to complete it under 1 hour and 10 mins (a timing for a sick person - fever - not bad not bad) and I'm proud of him.. Faeez and the others did more than 1 hour and 20 mins :)

Ok ok... I need to brush my teeth and bath then... maybe continue to sleep again? wahahahaha :P

Love ya all... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Just Plain Lousy... :(

2009-07-25T10:22:00.003+08:00

I miss my hometown buddies but none willing to make some free time for me..
When I said that I am upset -- I was again put to blame..
I blame myself for caring so much for them -- be there for them when they need someone to talk to..
But when it's my time -- who do I turn to?

Lousy,
Shin :(

Had fun --> Ouch!

2009-07-21T08:03:00.007+08:00

Another though week searching for job... My Maxis application has once again (the first time was during my internship) being rejected -- damn! :S

Am now awaiting the others to respond while browsing through more... life is so difficult sometimes.. guess this is the challenge that I need to go through before anything that will come waving at me with a smile :)

Went to FRIM on Saturday and it was indeed a great outdoor day I had for quite a long time. Reason why I enjoyed it so much was because the fact that we (me and the gang) managed to snap a lot of photos -- crazy and sweet photos that is :)

These are things that will remind all of us of the fun of exploring a whole new world with friends and also new friends that you got to know while exploring :) Ken Mee followed us to FRIM last saturday too and I was glad he did. There was a bit of complains about others delaying the trekking up to the canopy walk and what I would say to him was -- "Bro, chill and relax. Have fun. This is not a competition." -- Whenever I am travelling in a group, I tends to make sure everything is happy and OK. Guess those who always thinking of reaching as the first or leaving the others behind would reflect something in their life -- how they are going to deal and take care of their love ones around them.. Key word for the day -- be patience :P

Then on Sunday, Kenneth and I joined Siew's team at the Skytrex, Bukit Cahaya -- It's something like flying fox and obstacles way up high (around 15 to 20 meters from the ground) :) Of course, we had fun there but the excitement and fun I had there was not as good as the FRIM -- I get to know new friends but the Skytrex I wasnt introduce to much people :) Oh, nvm...

Another boring morning... My tentative for today would be:

Skype and disturb Dilla

Skype and disturb Anum

Skype and disturb Susan

Waiting for Kenneth to Skype :P

Finishing up my to-do-list for the day

Copy the applications discussion outcome from the white board -- must do today!

Thinking and strategize for Restaurant City :P

Eating eating and eating (miss Ramlee burger d :(... )

Think of what else to do...

Till then all.. Shall post more photos in here over the weekend as the connection was way lousy in the evening till midnight time :S

Wish me all the best of getting a job ya. Pray pray pray....

Love,

Shin :)

Sleepy -- a quick one :P

2009-07-18T00:14:00.002+08:00

Lately been having a very weird feeling -- I kept thinking of giving up on things that I am having or doing now -- no matter it's work, relationship, interest, family or anything...
Dont know what caused me to felt this way but I really do hope it goes away soon enough... :S

At last! Manage to get Mr.Zul online... haih, it's never easy to get the opportunity to chat with him -- at times I thought he had forgotten me and had become best buddies with my ex :S Hehehehe... sorry ler I pikir camni.. cant help it la bro :P

Going for jungle trekking tomorrow at FRIM. Who's joining? Let me see -- Zul and his 5 other friends, Shin Khai, Kenneth, Ker Soon and Ken Mee :)
So, today's entry would just be a short one as I am heading to bed already... nite nite guys!

KD -- rindu akak la... meh la keluar sama sama next time... jgn pergi dah kenduri... penat jer :P wakakaka

Kwan -- you book ticket d or not???!!!!

Love & sleepy,
Shin :P

Moody moody...

2009-07-16T07:51:00.002+08:00

Waking up in the morning with a cloudy mood in my head -- Keep asking myself why is it so hard to get over what people said or commented about you. Sometimes, when people said something to you and it's funny and make others luagh -- I would consider it as a joke! But when you said something to a person and the others not even dare to say a word or they just laugh within themselves -- Shouldnt that sounds more like an insult or what I say "stupid" f***ing joke?

Okay --- actually I woke up around 4am... Dont know what to do, so I went online, the connection was slow so I decided to do my laundry. It took me around 15 minutes with it then I though I can get back to sleep -- I CANT FALL ASLEEP! Tossing around from left to right and to left again, but my mind just seemed so blur and I just couldnt sleep till 6.15am when I started to feel sleepy again :S
Try texting but guess the person was sleeping soundly too as there's no reply -- or maybe my text message no longer wake that person up anymore..
What a miserable morning I had -- but it shouldnt stop me from having a great day ahead :)

Lately I had been thinking about getting a job as soon as possible that it made me stress up again :S It's just so hard to get a single reply from those vacancies that you are interested in... God bless me and I really do need a lot of moral support and motivation from people and things around me... gotten kinda sensitive lately due to this -- trying to get my mind free every weekend. Hope no one will piss me off during this difficult time around -- if I could put on a smiley face and you still piss me off -- OMG, I couldnt imagine what will come out from my mouth or I wont even talk to that person already...

Arrggghhhhh!!!!!
K.D, I tengah bengang nie!!! Camne nie...?? Bila nak gi gila gila ngan Shin nie? I nak ambik gambar banyak banyak la.. :S

Kwan Wai Pang -- I tell you ar, you better book your ticket next week to come over KL, or else ... hehehehe...

Need to start work d... gambate to myself and hope the day ahead is promising enough and brings happiness.. :)

Love,
Shin :)

What does a woman lies a lot about?

2009-07-13T21:20:00.002+08:00

Just got home from a jog at Taman Aman -- today the 5 rounds were so easy, no difficulty at all, was thinking is it because of the iPod that helped? Maybe :) Good thing though so next time I shall put my iPod on and RUN! :P

Was listening to the Fly.FM Rush Hour this evening and the topic that Jules and Prem brought up was "What do women lie most about?" -- Some callers called in and said things which were quite expected such as -- age, weight, relationship status and blah blah blah...
For me, there is one thing that women lie most about -- our feelings. We often cared so much about the things around us, especially how people look and judge us that we tend to say things to please people around at times which we dont really feel that way. Maybe some of you can say that this sounds hiprokrit but it's true. Men do the same too but perhaps no as critical as ladies do. :)

So, I asked myself -- "What did I lied about recently?"... Most of it was a sin that I lied to my mom when she asked me where was I over the weekend.. I was -- the truth = went hiking with Kenneth -- the lie = I was out watching movie :S
The reason behind this was when everytime I share with her what I was doing over the weekend, she was not being supportive and happy for the things I do. I dont find hiking or climbing wrong for any reasons as long as I take good care of my safety and I go with someone I can count on. It wasnt a bad thing nor a crime but.. she just worried without reasons and start accusing me for something that I did not do -- which sometimes, it made me reluctant to share with her what I gone through with work and friends anymore... Sometimes you just hope a person would just listen and be supportive and trust you.. This was something that which I said that we, overall no matter what gender, would lead us to lie...

I used to share these experiences of where I went and who I met or what I do with Uncle Stephen and Auntie Yong or maybe sometimes friends like Kwan or Lydia or Dilla... but lately everyone just seems so quiet... I miss uncle and auntie already.. Lydia also... it's been almost a few months we never see each other... haih :S

Sometimes, women tend to lie how they feel when people ask them "Are you feeling ok?" -- reason being was we tend to prove that we are strong and tough, very often forgetting that we are not as strong and tough as men --> which is the fact! We do not wanted to be look down in any way by the other sex as we had been said to be the 'fragile' one and been judge as the least important.. That's another reason why women lie about their feelings :)

When being asked "Are you ok, or is there something wrong?" -- I tend to answer that everything is fine, although sometimes it was hurting inside or was feeling confused. The reason from me would be -- the less word being spoken, the less harm done. Sometimes, you just never know how that person would react to your answer for that "Are you ok, or is there something wrong?" type of question... Sometimes, I keep silent and try to imagine or think how that person would react to each and every words I would say later on (managing the expectation) -- will that person be calm enough to listen to the problems I am having? Will that person be supportive enough to give good advise / solutions with a logical and positive attitude? Will that person be caring enough to just listen and give me a pat on my back (or a hug from someone that I love) without uttering a word and just figure out the solutions he / she can think of later? Will that person just be darn emotional and start stumping his / her feet in front of me or start screaming her lungs out at me when I said how I feel? Will each of my words that truly came from the heart breaks the friendship or relationship? -- these are all the concerns...

That's why I can truly tell everyone here that I am a person who is very careful with my words -- the politness and proper words to be used with different people.. I do not like rudeness, every words used against me is something that I used to judge a person -- whether he or she is mature enough, still childish, emotional, kepohchi or etc...

That's why some friends always said that I might look talkative or quiet at times, but beware as I am observing... hahaha... this was said by my close friends back in hometown... maybe or maybe not... They said that I am a dangerous creature... Dangerous creature but still want to hangout with me... Who is crazier and dangerous then? :P Hahahaha

My hair at last -- SHORT! It reminds me f my Form 2 photo... I look exactly like that age.. OMG! Surprisingly, Kenneth said that I look cute (blushing) and mom said I look better with this haircut :P
Thank u thank u !

Nite everyone... I planned to go in to office very early tomorrow, maybe around 6.30am.. so I need to have my beauty sleep now :P

Aih... miss my dear d.... :P

Love,
Shin :P

Broga Hill Hike (Saturday) -- Cancelled! :P

2009-07-12T15:54:00.003+08:00

Yesterday morning supposed to be the day for our Broga Hill hike -- me and Kenneth of course.. Too bad that suddenly it rained in the morning and when we reached there (after we got lost in the Semenyih town for a while), OMG there were so many cars around -- a lot of people were hiking on that day. Furthermore the sky was getting darker and darker... We decided to camcelled the hiking plan for the day and go for a Morib excursion trip! :P

Before we go to Morib, we dropped by at the Putrajaya new sports centre -- I was feeling a bit 'itchiness' with my legs and hands d since the hiking was cancelled in the morning so I was joking to hike up those little man-made hills in Putrajaya... We were laughing about that silly idea till we came to the sports centre look-out point!
We stopped the car by the road side and guess what! We climb up the hill using the drainage and the slopes with slippers! I was thinking -- people sure say this people went nuts and got nothing else better to do -- but I can tell you that, I enjoyed it a lot. Though it's something simple but the fun of doing it (of course it's not against the law) and sharing that fun with someone you love is great! Hope Kenneth enjoyed it too :P

The we head to Morib -- on the way, Kenneth said he wish to have banana for snacks while on our way driving to Morib. We passed a makcik stall selling bananas and I was confidently telling him that there will be another (maybe a lot more) such stalls in front -- he were doubting so we have a bet :P
After some few kilometres, at last, there's a run down stall selling bananas... RM 1 for 1kg = CHEAP! I do not know what this type of banana called but it was nice and sweet. We finished the whole bunch by the time we reached Morib :P

Overall our journey yesterday was like this:

My house --> 7 Eleven for 100 Plus and mineral water --> Char Siu Pau Shop, nyum nyum :P --> Semenyih (got lost :P) --> Broga Hill (cancelled coz raining) --> Petronas Toilet :P --> Putrajaya Sports Centre --> Putrajaya Sports Center Look Out Point (which we were planning to fake it as the Broga Hill peak :P heheheh) --> Morib beach --> Tanjung Sepat bridge --> Bagan Lalang beach --> Tanjung Sepat SeaFood Restaurant for lunch --> Tanjung Sepat Pau Shop, nyum nyum --> Dong Zen Temple (superb beautiful) --> Sunway (bath) --> The Curve, Home Deco fair :) --> Back to home! --> Room's door was lock from within --> no key can open it --> BREAK the door knob --> a night rest without a door knob :S

Energy level -- Start journey 7am =98%
Energy level -- End of journey 10.30pm = 5%
Hahahahaha

I shall post our journey yesterday with more interesting storylines soon... now I need to bath and head back to Raub :P

Love,
Shin :P

Chic Peas :P

2009-07-10T09:38:00.002+08:00

Woke up in the morning -- first thing that came to my mind is to cook the chic peas! :P
I wanted to bring it over as a gift when I had lunch later with Ken.. :)

On leave today -- at least another rest day for me. Had a great rest -- I doozed off around 10.10pm and woke up at 6.30am (realized that I do not need to work today :P) and then went back to sleep till 8.35pm and I said to myself "Aiyoyo, lupa wake him up at 8am!"... But no worries, he will always get up at the time he wants -- not like us, sleep is the best hobby in the world! Hahaha... :P

Something interesting happened yesterday -- a simple survey done by Siva and Melinda during our lunch session: "What you think that makes a man having affair with another woman when he's already in a relationship (married or dating la)?"
Siva was actually targetted me and Salina for that question when suddenly Salina said Siva shouldnt be asking me coz I am not married yet -- Siva said "No no, dont said like that. This girl can answer, you will never know!" --> true enough Siva, I might not be married or have a lot of relationships before, but I believe there are certain things that I understand and went through that no one been there before -- same goes to each and everyone of you who are reading this..

Some of us might have been betrayed in a relationship before -- Some of us might have a miscommunication in a relationship before -- Some of us might not know that our anger problem is not working out for a relationship -- Some of us might have been abused mentally or physically before -- And so much more... I believe our journeys are definately differently from each other, either they help you to grow emotionally or they breaks you just like that -- and thank God that my past taught me and made me realized that I have a better future ahead.

Ok, back to Siva's survey...
Salina answers:

Sex could be the reason -- a man feeling dissatisfied in sex with his partner and found someone who could satisfied him out there
Partner should always spice things up in the relationship especially when the door is closed and the lights is off
Give and take or compromising is the key in a successful relationship

True enough what Salina said and I agreed, but below are my justification:

Feeling dissatisfied can never be and excuse for all the betrayal. If a man feeling dissatisfied with the partner sexually and he opt to go out and get another woman to satisfied him -- does he ever know / asked if the wife is satisfied with his performance on the bed too? This can never be a valid excuse of betraying and breaking up your partner's heart.
Values -- it's a bout values one hold in his or her life. There is no right or wrong sometimes in a relationship but it really about one's values on how he or she looks at things. The man may say it's for his own good (self-satisfaction) but have he ever sit down and think deeply on what impact it will cause to the partner? It's not all about yourself when you are in a relationship (and if you are thinking of a journey together with this person in your life) -- it involves other souls too.
Always remember to think -- before you do something / take a risk, always try to be in one's shoes and think about how would they feel or think if you did this to them and how would you feel if thy did the same to you? I'd been through one who never consider how hurtful the things he does to me and I can tell you here now that, sometimes, always use your brain and not your heart to make a decision. Think before you act..
At the end of the day, it's all about communication. If 2 person are smart enough they will know how to work out that relationship -- the vital ingredients for every relationship are different. Some need to do a lot of talking, some just need to get physical and some might just need some emotional maturity to deal with it. Some couples like to hug each other when things goes wrong. Some just need to be silent and think through it and get peace from it. Some just like to fight over it. Some just prefer to stay away from each other.
I have more to say but I am just plain lazy to type today :P

A friend asked me yesterday through skype "What kind of people that you are scared of or dislike?"... I answer her with a laugh:

I dont like someone like my dad -- always angry all the time, it's like a mental torture staying with him
I dont like people who cheat on me -- they will get their karma soon
I am scared of people scolding me or raise their voice (with anger) to me -- I dislike it a lot as I think it's very immature and sometimes I am afraid that I cant hold myself and I slap that person --> things might got worse from there :P Wahahaha
I am scared of my mom -- I'm scared that she will leave me someday and I have no one to turn to for a mother daughter joke or gossip :S
I dislike people who think himself / herself is so great -- no need to tell who la
I am scared of people who are abusive like my dad -- mental and physical torture :S
I hate people who do not know how to deal with things in a mature way -- what they use is force, violence, anger and self torture!

Ok, my chic peas are almost ready... need to prepare it first :P
Love ya all...

Love,
Shin :P

10km --> completed!

2009-07-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

Was feeling a bit reluctant to run earlier this evening but luckily I managed to drag myself down to the gym -- what made me more excited was the gym was vacant! No intruders! Hahaha :P

Started running, I set my mind to only run for 6km today by beating the earlier timing -- the something hits me and was telling me "Dont push yourself -- run the distance first, dont run the timing"... oh ok then :)
Started running with my iPod playing in my ears -- music really distract me from keep on looking at the monitor -- how far and how long have I run.. :)
Somewhere around 3km that I decided today I wanted to complete 10 km instead of 6km! I manage to finish 5km in 38 mins.. My legs was feeling heavy somewhere around my 7km and my mind weaken -- oh no!!!
However, I still manage to complete my 10km at 74mins and 38 seconds... hu... what a tiring session... :P
Was so satisfied with the run -- but there's one mistake I made, I was increasing the speed just to finish it faster -- no good no good... should be consistent, no wonder I felt my whole body aching now :S

Had a great time back in office today... Surprisingly, a lot of people were asking about my contract status today -- Siva asked, Khoo asked, Zul and Harliza asked, Anum asked, Madam V asked, Susan asked... aiyoyo... pening nak jawab :P
Surin just said dont hope too much but always strive for the best :)
I really like this boss..

Was planning to go to jog tomorrow in the park... but then I changed my mind -- was thinking about bowling :P Since my dear wont be able to accompany me for jog tomorrow as he's having dinner with friends then I was thinking maybe I can asked Sree and the others for a bowling session tomorrow :P
Harap harap jadi la... or else I'll come home and watch TVB series :P

Aiyo... body aching d... suddenly miss my dog Popeye so much and especially DoDo (my dog which has passed away 8 years ago..) miss DoDo... She's a labrarador Retriever which is very very beautiful... I have a lot of her photos.. I shall scanned and post it up soon :)

Tired d.. going to FB then I shall sleep... nite everyone :)

Love,
Shin :)

Raining.. I love it.. :)

2009-07-07T22:07:00.004+08:00

People always say that "the rain will wash away memories.." but for me, the rains will always brings back memories... at least the good and memorable ones :)

It was raining in KL -- thank God for the rains as KL was extremely hot lately. At least it lower down the weather and we can all sleep soundly tonight under the blanket :)
I was in the car with Kenneth.. while he was driving, my attention was directed to those raindrops falling onto the car -- the motion of the raindrops and the beautiful sound it creates... I love raining (though it makes my car dirtier then usual :P)... Suddenly some memories came back to me which I was kinda surprised with them :)

I still remember the first time he brought me to this 'tong sui' stall in Seksyen 17 months ago... it was rainy season too that time but that particular day was a Wednesday and it didnt rain.. I remember that he was wearing a black shirt which he has folded the sleeves into half up to his elbow and a pair of jeans with his white Nike shoes.. hehe, of course that time his hair was not as short as the way it is now :) I couldnt reall what 'tong sui' he had that day -- either bubur chacha or red bean soup... I was having the 'mak chuk tong sui'... We had a quick but a nice little lite dinner together that day.. :)
I'm missing those moments... I felt blessed that we were having the same tonight -- the only difference between then and now would be the bond builded between us :)
I felt warm to be by his side today.. felt sweet and being appreciated..

I bought him some cakes today -- without any reason. I hope he likes it and yeap, he love them :)
The fact is that I love surprises -- giving and receiving of course :P And I believe that presents or whatever it is, should never comes only during any special occasion -- it should always comes with your heart desire.. That's me... :P

We went to visit some kittens at a pet store in DU... This is the 5th times we went to this shop and I hope the owner wont be mad at us playing their kittens and not buying anything :P
The kittens were so cute and I really really wish I can have my own very very soon... A short hair and cute playful one... grey color with blue eye maybe :P
Maybe one like the below... hehehhe

Browsed through some job posting today and had came across some interesting jobs -- will apply tomorrow hopefully, since Surin and Salina will not be in AM, I would have sufficient time to do my own 'personal' things ... hehehe...
Another 1.5 months to go and I really gonna miss Surin, Salina, Anum and the others... This I would say, is the best working environment for me... the energy, the fun, the crazyness and the openess of each other were the best qualities this team can offer...
A part of me wanting to stay (hoping for my contract renewal) and a part of me was telling me to move on and explore new opportunities ahead of me to grow :)
Some secret were shared between me and Surin yesterday, and I do really hope he meant what he said to me coz it really does motivate me a lot!

Time to continue disturbing Mr.Sree a.k.a brother Sree who is still working in office... pity pity...

Nite everyone... Have a wonderful sleep tonight with this noce weather...Love ya all..

Love,
Shin :)

Getting Older... huhuhu

2009-07-06T21:18:00.003+08:00

Just got back from the gym and I pity myself so much... As if I had grew old so fast that I couldn't run as I did before -- way back in secondary school :S

6km -- I did more than 45 mins. I said to myself "What a shame" :(
Aiyoyo...

Remember the time when I was in secondary with Yuan Xin, Mei San and the others.. we were like the queens on the field. Whenever we run, we are running for the district or state. Yuan Xin was the sprinter --> ran for 100m and 200m, Mei San was the long distance runner --> 800m and 1500m. And as for me, Shin Khai --> 200m and 400m and sometimes 800m when I was forced by Mr.Gurdeev :P

The fact is that, it's never easy to get into the team every term to represent your district or state as Pahang is way too big compare to other states.. It's like every single competition on track and fields, there are around 20 to 30 contestant per event -- and almost all of them are very good.. especially the indians in running events.. :S

I only manage to get into the district team for 4 years and the state team only once -- never easy but I had so much fun! Remember my personal best record for 400m was 58 seconds... about 15 seconds per 100m = > 2.5 mins per 1km... aiyoyo... if only I can ran that good nowadays :P

I remembered the time after my motorbike accident --> thanks to the 2 stupid cats (were dating and main kejar kejar across the road :S)... my right knee was cracked a bit and until now, I cant kneel down for more than a minutes -- when i stand up after that, I cant stand properly and it hurts.. since then I seldom jog or run anymore... more to brisk walk... as everytime I ran it hurts.. even now, marathon (huiyoh!)... training for it was never easy as it still aches everytime after my jog... just bear with it... :)

The past is the past and guess what, I am enjoying every single thing I am doing now -- jogging, sleeping, laughing and being quiet (in deep thought la) :P
Today someone asked me about what sports I love the most -- without a single delay the images of this sports appeared in my head --> Kayaking! :P
I never had a good opportunity to learn kayak when I was back in Uni ... what I could do was just to watch from a far the students learning by the seaside and enjoying themselves while I was filled with envy and sadness... haih... wish I could turn back time... :S

Felt excited that Kenneth will bring me to Broga Hill this Saturday for a hike. It's been a long time since our last hike together at Gunung Angsi. I hope this one will be another fruitful hike together (and hope I dont slow him down) :P
Cant wait to go! Yay! :)

Below is a pic we had during the Angsi hike... all are FaceBook gang :P

Whole body aching d... macam orang tua pulak... memalukan... haih...
Ok folks... gonna go to bed soon... nite nite

Love,
Shin :)

Billie the Big Head Devil ...

2009-07-03T09:52:00.008+08:00

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face.. was thinking "Was there any sweet dreams I had?" or "Was there something made me happy that I didnt notice?"
Then as I view the text messages in my phone, I found the reason why I was smiling and being happy :) It was a text message I received from Kenneth, he texted me before he went to bed, everynight.. There's something in those messages that made you feel warm and blessed but as always, it's hard to explain...

Khoo emailed me the other day, asking "I heard that you are leaving the company, is it true?" Suddenly this question of his strikes me... I had nearly unaware that I only left 2 months working and having fun with this company, especially my colleagues :S
Been searching high and low for jobs that I am interested and confident in lately, but it was hard. Guess this is another challenge and things for me to learn n life -- it's not always sweet and smooth, we need some challenge in our life (as such) to push ourselves further ahead and to appreciate life more.. So, no worries.. keep looking and may God will always be there to look out new job for me :P Hehehehehe...

I have a new family member, his name is Billie the Big Head Devil :P
It's a toy from Kenneth -- damn cute with his big head and the 2 little red horns (devil's horns la) and a very tiny body... :P I hope I can hug him to sleep at nite but to bad, I'm worried that I will tear off his head :P So, I just place the fellar next to my pillow :)

Went for marathon last weekend and it was fun! Had some volunteering work on Saturday and running for 5km on Sunday morning 7am... exhausted of course but I guess I enjoyed the most of it... Oh anyway, the marathon was called "Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2009" :P

We are preparing for the next "Shape Putrajaya Nite Run" on 25th July 2009. It's going to be a night marathon and am expecting another round of crazy and fun photo session with the gang :)
I will only be running for 5km as I wasnt trained for 10km yet... Furthermore, my legs ache everytime I jogged.. but the pain just goes away when you just be posotive and happy with what you are doing... a smile from him also will be sufficient :P

Evon's getting married next month -- going to register at the ROM. Was feeling excited about it. She invited me to join them at the ROM and I said "sure!" with a big smile :)
We do felt happy for her to be able to find the happiness that one always wanted for... Hope that is the right guy for her to go through the journey of life together..
I told this to Salina yesterday and surprisingly she asked me when is my turn? I turned to her (while she was driving) and laughed "Lama lagi la Salina, I baru je umur 24... at least 30 la"... Then she looked at me and asked me am I sure ar with 30... I just answered her "gurau jer"... The moment will come without you knowing, there's no need to crack your head over it and there is also no harm with the fact that you might be alone till the old days, without marrying anyone. There are tons of possibilities -- just smile and be happy with who you are, this is more important in life :)

There were some other things we discussed yesterday...
Accepting a person of who he or she is, will never be easy... It's all about give and take or compromising. There will always be something that we overlook in a relationship as time pass by, we got comfortable on the way we are living with it already -- forgetting the first thing that actually attracted that 2 person together. Salina told me about her story with Yoep, how they met each other and how hard it was when they are together till they got married and have kids.. It's a very valuable journey which taught me that:

Effective / proper communication method is vital between 2 person -- it will never works out with 2 hard headed people trying to fight who is right or wrong or 2 very soft headed person who just keep quiet and shy away when problem occurs. When one is being emotional, the other must be calm and focus on what's going wrong. It's always easy said than to be done... but at least I am trying :)
Whenever there's anything bothering you in a relationship, always take a deep breath and change your thinking cap from using the heart (emotion) to using your head (logic). I always did this but too bad, I was always the losing one as my head just can fight against the troubled heart of the other :P
Dont raise your voice whenever you talk to your partner -- it's all about respect. Dont shout, scream or whatever as this really hurts the other person alot.
Always be happy and smile :)
And many more............ cant continue.. something is troubling my mind now

Weird enough, as I was writing as these, I felt like crying already... dont know why... i just dont know why... Just felt that it's tough and it's not easy.. I am trying my best, my very best of not giving up...
I told Dilla the other day, I nearly give up when things went wrong that day. I was so scared -- not because of hate or anger, but I was scared when that happened.. It reminds me of my dad.. it reminds me of my dad freaking the whole family out with his anger and abusive attitudes.. I was really scared till I cried.. even till today.. I do not want to go through those anymore..

Sometimes, crying is the best method to soothe the heart... I hope it does, for me now :)

Going back to Raub tonight, driving back alone.. Lonely pulak terasa.. :P

Love ya all... Kwan! Please call me la... you still alive or not?

Love,
Shin :)

Bagan Lalang, Sepang - Planning laaahhh....!! :)

2009-06-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

At last.. Thanks to Lee Ming that we finally decided to go to Bagan Lalang Beach @ Sepang Gold Coast for our next gathering in July. Pheww.... finally..

Browse through some blogs about it and positive comments were everywhere. I guess I need to pay a visit to the place before I tell the guys that this place is where we will be heading to :)

I really hope the place is nice for a BBQ and also for camping... I really hope we can camp there coz it's been a long time since my last camping -- 6 years back... ouch!

Let me pay a visit to the place and will share with you guys more on it :)

Love,
Shin :P

Grades vs. Gifts :P

2009-06-07T18:07:00.003+08:00

"You know, you shouldn't relate good grades with presents!" said the little girl to her brother (which I dont know who is elder..) and the mom and dad totally agree to her saying leaving the son defending himself with his own reasons... :P
I met these 2 kids at the KLCC lrt station with their parents after shopping and the son was bugging the mom (actually making deals) on buying Lego's for him if he get good grades for his exam later on... Lucky kids...

At the same time, it reminds me of my childhood -- how hard me and my sister studied to score good grades or as what they said, flying colors... and guess what, we did... I still remembered that when I was small, Primary One to be exact, for the first mid-term exam, I got #12 in the class of 30 (which I consider is good enough :P). Went home showed my dad the report card and you know what I get? I got a slapped on the face in front of my uncle who dropped by to visit the family -- I was so embarrassed!!! From that moment on I studied so hard for every exam -- maybe because of the embarrassment and pain I got from dad :(

Then in the final year for Primary One, I got #4 in the class... pheww.... a sense of relief....
Worked harder and studied smarter, from Primary 2 onwards till Primary 6, my results were maintained at either #1 or #2 position in the class and the entire batch untill I scored 5 As (straight As) for my UPSR...

Come to think of it -- the motivation behind all these grades of mine was not toys, monetary related nor vacation... The moment I saw that 2 kids at the LRT station is when I realized that I studied so hard to obtained good grades was becacuse of the hunger for attention from my dad and also the fear of him. The thing is, the smarter you are, the better grades you get, dad will love you more and pay more attention to your every needs... Why so? Because when me and my sister scored good grades, we make him proud! So when people asked him about us in school and our performances in exam, he would proudly say the girls are doing great with a big smile on his face :)

On second thought, me and my sis were actually stupid -- look at those kids now. They get whatever they want by doing good or average in school and look at what both of us get back then -- nothing!! Aiyoyo... apalah...

The truth is, kids nowadays are too much with bargains between them and parents -- you want me to make you proud? Ok, buy me this and I'll score good grades! The problem here with kids nowadays is that, they never realized what actually lies beneath those grades -- what it represents and how it could help them during their years in primary and high school. I blame this on the parents of not guiding the children properly and always promise them with gifts and money if they do well in school... Parenting 101 -- FAILED!!
When I have my own kids in the future, I would pray hard that me and my husband will be good and wise parents rather than becoming hostage to all the kids demand... :P

Today is Sunday... Kent went camping in Mount Tahan with the guys and will only be coming back on Tuesday... Missing him already. Hope he's doing fine and dont hurt himself while hiking.. Worried ler :S Haih...

Weather looks god outside, had planned to go for a jog in the park but too bad I need to update my resume (priority now!) and cant go out yet. Perhaps tomorrow... :)
Weather is good here, I wonder how is it back in Mount Tahan... Erm... hope it's not raining anymore coz Kent said it was freezing cold yesterdat night when it rained :S

Time for a quick nap! Wahahaha... Like a pig... :P

Love,
Shin :P

Sleepy...

2009-06-04T23:47:00.003+08:00

As I started to talk about mum in the car, it reminds me so badly about the argument we had last Saturday morning... Guilt filled my heart as I couldn't be patience enough when mum started to said things that was untrue about me or laming me for things that go wrong. The one question that always pop up in my mind which i couldn't answer -- "Why must I be the victim of accusation, always??"
Tears started to make their way out from the corner of my eyes as I tried hard to suppress them -- no, I cant cry now especially in the car while Kent was driving or else he'll freak out.. I just keep silent as I always do when something is bothering me or when I was thinking of something deeply...

Sometimes, I really do be in the state of silence... it helps me think clearly of the people and things around me carefully.. It helps me relax when I was unhappy and doesnt know how to handle a certain situation..

11.57PM... forcing myself to stay awake -- erm... think I cant stand the exhaustion anymore... cant even write my blog correctly already.. shall continue tomorrow morning :)

Nite everyone and God bless...

Love,
Shin :)

Gruuuuu..... Grruuuu....

2009-05-27T22:00:00.004+08:00

Was a bit lazy when I started to think about going down to the gym -- boring place with 4 glass walls surrounding you... sometimes I felt suffocating inside :P
But no use la... Since Kenneth showed me the big loop in Taman Paramount, I ran for 2 rounds and guess what... I'm addicted to running d.. I would say that running at the park is indeed more challenging than running on the treadmill :P

Tried my best to complete the 5km run on the treadmill -- it took me 39.28 minutes... the timing was so bad (memalukan also) as I used to did around 20 to 25 mins back in school... maybe sudah tua d :P

My stomach is growling now making sounds like "Food! Food! KFC! KFC! McD! Hokkien Mee! Lobak! Rojak!" hahahaha... Think I'll go cook a mee now to feed my stomach :P

Nite everyone.. :)
May tomorrow be another happy hungry day! :P

Love,
Shin :)

A day I Love :)

2009-05-26T23:53:00.004+08:00

Never thought I'll get a flower from Kent today, we'll sometimes surprises did happened and you felt it with your heart and not brain :)

Been for courier ride for the past 2 days -- tiring -- but somehow it was fruitful as I learned a lot about their busy routes and it sort of spark up my mind to think of ways to improve their PUD (Pickup & Delivery) Performance as well as the route management... I have to learn more on this...
erm..... if only I knew I would be staying longer with this company then it might motivates me more to get myself busy with all these information :)

Feedback feedback -- overall when the couriers found out that I will be leaving (contract ends) in 3 more months -- not knowing whether they will rener it or not, they wasnt very happy with it.. Questions asked would be "Who am I going to deal with about that stupid reweigh machine?", "Who's gonna help me with the system problem?" and etc... Overall, none of these questions were valid enough to keep my contract alive. Just smile :)

Saranjit from HR was asking for my resume the other day -- Am Investment Bank is hiring -- she said that if i wanted the job (I dont even know what's the portfolio of the job), just send her the resume and the job is mine! Wow! Not bad... but the location is at Jln Raja Chulan -- a very hectis and traffic jam location. You can drive there -- you have to leave very early and get home very late to not stuck in the jam... You can take the public transport -- LRT PUTRA from Taman Bahagia / Kelana Jaya --> KL Sentral --> swith to KL Monorail --> Bukit Nanas ... not easy... but no choice if DHL not going to retain me :S

The week before, Sir Yuz dropped by in KL with Mr.Lobo (hahahah) and we had dinner together -- Dilla and Hasrul were in the group too! :)
It was a very entertaining, memorable and informative evening we had. News about our campus, lecturers, courses, the new students, some gossip and etc etc were the topic of the evening and we all were laughing throughout the dinner... Good to see that Sir Yuz has been promoted ( as what we had always waited for) and other lecturers were doing fine too.... the only one I miss now is Mr.Zul -- manalah manusia ni..?? :S
I hardly forget what Sir Yuz, Sir Tam and Mr.Zul thought me in their classes.. all were my fav subjects.. And I would really love to continue my master in any of those someday :) If only God bless me with that opportunity :)

Thursday -- I'll be meeting Uncle Stephen. Really do miss him a lot since I last met him back in Labuan somewhere in March 2009. He has been a very good listener and mentor to me since the day I knew him and Auntie Siew Kim has been a very caring god-mum :)
Too bad that I dont even have the chance to meet up with Auntie (as it always happens) when she was here last week... maybe she was busy.. :(
I was very excited when Uncle told me that he's dropping by and we'll have dinner with him on Thursday then :P Told Elbert that I'll be bringing someone over.. hehe :P

Had a jog at the Paramount Park yesterday evening -- the big loop, not the regular loop -- and guess what, I was kinda addicted to it already :P
Going to get my new pair of running shoe soon... $300 flying away... :S If only my birthday is next week and I can get it as a present :P hehehhe... dreaming again :P

12.15AM -- time to go under the blankie :)
Guess Ken is still doing his laundry :P

Nite everyone and God bless us all :)

Love,
Shin :)

A Brief One...

2009-05-10T23:52:00.005+08:00

Have you ever come to the point where you will cry thinking about your future?
Perhaps no... but today, I did...

Tears just came down and I just cant hold it back when I start to think about my future. My dreams and plans suddenly all seem to be so vague... it cant even be reached for the near 3 years.. not even the simplest one -- my master degree...

Study loan need to be paid... bills need to be paid... car need to be taking care of... mum need to be made happy.. and etc...

Sometimes, things just fell apart without you knowing..
God bless..

Contract = Confusion = Sleepless nights...

2009-05-04T21:09:00.004+08:00

"Shin, you free now? Can I have a word with you?"

There goes me and Surin walking over to the HR interview room for a one-to-one private talk...
I always felt glad whenever Surin take the effort to talk to me this way, however today guilt filled my heart more than gladness..

First topic on the plate -- my employment contract -- he said that he had promised me earlier that he would update me on my contract status anytime end of April or early of May so that if there's anything happens, I would have sufficient time to lurk around for a job. However, today he couldnt offer me what I had always wanted or wish to hear from them (the management) -- my contract status still unknown.. meaning that, all of them are not sure yet, the decision is in Yasmin (DHL Express Asia Pacific big boss) hand...

The fact that made me having my confidence built back up a lil by lil was when Surin told me that, indeed there were a number of person a.k.a managers who supported my employment here -- meaning would want me to stay...

Then the second topic on the plate -- "was there anything bothering you for the past month?" -- this was the question asked by Surin which hit me.. perhaps I myself did not really realize the changes in me that he and Salina noticed.. "Your energy level seems to have dropped... as if like you were starting well at 5th gear but for the past month, I noticed that you had swithed to 3rd gear instead..."

Surin's example with the gear thingy was good enough... then he added, not that I did anything wrong or my job is not good.. it's just that it bothers him much when he dont feel that I am happy or as enthusiatic working as when I was nearly joined.. He was worried if I am already bored with the job or if there's some work related stuffs that are bothering me..

It was spontaneous of me to assure my boss that I am doing fine -- nothing related to work that is bothering me -- prehaps more on my personal stuffs..

The fact that my contract is going to end in just another 4 months time really does affecting myself -- day by day without myself realizing the harm it does to my mind -- my mind just cant stop thinking where should I head to after this? What kind of job or company would I be interested? How would all this affected my own plans for the years to come? Will I be able to continue my master with all these shits happening? What about having my own house? What about climbing up the ladder -- when can I manage to achieve this?

All these were wondering in my head as Surin was trying to make me feel comfortable again into my working envronment...

"You know when did I decided to hire you?" -- this was the 3rd unexpected question asked by Surin... "Try to guess"

Then I answered "Right after my interview with you?"
He just shake his head and I remembered every word he told me which made me realized that I had forgotten to be myself -- my very ownself...

Surin told me the fact that he had spotted and wanted to hire me was when I was still an Intern in HR. I first work closely with him was during the Kids Camp and during that time he said he has spotted the staff he wanted to hire into his team.. He said that the way and attitude I showed during the Kids Camp was positive -- for a person / girl to sit under the hot sun doing registration without complaining and keep smiling was what attracted his interest in hiring. "I believe other bosses out there would be glad to have hire you as mch as I do"
Surin did said that he hopes by telling me this it would actually be able to convince me on how glad they are of having me here to work with them and wanting me to stay... I was almost at the point of teary eyes when he said all these but I managed to still hold them back..

Honestly, I wasn't ready to leave yet -- I saw there are tons of opportunities for me to soar if I am able to stay. I know where I want to head to if I am still there... but all these uncertainties really are making me confused and worried all the time.. Without a permanent position, it is hard for me to plan my path... I need a solid ground to step on, being comfortable with it before I start walking on it then start sprinting along the path...

There was a vacancy in DGF (DHL Global Forwarding) which looks interesting -- however it was based in Labuan. Not that I am not willing to travel and work there... with Uncle Stephen and Auntie Siew Kim there, I have nothing to worry... but my heart was reluctant to leave.. I'm gonna miss my mom (and she gonna miss me so much), I'm gonna miss my cat, and of course Kenneth too... who's going to take care of my car? my mum? aiseh... too many things already...

I have my own goals and dreams to reach.. I really do hope I can reach them on time..

Just pray hard everything will be fine...

Love,
Shin :)

Update Update!

2009-04-21T21:29:00.003+08:00

Guess I had abandoned this blog for quite some time and honestly, I do felt guilty all the time of not having the time to update about myself and every other things in here... Je suis desole :S

It's been a fruitful yet hectic and stressful month at work. Human management was the key learning thingy of the month -- how to manage people who you working with as well as those who hire you - your boss! :P

Work wise, catching up well. Now I had become the key reference for some when it comes to applications -- I'm glad this is the case :)

Friends wise was even better! Me and my childhood friends (we knew each other since kindergarten and primary and some are in secondary) went to Malacca for a 2 days 1 night trip and it was awesome! We had so much fun together and we really bonded well through the trip. Nothing is more beautiful than having this few buddies who will always there to cheer you up... :)
We will be going for our next trip soon! Perhaps to Pangkor Island this time round... ok ok, who's on the list? Let me check... Shin Khai, Ken Mee, Lee Ming, Chun Ei, Ramesh and maybe Mandy (his gf), Mun Wai and maybe Han Xin :)

Other issues... let me see... started to collect some new comics -- Doraemon (The adventure with friends) while I'm waiting for my 46 copies of Doraemon to be shipped bak from Labuan... :)

Had dinner with Kenneth yesterday, and as usual, our tummy will be rounder than before... one big jar of watermelon juice and orange juice, fish porridge, mee sua, ochien and rojak! nyum nyum... :)

Will be working in Cyberjaya this coming Thursday and Kenneth has volunteered to fetch me there as well as to fetch me back for lunch then send me back to work... sounds a bit mafan him so I had rejected his offer.. guess I can be independent enough to go there :P

Hair is drying up and it's time to sleep soon... nite everyone...

Misses Dilla, Sarah, Uncle Steven and Auntie Kong, Mr.Zul, and Mun Kok so much :)
Wishing they all are in a pink of health and always happy :)

Nite!

Love,
Shin :)

Stupid siblings..

2009-03-24T21:20:00.002+08:00

I had tried hard to be strong and not to cry anymore since the last time I did -- somewhere in early February... I had tried be courageous for mom and I had tried hard to stay strong for myself.. but this evening, I had failed to do so.. I cried..

Sometimes, my thoughts and faith go hay-wire dealing with these people who are better known as my siblings. I really dont know why they just love to make me life sucks and complicated... here goes the story...

Last 2 weeks, I took leave just to be prepared to send mom for a health screen and then drive her back to Raub -- which I had planned to go to LHDN and then go take my IC. Suddenly, she told me, she dont want to come to KL -- health screen CANCELED!

Last Sunday, she called again and asked me to take leave on Friday to accompany her for body checkup -- I told her I cant promise as this week I would be very busy and I just taken leave 2 weeks ago, so I need to check with my boss first, she said OK. The fact was, my boss went on leave for Thursday and Friday, Salina will be based in Subang gateway, Vachala will be on leave on Friday and I will be the only one left in the office for the team.. It's not possible for me to take leave on Friday as I had few testings to attend to, con-calls with regional office, audit reports follow up, meeting with scanners vendor and etc... I am really turning myself upside down this week as I need to travel to Subang Airport and Glenmarie, Shah Alam quite frequent too this week -- tomorrow will be going off to Subang Gateway.

The funniest part was when my phone beeps and it was a sms from my sister -- asking me to take leave on Friday as she is very tied up with her work and assuming that I can get off from my work and send mom for the body checkup. She had decided on everything -- booking on the hospital, the doctor, the schedule without even discussing with me whether I can make it that day or time or not. When I replied her that I cant make it and can we change the time, she got upset and then replied me saying that she can settle it by her own and do not need me anymore.

What does she means by do not need me? That is my mother! I care for her as much as anyone did. If she said it that way, it means that she only needed my help to make her profile as a good daughter who is going to pay for all the checkup expenses good. I am only a slave in doing so?

Brother is not working, why dont you asked him to send mom? Why must you force me to take leave when I am not manage to take any leave? Why cant brother sacrifice of not going home Raub just to send mom? Why cant you force him? Why must you force me? Why must all of you bully me and put the fault on me? Why cant you ask bro-in-law to send mom? She's his mom too! Why am I have to be the main bull-eye for you to throw the darts on? Why you have to always treat me this way?

Sometimes, I just dont understand where are the values between us siblings... When did they ever use the word 'please', 'thank you', 'hello' or 'take care' to me? Never... sometimes I am really sick living with such people who do not know how to respect their own sister.

Sick... sick... darn sick...

Madness after all the madness...

2009-03-15T16:58:00.002+08:00

It's kinda funny of having such feelings after such a long time... jealousy? No, i dont think so... Hatered? A lil bit I guess.. Unfairness? Erm, maybe..

I was thinking a while ago about the past 3 years.. Not a single photo of me as his gf were posted anywhere online. When asked why dont you create a friendster account (In hope that he'll share our photos together on the web), he will always telling me that it's a waste of time and it's childish. Surprisingly after we broke up, he got sign up with friendster and facebook.. miracle did happens I guess :P .... even better, almost everytime I log in to my FB, I'll get notified on all the photos he's uploaded -- with all his 'sisters' faces in it. Then the silly me started to think (that's why I said that a lil hatered + unsatisfactory) that, I was just nothing to him all along by comparing to those around him now.. my photos were never shared (the happy photos) by him before which made me feeling neglected now (I mean neglected before but realizing it now)...

Kenneth asked do I wanted to share with him my moodiness that I am having now... I was thinking, it's my silliness and I will handle it by myself, I do not ned to bug anyone for my own problem anymore as I scared that I'll scared everyone away with all my problems sharing.. haha :) Thanks Ken anyway.. :)

Next weekend, we will go climbing again. Hopefully this time he wont ask me to belay him -- he's heavy la.. 65kg and I'm only 49kg :P ... But as usual, he will belay me and maybe Ker Soon will be there too this time and man, he's even heavier! 80kg... so, all the belaying work I'll leave it to Mr.Kenneth :P

His dad asked him about me yesterday (he told me through sms) and of course both of us were stunned for a while when knowing this. I just met his dad coincidently in Seremban over a hiking trip and now I was actually shy when the dad was asking about me, why I didnt go to Seremban anymore... It made me think, my previous relationship, the parents dont even know my existence after few years dating with his son... what a shame on me :S

Oh ok fine... it started to rain again... nice to sleep... but I need to work on my projects planning before I go to work tomorrow :)

Sayonara everyone and wish me luck... I hope I will still be sane ater all this madness in my life :)

Love,
Shin :P

Tioman oh Tioman!!

2009-03-10T21:31:00.002+08:00

Saw Lydia's photos on Facebook -- Tioman trip and it made me longing so much to go there for a short relax vacation. I am really looking forward to plan my vacation there no matter what, gonna save up money and Tioman, here I come!!

Few faces came into mind when I think of who to go there with -- Dilla, Elbert, Kenneth, Kwan, Yen or maybe my hometown gang! Aiya, dont know la... let me plan properly first :)

Got back from Labuan yesterday and felt relieved. I miss Auntie a lot as well as her cooking. I miss the moments me and the others (especially Kwan and Tink Tink) having fun camping in the living hall and have fun teasing each other. Really miss them. The trip back there was fruitful enough despite the fact that I was forcing myself to smile sometimes :P

Then when we ( Elbert, Evon and me) reached KL, Kenneth said he'll come and fetch me and coincidently that Elbert and Evon need a ride home so I was trying my luck by asking Kennth to send them home -- and he said no problem. The only thing that I felt guilty was that he just came back from the Gunung Irau camping trip on Sunday late evening and then he pula said he wanted to come and fetch me -- no tired ka this fellar? :)

After sending them home, we went to Bandar Puteri Puchong for lunch -- Indon Cuisine. It was great and I like that place a lot. The food was ok (with grade B+ given by me) just that the sambal belacan was not spicy at all and Kenneth was complaining about it :P

Then he pass me a SpongeBob key chain he bought for me from Lego. It was so cute. Hahaha, he got himself a Star Wars fellar but definately mine was nicer!

Today in office were kind bored as my mind was fully occupied with con-calls and meetings. I felt tired and sleepy with them arguing over something that had been discussed and agreed earlier -- sometimes this people just never stop.. Hahaha... :)

My trip back to Labuan, I didnt manage to get hold of Sir Yuz, Sir Tam and Zul. I guess they were busy as I were busy too :P I am looking forward to meet them soon -- Sir Tam said he'll come here soon and Zul is already back here in peninsula. Sir Yuz... bila la saya boleh jumpa sir and borak borak ar?? :S

Hahaha.. ok ok, going to dry my clothes and get some good rest :)

Nite ya all!

Love,
Shin :)

Cracked!

2009-03-06T22:55:00.003+08:00

I was sitting there and thinking -- how should I reply this stupid email. Ok, the story is as follow.. He sent the MC3000 scanner to Faeez for some application installation and guess what! The monitor screen was cracked! The first thing Faeez did was he ran over to Ops and showed me and the next first smart thing I did was to take my camera and snap some photos of it as evidence! So, the next day Faeez sent a mail informing them about the damage and guess what this idiot reply? "We always sent scanner for repair and never cases like this happen before. I have to investigate!"

Then at last I replied, "If the scanner is cracked due to poor shipment packaging, then this is definitely unacceptable! The scanner has to be wrapped with bubble wrapper or in a padded box in order to avoid it from being damaged as such. Repairing a cracked monitor is very expensive and FYI it costs us 250USD per unit. We are trying hard to save cost on maintenance and hence, this is definitely demotivating our effort!"... there are some other points in the email but I guess this is enough to be shared ... Sometimes, I just dont know how some people can made such mistakes with such simple process. Please la brader! Use your common sense! :S

Network maintenance tonight at 10PM, GDA maintainence on Sunday midnight, GDA another maintenance on next Sunday... Luckily, all these does not affect our shipment processing.

Been having bad dreams lately -- of me died in the dream, of my mom leaving me, of me falling over a cliff, of me crashing myself in an accident... wow! I didnt even manage to have a good night sleep for the past 2 weeks :S Guess I need a vacation now -- luckily I am going over to Labuan tomorrow, at least somewhere that i can wind up my head from the busy KL life :P

Mr. K had been smsing me today, but I just dont feel like replying him much due to what happened yesterday. I felt uncomfortable when he called, being grumpy (a lil bit) and I just dont know what or how cheer him up -- as i dont expect myself having the need to do so :S I mean I can cheer him up, but I just dont feel like doing so and in the end I forced myself to create topics to chat with him and make him feel better. Normally we wont be having any problem in conversationing -- we talked about everything and it clicks! Music, movies, cartoons, dramas, sports, pets, house, and especially food! :)

Maybe I was hoping to have someone that who is mature enough to be with, or maybe I am no longer in the state of needing someone to be with -- sometimes when I think of it, it kinda make me sick :S I felt more comfortable being by myself, honestly. Doing whatever I always wanted to do without someone standing behind me pulling my sleeves and said "NO" or "STOP". I miss the feeling of being independent and I am enjoying it as well as growing up more with it :)

Vachala asked me again today, how's my future love life going on -- my response was "Jaw dropped with lots of ??? marks" hahahha... I said "Maam, I duit pun belum ade, kerja bertimbun, I tak ade masa la. Sesak nafas nanti! :P" As usual, she will dragged me to her place and start lecturing me on this.. haha... She's is really a nice lady and I love to talk to her :)

Ouch, need to sleep now, getting late and need to get up early -- heading to airport!

Nite ya all!

Love,
Shin :)

Jammed.....

2009-03-03T22:29:00.003+08:00

I was a bit reluctant to go back to Labuan actually -- as I really wish to set my mind free from something I dont even want to think about. However, I really miss Uncle Stephen and Auntie Kong, not forgetting my good looking buddy, Mr.Zul back there. I am really looking forward to meet them especially Zul, coz there's been a lot to gossip with him about :P

I need to travel to EPJ, Glenmarie tomorrow -- a bit lazy but thinking of my future, it motivates me more. There's been a lot to do, but I dont seem to be able to finish them yet -- applications upgrade, BRS, new cost saving implementation, AP TSP Audit and also some projects that I had been assigned as PM (Project Manager) that I must do well in. Oppss... nearly forget about the tickets cost saving project that I'm gonna run which will save us 13 euro per ticket raised -- roughly a month user will raise 30+ tickets... man, that's a lot!! :P

Today NKVE was very jammed... Had to be bad when I'm on the highway to get myself through the lane :P ... and my phone keep beeping -- sms from Kenneth telling me to be careful on the road. Yes sir! Will do! :)

Sree (IT Manager) was chatting with me, and he really supports me on my career path here in DHL. I was delighted to know that he gets positive feedback from people around about me working with them. Surin too, told me yesterday that, everyone (the managers and GSM) are trying to keep me in, he said unless I had something else in my mind :P ... I really need to push myself more for this period of time. There was one thing that Surin said and I wasnt sure what does he means -- "If we can get you to stay permenantly in this company, I can see you going far"... I'm not dare to assume anything yet as everything is still so vague.. :)

SMS came in again and Mr. Kenneth asking me to go to sleep :) ... Today, Sree asked me about Mr.V and Mr.Kits (OMG!).. and after my explaination, luckily Sree understands what I was trying to say -- I'm not interested! Hahaha... Please stop linking me with them, I dont even talk to them or deal with them in any project except with Mr.Kits sometimes due to PCGOP machine breakdown and so on... :S

Cant tahan d... need to sleep.... zzzzzzz.... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Pet shopping!

2009-02-28T00:42:00.003+08:00

I had been running all over 26th floor today disturbing people -- what they all responded when they saw me was "Shin!! You don't come near me! Or else I kenakan you balik!!" hahaha... almost everyone laugh when they saw us fooling around making fun of each other :P

It was a fun day at work -- semi-casual -- but the main point was that we all were having fun and laughing throughout the day. The biggest jokers were me and Faeez! :P

So, we had fun and it's time to say "Have a great weekend!" again but unfortunately I have to get back to work tomorrow :S

Went out dinner with Kenneth and before that we dropped by at the pet shop to look for a colar for my cat, Baby. There were so many cute puppies in there and I fell in love with them instantly :P Hehehe...

Had a great night out and am exhausted now :)

Nite nite everyone

Love,
Shin :)

Good Feedback :)

2009-02-26T21:22:00.002+08:00

Sree called, "Shin, you free now? Can you please come over to IT coz I had something to discuss with you"...

"Sure! Am coming over now!"...

So, I walked over to Sree's cubicle and he asked me to go over to the lounge area and we had a short talk. It was indeed a great and motivated talk I had with him. He was giving me feedback on my job performance which I really glad to know -- the goods that I have to keep and work harder on and the bad that I need to improve on :)

He told me the bad one first... I need to work on more on my ability to say 'No' to those who is trying to bully me by pushing work to me. Haha... because normally when they asked me to do this and that, to handle this and to follow up on that, I will just give in and do everything. Not that I dont know it's not actually my scope of job but I felt I have to learn more than anyone else for me to carry myself better. So, Sree said that I need to learn to say 'No' to these lazy bullies... I asked him why suddenly are we having this conversation? He said actually he and Surin (my boss) were having meeting in EKL and Sree brought up the matter that my contract is going to end in September -- that's how this conversation started.. So, that's the bad thing they commented on me and here are the good one...

Surin commented that I am good in following up on issues -- fast and friendly -- but need to be more stern on some vendors --> kalau perlu marah, kenalah marah! Hahaha...

Generally supervisors and managers from all over Malaysia (the service centers and gateways) are glad to work with me... phewww.... I'm sure glad to know this... They commented that I am easy to work with and am friendly and helpful enough (hope I do) and the best part was they said that I always made them smile and laugh with my silly acts! Ouch :P

Sree commented that I am hardworking but he also warned me to not work to hard and have my own social life rather than just work. He said working in DHL you will lose most of your personal life that's why I must learn to balance it :)

Today, big boss, GSM told me that he is trying to move my name from the temp staff listing to the permenant staff listing and he's justifying on it -- I'm not sure whther it's tru or not but to tell you all the truth, I am glad to know all these and they are indeed great motivation for me to strive as I am now very hectic with my projects.

Lately, Kenneth had been volunteering to fetch me back home every night but just felt segan la. LRT is just convinient enough :)

OMG... am very tired now.... just manage to submit my OJB report to the regional office and configure the accounting application this evening... :P

Sleeping now... miss ya all

Love,
Shin :)

A fruitfull week... :)

2009-02-22T22:58:00.002+08:00

It's been a hectic week -- the whole week of 16th to 22nd Feb....

Been rushing off the OJB audit report from Monday till Wednesday where I almost come home around 10pm everynight -- IAS Storage Charges project was a lot to be learnt -- CIP project has to be carried out soon and I was the PM (Project Manager) for this and I have to get things ready... Till Friday, we were actually relaxing back in office, not doing anything much but having a fun time at work by ordering in Dominoes for lucnh... :P

Friday went out dinner with Kenneth, and to my surprised this 'big' friend of mine get me a belated Valentine's present -- it was a Italian Doll (he said he asked his friend to buy from Italy -- I think so) and I had placed it in the office. Now my cubicle is almost full with soft toys from people :P

Saturday went back to office early in the morning to work as we all had forgotten to send out a communication informing users that the network will be down and the declaration process would have to be done manually. So, I sacrificed my morning and rush to office to do so. Then after that rush home and get ready for a session of rock climbing in Camp5!! Me, Kenneth, Ker Soon, Hun Ni and another friend of hers climb for around 4 hours when our stomach started to growl and we took our shower and headed for dinner :P

And as for today... I went hiking at Kuala Pilah and OMG -- it took us 1.5 hours to reach the peak and I felt like fainting at the first half of the hike... we were climbing up and up and up non stop!.. But it felt great when you actually reached the top! The worst part came when we were decending. My legs were shaking when going down... And when we were trying to get down a slope with the stupid rope, I hurt my fingers as I sliiped down holding the rope. now my right hand having 4 plaster on -- one on every finger... Haha, I told them not to bring me to hike here again... Bukit Tabur or Broga Hill maybe boleh... :P

Going to bed now... nite nite :)

Love,
Shin :)

Work -- Dance -- Work -- Dance! :P

2009-02-15T22:06:00.003+08:00

I was an early day for me on a regular Saturday -- woke up around 8am, get ready, packing my clothes and heels and head out to office at 9am. I was suppose to be in office waiting for Mann and the gang to give me a lift to KLCC Convention Centre Ballroom (the venue of the Annual Dinner & Dance) but they were late la... They came around 12.30pm! :S Luckily they came late too because as soon as I arrived at my desk, my phone start ringing...

"Halo! Shin? Ini Ahmad from Kluang. SCL tak boleh guna la. Ia hang bila I nak key-in poscode and telephone number. Then I masuk guna login lain, system pulak kata tak boleh edit sebab accessed by another user while I dah logout dah tadi. Apa macam ah?"

"Ahmad, let me login and kill the session first and I'll see what I can troubleshoot from my side. Will call you back soon with updates"

Soon after Ahmad hang up the phone, Raj from Penang called -- the same issue. Then Ghuzal from Melaka called -- the same issue. Guess what! It was on Saturday and it was lucky enough that I was in office. So I attend to the issue and the outcome was -- SCL wasnt connecting to the GRef Server. So, guys back in ITSC - SCL Support have to fix it before anything bad happen to our shipment processing. So, by 1pm, the issue resolved -- occured at 11am and it took them 1.5 hours to detect the problem and another 0.5 hour to fix it... :P

Ok ok.. let talk about the annual dinner then.

Abi was driving and this fellar took the wrong turn and we were heading to Seremban instead of KLCC. Mann shut him up all the time "Abi, jangan cakap banyak dah. Diam dan tengok papan tanda!" Hahahaha... this two fellar really are funny -- they were best buddies. So we managed to arrived at the ballroom around 2.30pm (when Azrin gave the wrong turning direction again - instead of stopping right in front of Traders Hotel, we took a big round around KLCC :P). Rehearsal was on with Pink's dance group then Deepa's band.

Got changed and simple party make-up done. Phone silent and off to work! I was helping out at the arrival hall and registration counter as well as the lucky dip counter. Basicaaly whoever that knew me, saw me that evening was a bit surprised as they never saw me with make-up before. At least I felt relieved as I getting compliments :P

Then I swithed to working in the ballroom, making sure team from North and South are being seated as we wanted them to fell comfy rather than like a stanger in Central. Then I have to standby at the back stage managing those awards by different department. Meeting a Spanner Work staff name Takuya (real name is Azam) who liased with me the whole night.

I saw my boss walking around, migling with people with a glass of beer in his hand. Hahaha, the moment he saw me, "Shin, you want? I go get you one now." Of course I said no as I am still working. Managed to took some photos with some pretty ladies and handsome guys during the party till 10pm.... "Let's heat up the dance floor!!"

The dance floor was jammed pack with people and we had dance non-stop till 11.15pm. My department was sporting and happenning enough as everyone was dancing together that night.

Guess this was the way we all spent our Valentines Day...

Another day at work this morning. Due to that stupid network downtime -- we (Me, Salina, Faeez, Sree and Arujun) have to work on site. Lucky enough that I joined the breakfast function at Armada Hotel to fill up my tummy first before I started working. The work ended around 3pm and I was having headache and my stomach was growling and i was extremely sleepy...

By the time I reached home around 5pm... I saw my bed and directly zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Hahaha....
Happy Belated-Valentine's Day everyone! Hope all of you had a great one! I had mine and I wish you so too!

Love,
Shin :P
My boss was the craziest one with Kamarul... OMG, they were like nuts when we start having fun..

Working on Valentine's Day!

2009-02-13T23:09:00.002+08:00

Oh Shit! All apps will be down on Sunday and you were just going to inform us on this on Thursday? Do you think we are the savior of DHL???

People from the pure IT background sometimes just acted very stupid. When they look at something, they will just look from one angle. They can think from other perspective. So, if you cant think this way, please la let people with better brains know earlier so the problem can be managed well enough. OMG.... these IT people just wanted to show off on how good their IT knowledge is when.. hahah... they cant even differentiate the differences between a server down issue and an apps down issue. How can you 'samakan' the two poor thing? :S

Ok ok... cool down...

Basically this week I worked non-stop and with less rest -- not because that I couldnt finish my work, it's because I was given a lot of emergency workload to attend to. Suddenly Surin came to me and tell me that, I have to push aside all my apps projects and focus on the audit reports. Then Faeez came running over from IT to my desk when I was focusing on my report and asking me to do a RTP for CIP at 11am (when he ran over it was 10.45am) :S .... Then Salina keep bugging me with her LCB project which I langsung tak faham what it is about -- fine, I manage to understand the invoicing part in the end. Then Gab from the Subang Gateway pula sent an email to me why this bond statuses in ACA was said by Singapore as "Not a standard remark"?? When I check in the system, the stupid remark that suppose to be removed was still in the system. Fine. I called the ACA support and was fainted and nearly died of stroke when he told me that he havent remove the old bond reasons yet -- the whole MY thought they had did so since 19th Jan 09... Apalah orang orang ni... you guys are lucky to have a job and it's a permenant status, cant you guys work better? Please grow up and perform yourself!

Been nagging to myself too much this week but however I found this week to be extremely challenging with the unexpected workload coming in. I like it :P ... I found myself to be more quiet and serious when I was occupied with all this and it actually scared Surin -- he thought I was worried and panic. :P

Actually, when all this happened, it will never be a problem if we have a good communication method among each other -- whether it's in a team, in the same department or inter-departmental.. I do not want Salina to end up screaming at CY at the end of the day because of the stupid miscommunication about the network down thingy... Just communicate effectively and it will surely increase our productivity level -- better shipment processing and better monitoring on the issues...

Just got back home around 9.30pm. Tomorrow will be the annual dinner and I have to be there for rehearsal at 12pm. I will be on stage all the time helping out the award ceremony. I think I have to be in the office tomorrow morning la, around 9am perhaps... then the annual dinner will drag me till 1am... OMG... then the next morning I have to prepare for the breakfast function with the North and South Team. After that around 10am or 11am Salina will come fetch me from the Hotel to Subang Gateway for the application testing -- this was because of the downtime earlier... I will be working 6 days for this week.... since last monday was a Thaipusam replacement holiday :P

God bless me..... :)

Anway, tomorrow is Valentine's Day... was hoping to get something at least -- at the dinner of course! Ahaha... maybe a lucky draw or lucky dip prize?? If not I will be so dull coz it's all about work while other people are enjoying themselves :P...

My eyes are half closed d.... nite nite everyone

Love,
Shin :P

Vaentine's Day -- 5 more days to go! :P

2009-02-09T22:01:00.003+08:00

Valentine's Day -- another event to be grieved by those who are single... Aiks! I am single too!! :P Actually, there's some bitter and sour feelings deep inside whenever I heard people had plans during their Valentine's Day celebration with their gf... Yes, you are right, those plans I heard came from all my male buddies -- asking each other whether it is good enough to buy this flower and that teddy bear, whether this bistro is better then that cafe for dinner with their gf, and blah blah blah... I felt bitter sour (not bitter sweet k) maybe is because my Valentine's experiences was too short -- only twice! The first was in 2007 -- we celebrated a week earlier due to CNY.. The second was hedious as something terribly unhappy happened between us.. And guess what, it never manage to last till the third... :S

That night Mun Wai asked me is there any good place to bring his gf out for dinner... Actually, I was the one who started the topic with him, I asked him "So, I guess during Valentine's you'll be in KL right? Had you plan out the day event yet? Where are you planning to take her out for dinner?" These are the questions that I asked him and the responses from him was "I dont know lah.." He in return asked me what will I be doing that day / night... I told him if there is nothing on that day, most probably I'll be going over to Camp5 for few hours of rock climbing sessions to occupied my mind or will plan something with my other single friends -- wait! How many other single friends of mine that are left for me to date?

Lee Ming
Jia Yin
Jo Anne
Chun Ei (I think he's up to something -- trying to date the girl he likes -- so, he's out from the list automatically)
....

I cant think of any others already.. Haha, I guess I'll just sleep to recover all those rest I had took for granted during CNY and last weekend. Oh wait!! I had company Annual Dinner that night!! Ok, I guess I have to work on Valentine's Day :P

Mun Wai asked me, "Dont you feel lonely?" My answer was, "Why should I be?" The truth was, when I went shopping alone or parking myself at Starbucks in KL Sentral -- the word lonely never came to my mind, as I really enjoyed and relaxing myself by walking around and observing my surroundings. Mun Wai always said that I am weird and he said he's worried of my safety.. :P

Oh ya, I saw a very nice Russ teddy bear and a brown hippo at the toy shop today. So, I had decided to go buy them for my own Valentine's present this year -- since I wont be getting anything from anyone :P The bear is around 93 bucks while the hippo only cost 51 bucks. I still had Bernie and Birdie sitting on my bed with a new friend, Posie, a pink reddish teddy bear which I bought with my first Starbucks salary few years ago :)

That day when I was taking bus home (Raub from KL), I was as usual listening to my iPod, then this song played again and guess what, I just couldnt stop the tears flowing down my cheeks... Never knew that it was this hard to be completely healed... Guess I am lucky that I am strong enough to had move on so far...

Love,
Shin :)

Busy week again.. :)

2009-02-09T18:33:00.003+08:00

"Pung!"
"Kong!"
"GAME!!!!"

These are the words I can hear in my sister's home now -- Mahjong! :P

It's been a tiring day traveling back from Raub to KL and have to work again tomorrow. Let me see what is on my check-list:

Meeting / Discussion with Traffic and CS on Tuesday morning, 10am
Meeting with Metler Toledo on our Maintenance Contract on Tuesday morning, 11am
Planning - CIP and PEPA project on Tuesday afternoon onwards
Cleaning and organizing mailbox on Tuesday
Going over to Subang Gateway for a meeting on Wednesday morning
Training materials preparations on Wednesday
Training session preparations on Thursday for Friday
OMG!!!!! -- > Saturday is ANNUAL DINNER -- has to be on stage assisting on awards giving ceremony by the Country Manager, Sam Leong...

Another busy week but I enjoy it :)

Love,
Shin

Let it go :)

2009-02-07T09:59:00.002+08:00

As life moves on, there are lessons to be learnt along the way... We have to let go whatever no longer belongs to us and we have to accept that fact.

I had been thinking this way since the day it happened -- 26th Sept 08. Of course, I never deny the fact that I was really trying hard to hold on to the relationship. Everytime a 'break-up' word was used, I numb myself by fighting hard to kill or destroy that word between us. I had tried many uncountable times. For me, the thing was, I was having this unbelieveable strong faith keep on telling me that we can make it through this time, we will be together and we will be happier tomorrow... but, it's always like a cycle -- when it was up and running again, there will be a day that it will come down again. I believe strongly this is the way of life and no matter what happened, we have to hold on to it and never let go.

Without denying any fact, I still do miss him a lot when we just broke off. Till the day I went back and it doesnt seem to turn out the way I wish it would be -- I do admit that, it was that night in Labuan, in my room that I told myself, "It's enough Shin Khai. You have to move on and there's no use for you to keep looking back and hoping for something that is so vague.".... That was the time I really learn hard to let go and set myself free and prioritize on the things I wanted in my life..

I'm proud to myself that I am able to set myself free from this emotional torture fast enough -- somewhere in Dec I guess -- by drowning myself with music, work, gym, climbing and of course jokes with friends and collegues :P That's when I found I am happier this way by being the real me -- doing silly things -- listening to iPod in the station and dancing, taking silly photos with friends, saying silly crazy things and make everyone laugh and most of all, my mom is happy with this 'me' now...

Many guys came into picture since I started working -- even after my breakup -- but I just take a few steps away from them. I dont want to make them confused as I do not want to be something more than friends to them. When I look at these guys -- they are great, with career, car, smart looking and some even have theirown house already... but I dont think i want all these, basically these are not what value to me -- I elieve I can have the same things too in the future, just give me some time :) The matter is, my heart is closed. I cant accept anyone nor anything realated at the moment. When Mun Wai asked me why, I answered him -- fear and confidence. I have fear in them, thinking that it might be a failed one again and I am reluctant to go through that process again. So, I joke with him during CNY that maybe I'll just enjoy being alone :) Silly thoughts he said...

I guss fairy tales just never happened to me -- I would be the Sleeping Beauty or Repunzle that are trapped in the tower guarded by the big dragon (fear) which will kill any prince that come near to save me... haha... guess it's life..

Ok, going to get myself ready to go back Raub. Chun Ei and Chia Chi are already back waiting me to go back play 'rummee' and Mun Wai is perhaps still somewhere in Temerloh -- eh, drive fast fast ah! :P

I knew Chun Ei and Mun Wai since 13 -- 10 years buddies and Chia Chi since we were 7 years old. These are my buddies that I am really glad having them around me. :)

Happy Thaipusam everyone and Happy Chap Goh Mei too!

Love,
Shin :P

A fruitfull day... :)

2009-02-03T21:33:00.002+08:00

From the moment I arrived in the office, on my notebook, and guess what -- my Outlook start buzzing me "New mails! New mails"... Haha.. of course it doesn't have that sound effect alarming me of new mails but mails just keep flowing in. Actually I had been working throughout the holiday -- 10 days of CNY break. Been accessing my mails at home and the big shit started to happened on last Saturday when the cargo scanner in Subang Gateway broke down... OMG...

Whatever it is, I manage it well -- liasing with the vendor and gateway, making sure everything and everyone is up to date. Though Gabriel, the gateway manager was making noise at me, I just have to turn a deaf ear over at him, most probably he just freak out of worrying that his facility wont achieve 100% reweigh this month :P... But what else can I do? The capasitor need to be chnaged and bad enough it was out of stock in the vendor's inventory -- they have to order from Singapore and it will only arrived on Thursday. Gab! Stop yapping! Surin, please reply Gab's email before I did! I might not know what lecture I'll be giving him :P Hahaha...

The relationship of me and my co-workers are indeed bonding, especially with my boss, Surin. I like to talk to him and sometimes he will make fun of me which all of us like it -- a part of the relaxation in office. Haha... I gained some goodfeedback from people around the office today. Some said they are glad that I'm here as there will always be laughter around and jokes for them to giggle about everytime the humour session begins :P

Today, Surin had finally asked me to fully take over all Ops applications from Salina. It will be my portfolio from this month on while Salina will be my mentor still. Although it a very big and heavy responsibility for me as I still not very sure of the business rules of each and every application there is, but I am indeed excited and motivated about it. I was thrilled! :P

Marcus gave a a block of chalk today. Chalk? Hahaha... You must be wondering what chalk and why he gave me chalk right? Well, it's not those blackboard chalk... it's rock clmbing chalk for the hand :) Guess I need to get a chalk bag soon and Kenneth already said that he would bring me to buy one :P

OMG, I am so tired today and sleepy now... Ok, heading to bed now! Sayonara!

Love,
Shin :P

MIssing them...

2009-01-31T21:44:00.002+08:00

My heart felt heavy as I thought of tomorrow... I'll be leaving Raub for KL, started to work again on Tuesday. I guess this is the 1st time where my heart felt reluctant to depart from my friends -- hometown buddies that we had spent time growing up together. It was god that the festive season actually gave us all a chance to be reunited again -- to check out about each other, how's everyone and to share all those silly and funny memories we once had when we were younger. This was the 1st time I completely having fun and enjoying myself with them -- better than any year before where I lock myself at home watching tv.

I never had such great time with friends since I enter Uni -- no matter it's Uni mates nor hometown buddies. This time around was indeed a great opportunity for me to bond with them again :)

We started to gamble almost every nights -- just some simply games of blackjack and 'niu' with small bets :P .... As for the guys, 99% of them will be the drinkers and smokers after the girls went back home. Haha... sometimes I wonder when will they stop drinking and smoking... God bless :)

For the past few nights, friends hang out at my place, playing cards and then going to get some food back for late late supper a.k.a early breakfast around 4 to 5am... :P We were the night owls for few nights till our group getting smaller and smaller -- left me and Mun Wai only...

I guess Ken Mee misses us a lot too as Mun Wai me that Ken Mee called him for no reason yesterday just to chit chat and listen to his buddy's voice.. haha... I hope I wont be like Ken Mee -- gila liao!

Ok, going to take a short nap. DHL!! STOP CONTACTING ME! IT'S HOLIDAY! Hahaha... my co-workers from all around Malaysia and RO had been contacting me non-stop for info and solutions on some issues occured... Tiring day for me... :)

Love,
Shin

p/s: God, please bless my friends and family. May they have the best of the year -- wealth, luck, health and wisdom :)

Gong Xi Fa Cai!! :) Angpau mali.....

2009-01-22T23:17:00.004+08:00

3 days more to go and it's Chinese New Year again... Still wondering what would happen this year, with all friends around and it's gonna be a long week a.k.a break for me too... Suddenly I just recapped something from last year...

Last year CNY wasnt a happy one.. although I was happy that my sis got married few weeks before CNY but as for my own personal life at that moment was totally sucks! Just a week before CNY last year, I was broke off from a 2 year relationship. The days back at home during the CNY was totally a set of gloomy and sufferings as well as 'pretending / acting' to be happy days.. You had to just pretend you are happy and nothing wrong is going on in your life that moment and it's really damn hard to go through. So, last year CNY is totally not my year and the coming one would probably be the best one so far.. hehe...

I really miss gathering with all m friends back at home. We grew up together, studied together, racing (motorbike) together, hang out at badminton court and mamak stall together till we all go seperate ways. Good enough that almost all of them already had a partner by their side where I am just happily being single at the moment :P

I took Hadi out for lunch today, since it's a farewell lunch for him, so I let him decide where he wanted to go. Without further endure, he said "Kenny!!"... so, we went to Kenny's Rogers for lunch. Throughout the time we discuss about our future career path, what he's going to do after his internship and what I'm going to do for the next few months and so on. Then suddenly he asked me about my ex. Should I tell him or not? He keep bugging me about it, so I just introduce this chap I once love to him -- what he's doing, his family, his studies and his favourite pass time. Hadi was laughing all the time listening to me as I made funny faces when I said out some words. He's not letting go the opportunity to asked me about Vincent too. "Apalah ko ni, kawan je la... kawan yang paling normal tu. Sebab I tak tahu camne nak communicate ngan dia"... was my answer and he didnt ask much after that as I guess he would understand what I meant... :P

I told Hadi that I would prefer to be with or hang out with someone who be who he or she is when they are with me -- not pretending something to impress me. No need to tell me what kind of music you listen to or what bombastic words you use in your speeches nor what extreme activity you do outdoor. Human and human relationship is all about comfort, trust and thoughfullness. Those are the main ingredients -- nothing else.

I just tried on my new rock shoes and I felt great when I tried to tip toe on the bed side to try out the pointed edge of the shoe. I can really stand nicely, firmly on the edge of the bed with just 2 or 3 cm! Wow... great!

Sleepy d... going to bed now...
Tomorrow will be a long day coz I'll be travelling home to Raub with my brother driving after work! Please pray hard for me as my bro's driving is scary! :P

Love ya all and Happy Chinese New Year,
Shin :)

My new rock climbing shoes..

2009-01-21T22:26:00.002+08:00

Recently, fell in love with this new sport -- rock climbing... and at last Kenneth managed to persuade me to get my own shoe rather than keep on wearing my own sport shoe or the one rented from Camp5... Ok, in the end I give in and buy my own pair. It's from Rock Pillars and it's orange color :P Anyway, please don't ask me about the price, but what I paid for today is definitely much cheaper from the actual selling price :)

Been busy in office lately and am having slight confusion with the intern. She doesn't really as smart as she looks like and her expression during our (me and Surin) conversation wasnt even convincing at all. I'm a bit worried to hand over some task to her as I would prefer to do it myself and get busier. I guess, everyone had to be given a chance to learn something and I just hope she dont screw up what I had started! :)

Salina commented on Faeez beard today and it was funny that he came back to me and asked me through skype bout it. Salina was laughing when she read what he wrote. Basically it is important to keep ourself neat and tidy all the time, but sometimes, it's even more important to keep your ownself happy and comfortable rather than living out life towards what others expected. For me, he looks tidy enough to work and he's happy with it, so Faeez, cheer up and be happy k :)

Hadi having a hard time deciding his path after his internship... this Friday will be his last day. I shared with him that, honestly I was having a really tough time too when I was deciding and thinking hard where should I go after my internship last year. I received offer from SAS as well as DHL, and I had to made the decision of choosing the right one. DHL is offering me a contract job but something that I will enjoy doing -- Project Management... but SAS in the other hand if offering me a permenant full time job under Project Management too... in the end, due to some reasons and strong points, I had choosen to be in DHL. Now, the same feelings came back to haunt me again... What will happen if DHL couldnt continue my contract anymore? Will I be able to get hired by another company again during this economy situation? I am worried almost all the time, everyday basically about this but I am still performing hard to show them I am an asset to them and not just something temporary :)

Hope everything will be ok...

Vincent today asked me out for lunch, eh, not today, he asked today for tomorrow's lunch. Haha, unfortunately I had planned to do a farewell for Hadi. So I guess he had to wait then.. Was planning to order in dominoes tomorrow for Hadi's farewell lunch as Vachala would be a vegetarian and I really couldnt think of any other places to celebrate. I'm glad I got to know Hadi, he a really nice chap and I'm looking forward fo him to join DHL one day (Hope that i'm still around too :P)

Ok, going to check out my new shoe before I sleep... Take care everyone as CNY is just around the corner, 3 more days to go... I also nearly catch a fever yesterday, glad that now i felt better just with a minor migrain... :)

Nite ya all... God bless!

Love,
Shin :P

Hungry day...

2009-01-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

At last... it finally ended at 7:10PM. The LCB trial run had been started since 10:00AM this morning... Oh my God, in the CMC room, it was freaking cold and the trial run was so intense that we have to crack our heads thinking of the proper processes to be proposed in order to replace the current processes.

I had my breakfast this morning but I had skipped lunch due to some work in office and then I had no time for dinner as well coz I got back home around 9:00PM just now... I went to the gym around 9:10PM then had a 40 minutes of brisk walk -- now... exhausted :P

Tomorrow I'll go climbing again -- this time it would be an indoor wall in 1 Utama, Camp5... We will be climbing from 12pm till 6pm... wow! I'm excited about it already! Hehehe...

Got to sleep earlier now... :)
Nite everyone...

Love,
Shin :P

Unhappy life...

2009-01-14T21:12:00.005+08:00

Suddenly, without me realizing, the biggest fear of my life struck me again -- tears flowing down my cheeks... I had tried my very best to stay strong for the past few months, I knew life is tough and I knew I have to go through everyday with a smile but at this moment, I just felt it's too hard for me to move anymore...

So much had happened for the past few months, I felt weak but at the same time I was telling myself that I had to go through all these by myself with courage and hope. I smiled a lot, I laughed a lot, I joke, I sing and every other thing else... but at this moment I just lost the strength... All because I just realized that, all the time, what ever had happened to me, my family was never by my side giving me strength that I needed and they were never here lending me an ear to listen to me nor a shoulder for me to cry on. I had just realized that I am very tired now of walking alone for the past 23 years...

Few years ago, I thought I had found someone at last, someone who will be there for me when when I'm sad, someone who will always had patience for me to cheer me up when I'm down, someone who would just be by my side all the time... forever... Soon enough that I was hit by the reality -- things changed, human changed too. We broke up, and again, I need to deal with everything by myself again. Swallowing whatever happened to myself deep into my guts and in hope that all of it will be digested the next morning I woke up... The place for me to share my happiness and sorrows vanished just like that... No one knew how hard I felt, no one would even bother, especially my family. I thought he will be with me aiding me while I am having such unhappy family and siblings around me... but guess I just hope too much..

For the past few months -- since the time I came back KL for my Internship and really started working, I cried almost every day coming back home, almost everyday till I break down in front of mom... I keep asking mom why, why and why... and she could never able to answer my questions.. Why am I having siblings that dont talk to me? We are living in the same house but why it was speechless between us? Why dont she answer me when I talked to her? Why she ignored my words and I was left stranded standing there? Why must he scolded me stupid whenever I asked him something? Am I not human enough to be respected?

Why cant she talk to me face-to-face instead she just prefer to sms me when she wanted to tell me something? Although we are just in the room next to each other? Why she never pick up my call whenever I called her? Am I too embarrassing to be your sister? Am I too stupid to be your sister? Am I just not good enough to be loved like you love your brother? I am your little sister too...

People always said that being the youngest is the best, you got loved by everyone from small till you grew up. You get whatever you wanted easier compare to your other siblings.. Would that applicable to me? the answer would be 'NO'...

When I was small, none of my relatives love me like they love my sister and brothers. My sister used to have birthday parties almost every year, get new dresses and etc from them -- my aunts and uncles, till she grew up. What do I get? Nothing, not even a glance from them. I only got a pink teddy bear from them when I was 5 and my only birthday party with mom and siblings when I was 6.

When I was small, I used to be bullied by my cousins, no one wanted to play with me coz I was small and dark. I was pushed aside... Mom never really loves me that much. Her attentions were more on my brothers -- espcially the 2nd brother. I would be the last to get anything in the family... Only my dad, I was his favourite. I would get him his newspaper and glasses whenever he came back from the farm. Get him his coffee made by mom and sat beside him and talk to him. He was the one who would bother to hugged me and let me sat on his lap... He was the only one who would bother to talk to me and bring me down stairs to buy ice cream...

But why, in the end he too choosed to leave me here, stranded again... He had promised to teach me how to fish... He had promised to teach me how to drive... He had promised me too much which it left me here with only false hopes...

.... my brother just knock on the door.... I just not dare enough to open the door and let him see that I'm in tears... God, I really dont want to be in this situation but I am just not strong enough now... I used to have 'him' to talk to, but I have no one now...

No one in the house allowed anyone to talk about my dad. Although I hate him so much for abusing mom and deterioting the family till the way it is today, but he is still my dad... I used to cry when I miss him, back in campus.. but I was told that I am just silly to cry instead I should move on. I am moving on... but, cant I miss my own dad? Cant you understand the pain I am having?

I admit that I am silly enough of thinking about committing suicide because of the horrible family relationships... I really do... I was thinking, if I die, I wouldnt have to suffer so much anymore as I cant bear to see my family this way and envy others' family... I used to envy my ex relationship with his sister. He joke with her, bring her out and his sister too was closed to him... and guess what, his sister was the youngest, and I asked myself, I was the youngest too but why it is so different?...

I used to envy Felicia's family too. Her mom and dad were sporting and always joke with their own children. Felicia and her brother, Alvin were just like best buddies. They jokes, share stuffs and hang out together...

My eldest brother is still missing... I called and sms hundreds of times but he never answer me. Being ignored again. Mom is damn worried of him. CNY is coming, mom and I were thinking whether he will come back home or not... :(

I had made many first moves to change thing -- talking to them, but I was ignored. Helping with the house chores, but I was ignored. Cooking for everyone, but I was ignored. If you are going to treat me such way, why do you invited me to stay here with you at the first place? Might as well I just move out to a place of my own...

Sometimes, what make me stand up and moves on again is mom and also myself. Mom had suffered enough and she shouldnt not bear all this nonsense anymore. I had been given up by so many people so many times that I am very sick of it already... In the end, it would be only myself who will be walking down the road on my own.. I am the one who is composing my own story, the characters that appeared are just some supporting elements...

My eyes are going to look bad tomorrow morning when I woke up.. Darn! Should have hold those stupid tears back... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Maggee again... :P

2009-01-13T22:10:00.002+08:00

Had tried my super duper best to stop the urge... but in the end... it just happened automatically that my hand moved over to the kitchen cabinet and grabbed a pack of maggee.. :P

I wasn't hungry at all, but I just keep having this stupid urge to eat maggee today... since lunch till now. Haha, guess I have to set a stronger mind set towards food then :P

I had 'chu cheong fun' for breakfast then I had a beef burger and fries for my lunch. None of those seems to fill up my stomach up to even 50%. Guess my stomach had grown bigger in size?? Hahaha... But interestingly is that my weight keep dropping although I am having regular meals and had been eating a lot too lately... I guess my weight now is somewhere 47 to 48kg -- dropped 2 to 3 kgs... :P

Yesterday evening our department was having this gift exchange party for Christmas, New Year & Birthday -- at last!! Everyone get their presents from someone they didnt know. Let me recap what everyone get:

Shin -- Cranberry Body Shop Range :) Smells good!
Surin -- A Sheaffer Silver Pen
Salina -- A set of glass ware
Vachala -- A nice Pink erm... scarf or something like that :P
Hadi -- A nice tie
BK -- A set of tool kit
Raj -- A very pretty tie
GSM -- Hehehe... a Green Starbucks Mug (erm... I wonder who gave this... hehehe)

Oh, I couldnt remember what everybody else got. Memory low! Hahaha... Today I just found out that my present was from big big boss -- GSM and what a coincidence, because his present was from me! Hahah... I was happy to know about this. Funny! Then we had a group photo after the party. There's a theme for the party anyway -- everyone have to dress in WHITE or PINK! Sad enough that there are some who didnt dress up to the theme, even worse, some mistaken PINK as YELLOW!! Hello Surin!!! PINK ar... bukan YELLOW arrr...!! Hahahha :P But no harm la, my boss (Surin) was cute and funny anyway...

Ok ok... it's time for my beauty sleep... the 3o minutes of gym can be quite tiring sometimes :)

Love,
Shin :)

The little kid and his dad :)

2009-01-11T18:58:00.002+08:00

I saw this little boy and his dad in the LRT -- on my way back home to SS2. I think he's just around 5 or 6 years old, petite, with his red Ultraman shirt and pants on while he non-stop commenting on what he saw out the train's window to his dad. He asked his dad a lot of questions whereby I think someone without patience to kids would probably be annoyed -- but I found him cute in a way. His dad was a 40+ man with a kinda bold head :P and he would reply and explain to each and every questions his son asked...

I felt sweet in a way by watching them... and it eventually reminds me of my dad. I smiled when I think about him. I remember how he used to hug me when I was tired walking. He would carried me with his strong arms and I would wrapped my arms around his neck then I would not stop talking or asking questions to him (as like what the kid did in the LRT). Whenever he carried me in his arms, I could smelled the cigarate breath he had due to smoking and I dislike it. I would turn my face away whenever he breath.. hahha.... I was around 5 or 6 years old then... :)

I remembered how I used to sit on his laps when he came back from the farm. I dont know why I did that but it was a very spontaneous reaction or action that time -- guess I was still small then :)

I remembered how he used to hold my little hand and went downstairs at the Indian grocery shop to buy a tub of my favourite ice-cream -- Corn / Jagung flavour... He would asked me what I wanted and I would be busy playing with all those ice in the ice box :P Then when we got back at home, I would digged all the tiny corn out from the ice cream for myself and mom would knock me on the head for being naughty :P

I remembered when I was in Kindergarten, we were moving to a new house (the house I am staying now in Raub, Pahang -- 17 years ago) -- basically we need to clean the house before we move in. He bought me Play-Doh to keep me busy while I wont disturb the others doing their work. I still remembered it was a 3 little Play-Doh cans with Red, Blue and Green clays inside... :)

I remembered when I was in Form 2, he used to ride me to the grocery store to help him buy ciggarates on the Honda motorcycle.. On our way, he used to tell me a lot of stories which I never knew...

Erm... I wonder where he is now... I had told myself before not to think about him anymore after all those shits that had happened to us but today... I just couldnt stop myself from doing so.. I guess I am missing him today :(

Even worse, I am having migrain... perhaps due to the sleepless nights I had recently... :(

Love,
Shin :)

Lecturers... Inspiration and SiFu... :)

2009-01-10T09:08:00.004+08:00

Just opened my blog after some short delay and... "Hi DHL Lady.." Hahahha, received a comment from Sir Yuz. Sir Yuz will drop by to KL next week and I am excited to meet up with him again since the last time I went back to Labuan, he wasnt around. Just called Dilla and told her baout this too, and she was even more excited than me! Hahaha...

Sir Yuz was our lecturer for 3 subjects -- Techno-preneurship, Internet Business Model and E-Marketing. He was out final project supervisor too -- Mai.com. I guess he's the only one lecturer in the school (Uni) that really awake us all from something... Let me discuss it in brief:

Sir Yuz -- He's the lecturer who opened our mind to business and $$$. What I learned from him was that studies are not all about books and exams, but it's all about how you stimulate your mind to grow especially in business and how to generate revenue! There are some risks needed to be taken in order to reach that higher level. We all need money and loves money, so sometimes when we do something, this is the best element to stimulate your creativity and motivation. Till now, we still have dream on Mai.com and guess what, I am still studying slowly, bit by bit on it in hope that one day it can be realized.
Sir Tam -- He's the lecturer who stresses on the important of management. I remember there was a time when our group presented on a business model related to IT business which he said it was too ideal. Though we were frustrated from the marks and comments, but it made me realized that the importance of identifying one true core strength you have in your business and make it as a specialization. No business is ideal but although we can only offer one best element in our business, we can still be the King!
Mr.Zul -- He's my marketing lecturer as well as my best lecturer buddy in campus. I enjoyed a lot when going through my marketing classes with him especially when we talk about customer service which I can still apply back into my job now! Customers are not only referring to those who pay $$$ for your service, instead customers are those that you deal with closely -- you are providing something that you needed. For example in my job, as a Project Exec under Ops Programs team, who will be my customers? The customers that called in and complaint of a shipment delivery? NO.... A customer who walk in with a parcel to ship? No... My customers would be all the guys on the floor (all the Operations guys -- the couriers, team leader, supervisors, service center manager, agents and sometimes other departments in the company as well) So, well you see, customer is defined in many ways by referring only to your job. As like for lecturers, their customers = students! Zul always stress on the importance of knowing you customers as well as the correct way you need to deal with each and everyone of them :)

Seriously, not much lecturers in the Uni that I had really enjoyed learning with and the above 3 are my top 3 ranking... hahaha... Guess now my most important lecturer is my own life -- facing everyday issues and problem solving situation in work as well as the daily humour and jokes you need to inject into the working environment is so damn important. I'm glad that I had been known as one of the happy star in the department as I constantly making them laugh without reasons! Hahah :P

I had my mind thinking on this the whole night yesterday -- if I were to stay put in DHL for a very long time, where would I set my foot to next? Would I just choose to stay at the place where I am now -- the Ops Program? Or will I choose to explore somewhere else like the facility -- service centre or gateways? Had a very interesting conversation with Raj in the LRT yesterday and I had a strong gut feeling telling me that I wanted to take up the challenge of managing a gateway if I had the chance to... Ouch! Too early to set a dream that is so high la!!
Heheheh

Love,
Shin :)

P/S: Sir, later inform us when and what time we can hang out k! :)

Hectic schedule :P

2009-01-07T19:41:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow onwards, I'll be having a terrible hectic schedule. Let me see what's on the calender for Jan 09.

8th Jan Morning --> eDec.Asia Application Training with the 4 gateways (Penang, JB, Subang and KLIA)
8th Jan Afternoon --> LCB (Landed Cost Billing) discussion with Salina, Vachala and Jacky
9th Jan Morning --> Team Monthly meeting
9th Jan Afternoon --> OJB / JHB GTW TSP Audit Findings review with Salina
9th Jan Evening --> Christmas / New Year Gift Exchange Party
10th Jan Morning --> Relax myself at Starbucks, KL Sentral before heading back home to Raub
11th Jan --> Travelling from Raub back to KL... Tiring
12th to 14th Jan --> LCB Trial Run
12th to 16th Jan --> Have to finish up 2 TSP reports!! :(

I couldnt write anymore coz my head is dizzy when thought of all these! Hahaha... but surprisingly, I enjoy my hectic schedule as I know I will learn even much more during this process!

Marcus came back to work today after his few days break from work, and I am glad that at least he's interested in rock climbing as I do. So, next time I can share infos about climbing with him and might as well ask some tips from him too :P
But too bad, he'll be leaving to South on Feb 1st with his wife and son -- he's been promoted to become the South Area Manager, meaning he'll handle and be in charge of everything in the South area. Congrats to him too!

I had maggee for dinner and I felt bloated already... Ate some fruits too, but still hungry... :P
Ok, I'm going to catch up with my reading and will sleep soon. Nite everyone!

Love,
Shin :)

Some memorable friendships...

2009-01-06T20:59:00.004+08:00

Had an hour of gym... tired basically, but my mind just couldn't stop thinking... of 2 person lately.

I was in the LRT so I turn on my iPod, stuck the earphone into my ear and pushed the play button. The first song that played was "Same Side Of The Moon"... It automatically reminds me of Ricardo. I realized at that moment that we had less conversation lately and I hope he's doing fine. Sometimes, I would just like to drop him an email asking how's the baby doing and how's work and etc.. But I am just worried my emails would left something on, lingering... :)
Hope he's in a pink of health and having fun with his work back in Philippines :P I was wondering how the baby girl doing now, I think she's already a month old by now :)

Then... when I was browsing through some pictures -- some old pictures, I realized that I still had this friend in my heart that I still couldnt forget about. Although it's weird of what had happened between us (even I wasnt so clear about it), I still hoping to be friends with him again, like 3 years ago... All this time, I never had him removed from my memory and I wish him well now. Hope he's doing the right thing and living well :) Oh, I had forgotten his name, he is Mohd. Arif B. Shariff. See! I still remembered his full name :P I used to call him Raksasa Arif (and he would call me Penguin Shin) and he was the best buddy I had before in my life :) God bless him please...

My friendship with another friend was always on and off since past 2 years -- Mr. Panda Foo, you are so hard to layan la... We were so close to each other when we were in 1st year, best buddies also. Foo would always buy me gifts whenever he go on vacations with his gang and would called me when he knew that I was damn sick during our first CNY in Labuan, 2006 I think. Hahaha... But I was lucky to have Leo around that time to buy me medicine and took me to the clinic. Leo even bought me KFC when I was well-behave and drink my cough medicine (he didnt know that actually I had skipped taking my medication) Hahaha...

Foo sent me a funny yet lovely hand-made card for my 23rd birthday. Inside the card were my pictures and my cat's pictures and some birthday wishes. In the card too, he wish me well and have a very 'sayang' me punya bf... Guess, the wishes just couldnt last for any longer coz after 14 days (2 weeks) from my birthday, I no longer have a bf that love me.. :) But I found someone who love me more -- that is myself. I found that I am loving myself more.. :) And I also realized that my cat, Baby also love me more! Wakakaka...

Someone said earlier in my FB that I wouldnt like adventurous guys and I would prefer adventurous activities as these activities will give me more self-confidence. Bull shit la really. The self-confidence was always there it's just that it had been suppressed by something which I didnt realize. There's no harm with adventurous guys -- adventurous in the sense of going out and do fun and challenging outdoor activities with me -- hiking, camping, white-water rafting, kite flying, visiting the zoo, go orchestra, watching ghost movie, jamming in the studio, kutip durian, doing volunteering work, gardening and etc... (I consider all thees are fun things to do ok :P) -- but not adventurous in the sense that the guy was being adventurous in multiple girls... haha... I had a friend who is adventurous in this sense, and we (me and all my hometown buddies) are wondering when the bubble will burst! :P Secret, couldnt tell you who she/he is! That's why defining the word 'adventurous' is important here...

Suddenly, I am thinking of Ramesh. What the hell is this fellar doing la?? Macam sudah sesat. Lydia Koh also -- guess she was really busy la coz she was complaining about her task last week. Hope she's doing well. :P I'm going to call Chun Ei later to ask him about the Langkawi trip. Suddenly I pula have to become the organizer -- teruk betul lah Mun Wai and Ken Mee... :(

Ok, am getting tired already! Nite everyone~

Love,
Shin :)

Rock Climbing Rocks!

2009-01-04T22:38:00.004+08:00

"Put your left foot on that crack just next to the tree roots!"
"Where?"
"There! Just a few inch up where you are stepping now!"
"Ohhh... itu!"

Hahaha, those were some conversations I remembered during my climbing at Batu Caves this morning. Wow, it was a great experience and I really do enjoy it a lot!

It's a nature rock climbing -- meaning, a real outdoor at some rock hills climbing! Not those build in indoor climbing walls. I couldn't remember how high was the first wall I climbed and oh man, it is not easy! I had cuts on my fingers when I was gripping and trying to find cracks to grip, I had bruises on my legs when I bumped onto the rocky areas, and I bumped my head slightly when I was too nervous with my first climb! Hehehhe :P

My lower arms were so tired and numb after my first tried-out and the best part was, I felt so satisfied with my climb. Why? Hehe, there were 2 first timers today -- me and a girl name Maggie, but only me managed to reach to the end of the route today! I am kind of proud of myself (secretly) today... hehehehe :P

I am glad that Kenneth drag me into this and definitely I am learning it and enjoying it. Afterall the shits happened in life (imagine I am 23 now :P), I had started to love myself and my life again! Was chatting to Kwan and told him about the climb and he was excited too. He wanted so bad to join us but unfortunately he's in Sandakan now.

Ok ok... I am exhausted d... and my hand is tired... Nite everyone!

Love,
Shin :)

'Talak' and 'Cina Buta'

2009-01-02T20:18:00.002+08:00

Just got back from gym downstairs. Had a 40 minutes of cardio and another 20 minutes of striding. Total = 60 minutes, and I still felt energetic. Felt great that now I enjoy doing cardio more than ever, perhaps as preparations before I headed to Batu Caves or Taman Melawati for a rock climbing session. Hahaha... Am definitely doing what I had always wanted to do now. :)

Office was good today, nothing much happened and I was just concentrating on doing my audit report while chatting with Faeez and Dilla. Once a while, Uncle Stephen will drop by to say hello, and so do Vincent and Azrin. Report is a very dull work that why I walked around a lot today.

Oh ya, before I forgot, there something damn funny happened in office this evening. It all started by me. I asked Salina what is talak. So she was explaining to me what does it means as well as Cina Buta. So, apparently, for a muslim / malay, men of course, you can only divorce with the same woman for 3 times (means remarry the same woman for twice) and that's it. Dont understand? Ok ok... let me create a story..

Let say... Ahmad marry Aminah in 1997. Somewhere in 1998, they had a fight and Ahmad said to Aminah that he will divorce her -- this is the first 'talak'. Ok, so they divorced. After 6 months, Ahmad felt lonely (as if some guys does) and regret, he beg and reconciled with Aminah again, so they got married again (re-married 1st time) in 1999. In 2000, this stupid Ahmad slaped Aminah after an argument and he said he will divorce Aminah again! So they divorced for the 2nd time -- the second 'talak'. In 2001, he wanted Aminah back again so the reconciled again! (re-married the 2nd time). Haha, in 2004, Ahmad was bored with Aminah coz he been seduced by Suzana and he divorved Aminah for the 3rd time -- third 'talak'. So Aminah move on in her life and that stupid Ahmad was broke coz Suzana ran away will all his money. Ahmad felt regret and misses Aminah a lot, and he wanted to reconcile with Aminah again but cant -- because for then, he can only called 3 times of 'talak' and that it, OVER!

What Ahmad can do is, if Aminah do wish to reconcile back with this Ahmad (only if Aminah if blind, stupid or deaf -- if not what the hell she wanted this stupid guy for right? :P), Aminah has to marry with another man for temporary -- this is what they called it Cina Buta -- and then after thta period of time, Aminah have to divorce with that man, lets call him Abu, then she can reconcile and get married to Ahmad again.

Ok, so that was the whole explaination about the 'talak' and 'Cina Buta' terms. The jokes was, Raj stepped out from his cubicle and asked me in front of everyone -- what is the difference of 'nikah' and 'kahwin'? I thought it was the same as I turn to Hadi, he also answered that it's the same. So this was a dirty joke by them -- nikah is legal marriage while kahwin is illegal. Then Raj added, nikah is marriage spiritually while kahwin is marriage physically! Darn this Raj with his joke.

Then very spontaneously I jumped up and said "OH!!! No wonder they said kahwin lari la, and not nikah lari!"... as soon as I finished this, Raj drop to the floor and start laughing and everyone in the department was laughing like hell! Hahaha, I myself too couldnt stop myself :P

It was indeed one of a good department to work in and I do really hope I'll be a permenant staff soon. Not entirely of those fun I have with the people there, but it's because I love doing what I am doing now -- managing projects and making people laugh! Hahaha..

Ok, I smell bad not because of the sweat after gym. I better go take a shower now. C ya all around! Happy New Year!

Love,
Shin :)

Happy 2009 New Year!

2009-01-01T02:42:00.002+08:00

OMG.. From this moment onwards I will not go out to any countdown event in KL anymore! It was a interesting experience, but I dont think I can take it. Hahaha... of all the crowds and youngsters especially (as if I am not a youngster :P), the craziness they shown and all the rubbishes created was definitely a NO NO to me from no on. In my mind, I cant stop thinking of how the DBKL will clean up the place tomorrow, how would the news be tomorrow regarding all this mess, how dirty and irresponsible Malaysians are, how wasteful was it for them to buy the can spray to just spray at whoever that pass by, how tiring and wasting time it was, and blah blah blah... OMG, I sound like an old lady now :P I had a good time anyway, it's just a way to open my eyes for something I never encounter before :)

Anyway, watched d movie "Australia" and it wasnt bad at all. Great scene on the cow/bull herding! Definately fall in love again with Hugh Jackman, with his beard on. Indeed a sexy man, no wonder he's been voted as one of the sexiest man alive on earth! Hahaha... dont forget my Edward Cullen too!

Speaking of Edward Cullen, I am on the midst of finishing the Twilight novel. My findings were that the novel is definitely better than the movie and this caused some disappointment within me towards the movie now. There is a chapter about Charlise history which I think is very important to be shown in the movie as it's the part where audience would know about why and how the tradition of being a 'vegetarian' vampire begins and how great the effort of Charlise made to stay humanly (although he's already a vampire). It would be great if this was in the movie, but too bad is wasnt! Haih...

I love the novel so much and am looking forward to purchase the next sequel 'New Moon' next week in MPH. I found an interesting book in Times Bookstore in Pavillion too today. If I am not mistaken the title is "The Woman With The Wolf" or is it "The Wild Woman And The Wolf"?? It's a book which I am looking forward to read soon :)

Ok, I'm exhausted and need to rest now. HAPPY NEW YEAR ya all! May you all have a wonderful new year and may you all always be in a pink of health too!

Love,
Shin :)

Movie Day!

2008-12-28T20:54:00.002+08:00

I guess today is the day I watched most movies in my life.. Haha.. Non-stop from afternoon till now while I was skipping, painting, eating, drinking and even blogging :P

Now I am waiting Sherk 3 to start on HBO. Let me list down the movies and also my rating for them :)

Transformer -- GREAT!
Good Luck Chuck -- Nice Romance
Romeo & Juliet -- This is the 90's version, not that good.. but Leonardo simply looks cute (the younger version)
Great Expectations -- This is the modern version and it still as great as the novel :)
Batman Returns -- BAD but loves Cat Woman
Spiderman 3 -- WOW!
Lethal Weapon -- Erm... Old movie.. so so :P
Men In Black -- Interesting

Ok.. those are the movies I can remembered. I watch them before this but for some of them, they still give the same great feelings to me even after I watched them for so many times :)

There are some movies I am looking forward to watch:

Bedtime Stories
Four Christmases
No Reservation
The Spirit
Madagascar 2
Ice Age 3

Erm... sis was asking me to buy the second hand MyVi that her friend is selling. I'm still weary about it. Hope everything will be ok... :)

Love,
Shin :P -- I need to concentrate watching Sherk the Third now :)

Stop shouting! :(

2008-12-28T10:38:00.003+08:00

Woke up and had an apple for my breakfast -- healthy breakfast indeed right? Oh ok ok... what the heck! This was not what I had in my mind at the moment. Something pissed me off 5 minutes ago and I am trying my best to calm down myself now.

Here's the story:

A bunch of kids from the Chinese secondary school dropped by selling tickets for the CNY celebration that they will be having somewhere in February. So, what happened during this lovely bright morning was, I went out to find out what's up with their promotion. So this young boy with 4 or 5 other of his friends were trying ot promote their program. I told them (lied) that my family wont be around during CNY and they boy quickly told me that it's after CNY. So I tell (lied) to them again that I need to ask my mom whether she wanted to go or not. As I stepped in, I really couldn't understand why must she reacted that way in front of outsiders. She started showing her furious face and shouted at me asking me to close the door. It's was like a reflex response that my voice what high and ask her, "Why must you reacted this way??" Then she calm down and start being defensive over it.

The truth is, I will never buy their tickets and I just try to be nice and polite to them. People like mom and some of you who are reading this right now, will never understand how hard it was to do things like what those kids did -- walking from house to house to promote you programs. I had been through it and if you are not going to support them, PLEASE DON'T DISCOURAGE THEM! It's a learning process for them.

So the reason for my mom defense is solely one reason:

There are a lot of con-man out in the road nowadays. Students? So what? You think students cant be con-men?

The reason she given is acceptable and understandable but, it was the way she reacted and the way she delivered the information is so wrong. I knew how to protect myself. I have brains that will interpret whether thing is wrong or right -- I wont show a big notation mark on my face coz I knew how to deal with it in a better way -- no need for shouting, showing angry face, cursing nor "lock the door!" It made me somewhat repel from this home sometimes. I felt stress of having the need to deal with something I think isnt right. I knew I had been brought up living in this kind of responses and reactions, but for me, things need to be changed!

Was it my problem? Yes, it is my problem. The problem is I had grown up and I am now understand there are better ways to handle a situation rather than reacted in a negative way. Whatever it is, I love my family the way they are although sometimes I am having a hard time living with them. So, I choose to repel -- not completely -- but at times from them. There's just something needs to be changed for our own good.

I felt so much better now. It's never easy to not having anyone for you to share what you are thinking nowadays -- since the break and up.. hahaha... Talking to mom is sometimes useless as either her or me will ended up being upset coz she's from the old school and i'm from the new school. Theories just clashes! Hahaha... :) Love you still mom

Stomach aching..... gtg... :P

Love,
Shin :P

Snap.. snap! = Shorter Hair :P

2008-12-27T14:28:00.002+08:00

At last! Had my hair cut shorter today and of course my head felt lighter too :)
I had curled my hair few months ago -- sort of like an experiment which I tried once in a while but in the end I found out that I still prefer to be straight hair :)

Wavy a.k.a full volume hair = more mature looking and sexy in a way you look at it. This hairstyle gives your hair some texture especially when you let go of it
Straight a.k.a plain = easier to manage and of course younger looking. I felt absolute free-spirit having a straight hair

The hairdresser was good (a friend of my mom) but one thing that disgust me was that the heat used by her on my hair was unacceptable! I can see my hair producing smoke! Ouch! And it's burning my skin too when I had stopped her and ask her to lower the heat.. Thank God the hairdryer's heat level can be adjust (the modern version of the old one.. hahahah :P)

Going to continue painting the staircases later -- the steel beam this time. Later in the evening will be the house gate's turn again. It looks so nice in the Citrus Yellow color. Dont worry as I will post on some new photo of the gate soon.. haha...

As usual, my cat will be guarding me doing my painting job again.. argh.. as if this house is his! Hahaha...

Love,
Shin :P

Painting Job by Professional, Shin the Painter!

2008-12-26T15:42:00.002+08:00

OH GREAT!

When I started to paint the house gate and suddenly under the sunny and bright sun, it started to RAIN!! Great! But dont worry, I'm still feeling sunny and happy beause... my Baby (cat) was there accompanying me with his weird way of sunbathing.. haha.. This cat never scared of water and sun. He always sunbath under the hot sun and when it started to rain, he dont bother about it till it got heavier.. haha... This is indeed one special cat I have :)

Had a jam-pack day today:

9.45am -- went out to town on my bike (alone with 70mph :P) to withdraw some money and to check my account at the EPF branch office.
10.10am -- arrived at the Registrar Office to renew my IC (Identity Card). The reason behind this renewal was because I had been ask by police, airlines counter as well as my insurance agent to get it change. Why? The photo on the IC just dont look like me NOW! Haha.. I was short hair (boyish look -- Extreme shortness) back then when I made that IC and not my hair is probably 20x longer than it was! Haha... I'm glad at last I had the chance to renew it. HOWEVER! The guy flatten my photo and my face looks rounder as I already is! OMG! Hahaha :P
11.00am -- bump into a teacher of mine when I finished my IC renewal (only manage to get it somewhere in March 2009 :(... ) . We had a long chat on how everyone is, how's life, work and etc. Nice seeing him again! :)
11.45am -- got back home and was having stomack ache -- off go the toilet :P
12.15pm -- had lunch = potatoes and fish and rice ... nyum nyum
12.35pm -- went out with mum to the bank and then headed to the shop selling paint. I bought 3 cans of paint (Citrus Yellow, Rose White and... erm... I couldnt recall the name of the 3rd one, it looks like papaya color :P)... all cost me around RM140 (together with mom's fertilizer for the vegetables :)... there goes my money ... haha
1.10pm -- gpt back home and started to paint the staircases... it was tiring

And now when I had stop because of the rain, guess what... the rain had stopped! Ok ok.. I better get out there and continue painting the gate or else I'll stop entirely.. Haha... Lazy pig me...

There's something keep popping in my mind when I was doing the painting.. I was imagining the time when I was doing house chores with the one I love, it must be lots of fun! Hahaha... silly me.. it will never happen :)

OK, got to go!

Will be back -- painting now!
Shin :P

Killer...

2008-12-25T19:10:00.002+08:00

The conversation with him was dreadful... I felt so bad. I felt like I was the killer of something so good... But, it is just so out of my reach..

Once, I had wanted so much for My ex to sacrifices something for me.. sacrifices anything -- either to come over to work in West M'sia or to drop his ego a little bit or whatever.. but it never happened. Now, when there is someone who are willing to do all that for me (maybe), big sacrifices that we all might never think of, my heart just got scared and worried... I don't want to be the one who take away all the happiness from him and letting him to realize the feeling of regrets coming to haunt him later. So, I had explained to him of all the possibilities -- the possibilities of things go wrong.. Hope he just understand why I do so...

Feeling bad now... I guess I'll just dooz-off for the night..

God bless us all..

Love,
Shin :)

Christmas Day = Rainy Day... Where's the sunny girl? Hahaha..

2008-12-25T11:40:00.004+08:00

As I opened my eyes, there was this sweet tingling sensation in my heart -- I had a good dream, one that I had been longing on to happen in reality. What I can still recall from the dream was that there were 4 of us, friends hanging out together at Danny's Kopitiam... But I couldnt no longer remember the faces in the dream..

Indeed, I had lots of friends around me -- some from childhood till now and some I encounter during my Uni life and working life nowadays.. Some had been very good friends to me till now and some had just slipped away with their own new life :) I'm glad to still has friend like Ken Mee around coz he's the one I had not lost contact with since I had gone so far away for my studies :) Thanks pal...

I do admit that I had better friendships with they guys rather than some girls -- maybe because sometimes I dont know how to keep up with the ladies as they seems to be so up and trendy and I'm just in my plain jeans and t-shirt. They just look their prettiest no matter when it is and I would just prefer to be laid back and comfortable. Guess I envy their beauty and looks? Haha.. maybe and maybe not.. Guess 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' makes sense to me :P

Today is one of my childhood friend's engagement. Fara is one of those friends I knew since Primary school till now and we keep in touch with each other whenever it's possible. She had been dating her fiancee, Ezany for almost 5 years now and a part of my envy and is very happy for them too. How hard it is to retained a relationship is never easy for everyone to understand unless you had been in one before :)

So far, I have more then 5 friends who got married already. Sometimes silly thoughts came through me too on when will it be my turn? 5 years from now? 8 years from now? 10 years? Or I'll just be with myself all the time? Hahaha... It doesnt really bothers me that much yet. Afterall, marriage is just a piece of paper wth 2 signatures on it -- the emotional and spiritual bond between the 2 persons are more important for me :)

I didnt manage to make it to the engagement coz it had been raining since 6am till now, 12.47pm. I dont have a car and was planning to ride my scooter over -- since it's raining, plan cancelled and I'd drop her a message saying sorry and congratulations too! :) Hope they will make it through till their wedding then I'll definately will attend the ceremony :)

Kind of bored at home since it's raining -- I couldnt bath my dogs or else they will catch a cold hahaha.. I cant do my gardening and maybe I can get hold on some in house chores :)

Rainy day reminds me of Vincent calling me a Sunny Girl. Guess the sunny just not strong enough today that's why it started to rain so heavily!! Haih... :P

Ok, got to have my lunch now! Curry chicken! Yay!

Merry Christmas,
Shin :)

p/s: Happy Birthday to Sim and Hian Chung!

Lunch = Cancelled... But a great day still :)

2008-12-24T22:10:00.002+08:00

Ouch! Our team didn't manage to had lunch together today coz Vachala wasn't free -- she had something on. The lunch was reschedule to next Wednesday, 31st Dec (New Year's Eve) :)
So, what I did was I spent my lunch with Dilla at the KLCC food court where she had McD and I had my Japanese food :P

Earlier a friend had asked me to join him to MidValley for shopping. I wasnt that familiar with the place yet so I insisted that I wanted to go over to KLCC instead. Of course, MidValley has something I cant resist -- The Pet's World -- but I have to say NO this time round coz a quality time hanging out with my buddy is better :)

It was quite shocking that on a usual working day like today, the mall was jam-pack with human (Human? As if I'm not one :P) hahaha.. Maybe because today is Christmas Eve, people are out doing their last minute shopping :)

I did my shopping too -- Giordano. It was a great bargain because they were having this 50% discount on purchase of 2 items and above. So, at first I bought a pair of low raise boot cut jeans which is RM169. Then the girl ask me to pick another item, so I got a blue color stripes shirt which is RM69. Here's the best part of the bargain, instead of paying RM169 + RM69 = RM238... I only need to pay RM119 for both the items... I saved RM119!! Great. If I am a billionaire, I guess I'll buy each of every item in the store! Hahaha...

The ride back to Raub in the bus was tiring, especially when I am carrying home my notebook.. Luckily, I had my Twilight novel with me (so far, I am onl manage to read till chapter 11 due to hectic time at work and exhausted body after work :P), and of course the iPod. After half an hour concentrating on the book, I doozed off... I was then awaken by the vibration of my phone -- it's was a message from Vincent and Dilla. One was asking whether am I sleeping in the bus and the latter was asking how much I bought my Twilight novel.. hahaha... Guess I am lucky today to have them accompanied me (virtually) till I reached Raub :P

Home as usual, is always warm -- a place where I spent most of my childhood with :) Mom at the door welcoming me home will Popeye (my dog) keep jumping up and down when he saw me :).. Last but not least, Baby (my cat) came running in from I dont know where and I lifted him up and hug him into the house.. He was lighter than last weekend I guess and smells good too.. emmm... maybe Mom had just bathed him :)

There's something weird about my cat. Whenever my Mom does prayers in the morning or evening, he will rush over and sit next to the prayer table... Mom said he loves to pray for us (me and my other siblings) too -- for us to be safe and healthy working outside :P

Tonight is Christmas Eve -- tomorrow = CHRISTMAS!! Hereby, I'm taking this opportunity to wish everyone, Merry Christmas!

The Replacement Santa Rina,
Shin :P

Smile = Something I'm good at? MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!

2008-12-23T18:49:00.004+08:00

Today, a conversation with a friend reminded me of how much I had changed.. not to worse fortunately, it's to a better me.. It reminded me of how much I enjoy SMILING nowadays compare to few years ago...

I never like taking photographs when I was around Form 1 (13 years of age) till I reached 18 years old. I will always hide nor give excuses of not to be included into the photo session wen one come nearby. Reason? I considered myself want as pretty and attractive as my other girl friends. Back at time, I will always think that I would look ugly or horrible in the photo so I prefer not to be in it. Maybe it's because I always look like a boy -- with my super short haircut and boyish outlook (no! I'm not a tomboy.. I just felt more comfortable of being in that way that time). So, I just drift away without much photos of my teenage life with friends... :(

Then when I reached 18, it was during my Form 6 years that I truly enjoy taking pictures. Every of the pictures that you can see then was a big smile from me. I enjoyed taking photos then especially with some of my buddies and we just act silly in most of the photos which made us laugh so much till now. Then it comes to one day that my mom's friend commented on my smile and I can still remember what she said...

"Oh, is this your youngest daughter? She had grown up so much and definitely prettier now (I didn't tokok tambah ah, this is definitely what she commented :P). Your daughter smile is beautiful too, she had a pretty and bright smile" Then she smile to me... I remember this because it was the first direct and happy comment I had after so many years of me growing up with all these old folks. There's another friend of my mom, who's a hawker during Pasar Malam too gave the similar comments... Then when I look back and think about it, it's actually something I should be proud of, my SMILE :)

I used to remember how much my ex love to see me smile. I guess it was my smile that had attracted to him at the first place. Guess it's no longer important. :)

Today, this friend had reminded me to keep smiling no matter what happened and it actually gave a knock on the head that, I had forgotten what I am good at naturally -- smiling :) Sometimes, I smiled too much that it made me tired and my face just become static.. hahaha... There were few times that my face cramp because of smling too much during photo sessions... hahaha..

Ok ok, enough with smiling... today was a very bright sunny day too! At 6.00pm the sun was still shining bright and hot as it was in the afternoon. This reminds me of the song "My Girl" -- 'You're my sunshine, on a sunny day.." :P

I received a surprise today from Vincent. Early in the morning, he came over to my desk (he was expecting me not to be in office yet) and handed over a paper Isetan bag to me, of course the screw drivers that I had requested to fix the courier scanners too. I said thanks to him and he left. When I open the bag, there was this cute little golden teddy bear tied to this box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates :) It a Christmas present from him... This is the 3rd Christmas present I received from people around me...

A pretty card holder from Jessica, my ex-HR senior :)
A pretty silver bracelet from Ric and of course a card :)
A cute little bear and chocolates from Vincent, my IT friend :)

Guess I am blessed for this christmas. For the past few years, I never received any Christmas gift from anyone, only cards from Lydia, and no one else... I myself would have sent out dozens of cards for the festive seasons only to be forgotten in the end, even those that was just by my side at that moment :P.. hahaha... past is past.. let it be...

Going back to Raub tomorrow after work -- DHL is having a half day work day during festive season's eve and since it's Christmas eve, we can go home earlier :) My team will be having a lunch outing tomorrow, not sure where we'll be going but come to think of it, most probably would be to Banana Leaf coz Vachala is a vegetarian. I'm fine with Banana Leaf coz Indian food is just my favorite! :P Spicy and hot! Wow... I'm hungry already :P

Ric asked me what will I be doing during this holiday (I took leave on the 26th too :P), so below is the list..

Paint the house gate into Apple Green color -- hope Mom will agree with me
Renew my ID card and Mom's birth certificate -- gotta look pretty in the photo shot! Haha
Go jogging every evening -- have to keep myself fit!
Plant some vegetables for CNY -- maybe some onions and salads and tomato and lady's fingers and spinach and.... too much for that little piece of land :P
Bath my dogs -- Popeye and his mom, MoiMoi :P
Wash MoiMoi's cage -- ewww!!!
Play with Baby, my cat :)
And last but not least, the most important one of all --> take Mom out for a Western food dinner --- nyum nyum... :)

Ok, that's all I guess. Anyway, my brother in law, Andy's parents are here and I just love to have them around coz they will chit chat with me! :P

Alright, my fingers are tired already and I'll stop here now. Take care ya all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!!!

May Santa Clause visit you soon (in your dreams of course!) Hahahaha...

Naughty but with love,
Shin :P

Weird Feelings...

2008-12-22T20:58:00.002+08:00

The song play and I started to feel weird... Weird in the sense that it wasn't comfortable. It was not the feeling I ever wish that I had in my life. I never like it and I never invited it into my life but it just came without warning -- the feeling of.. Being LONELY...

I step out from the train, not the destination I was suppose to go to, but it just a impulse from my head that it moves my body out from the train. I suppose to go home directly after work and get down at Taman Bahagia station, but just 3 stations before it, I arrived at Taman Jaya station.. Without a sense of direction where I am heading to with my iPod still stuck in both my ears, I slowly walking towards the A&W outlet nearby and had a quick dinner there.

As I finished, that song played again.. the song caused the weird feeling to attack me. I felt lonely within myself and started to felt envy when I saw couples holding each other hands and sharing laughter and warmth. A part of me reminded me of something I had before, not necessarily a good one but at least, I shared the warmth before. However, the another part of me was reminding me of something more important and the feelings was stronger... It remind myself not to hurt myself anymore. It tells me that being alone is fine, it could be better than letting people to invade your life again..

Arrggghh... what the heck! I took of the iPod and off it, place it back into my handbag and boarded the next train back home.

These feelings were indeed weird and I dont like it...

Today, we had a special visitor. Her name is Inaz (I think I spelled it correctly), she was the previous co-ordinator for our department. I couldnt recall whether I had seen her before but today (after I had see her :P) it was indeed an eye opening experience! Hahaha..

Her voice was definately easy to be recognized from far. As I see this lady walking into the department, "Oh, so.. that's Inaz?" Hahaha... She dont look like a Malay lady, probably the way she dress is more attractive than any of us in the office. A torquise dress which able to show everyone her hour-glass body shape with a shoulder length haricut -- perhaps she can be attracive to some people (guys) :P

Then there was this fellar (let's call him Mr. SV), he was oggling at her breast while Inaz was talking to him. OMG, I couldnt believe there is such human being exist in my office and I was then more freak out of this guy. Maybe it's a natural response from me, but since that day he stared at me in an inappropriate way, I had been trying to ignore him. When he walk towards the photocopy machine, deep inside my heart I always pray to God "Please dont let him come near me!" Hahahaha... Dont laugh! It always better to prevent than to regret later.. :) But luckily, my signs are enough to make him understand that "Dont go near Shin, she's dangerous!" :P

Haha.. Today Vincent came over to my desk to pass me the screw driver and the HP diary when I was out for lunch with my team and poor guy, he got teased by Ms. Anum again.. haha.. Anum Anum... dont scare my friend away k.. I was guessing, maybe Anum likes him.. hehe... too bad tak sama channel..

Ric sprained his ankel today, and I hope he's fine now. We didnt talk much this few days and it made me felt strange too. :) We are still good friends... good friends that not much could understand... I just hope his ankel wont get swollen and hope he can walk just fine.. Merry Christmas super sexy gentleman! hahaha... I'm sure he'll smile once he read this special phrase.

Dilla, I was kinda worried about her too.. of what she's going through right now. I hope she will be fine soon. I'm not dare to ask much, I just want her to be relax and happy. I will always be there for her if she needed someone to talk to. Promise! :)

Mun Wai, hope he'll be ok soon with his gf too. He's been having this dilemma with his gf's family. I just hope he understand what he wants and dont make stupid mistakes which will make him regret for the rest of his life. 4 years of relationship is never easy -- even for me, 2 and a half years of relationship really needs a lot of strong determination and courage to let it go and most importantly, to forgive it.. I was regret.. Regreted that I had a failed relationship... :)

Ouch.. with all these commotions, I guess I am sleepy already and I am definately exhausted!
Have fun ya all...

Love,
Shin :P

I miss her...

2008-12-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

"Hello?"
"Hello, B ah?"
"Ah'a, sis?"
"You guys still at home? Haven't come back yet?"
"No, not yet. Bro Jea Hoe said we'll leave at 7pm later"
"Ok then. So, you guys will eat before leaving right?"
"Yup"
"OK"
"Bye sis".....

I felt a sudden of happiness within me when I heard my sis called me 'Ah B' over the phone. It's been a long time since she had called me by that and to talk to me in that voice I had been missing so much till now. After a while of letting go and ignorance, I had realized that, it's been quite a long time we had never spoken to each other face to face nor in phone conversation. Everything was just silence and few sms for a month -- that's how we communicate.

She is my big sister -- she used to decide everything in my life and she was my inspiration and motivation. She was so good in everything that I look up on her from my childhood till I was sane enough to make my own decision. Anywa, for ya information, our age gap is 10 years :)

I still remember that when I was younger, I used to received birthday cards, christmas gifts and some good luck cards every year and during my every major examinations. I still remember and kept all those things she gave me -- simple but meaningful to me. I remember there was this long rabbit card she gave me during my 12th birthday and also a good luck card for my UPSR that year... I received a big Pink Piggy soft toy during 2005 Valentines' Day -- my first Valentines' present ever... I love it so much..

But... I guess everything had changed now...

On my way back from Raub to KL, while I was risking my life with my brother terrible driving (the speed and ignorance of safety), my eyes were actually full with tears when I thought of my sister -- I realized how much I miss her everyday, the moments as sisters that we had spent once. Altough we see each other everyday (coz we are living in the same house), but the feeling I get from her was different -- I fear of her, I felt totally stranger in this house, I dont know how to face her after all those methods I had tried earlier (when I just got here in KL). Everything failed earlier which makes me afraid to approach her again. So, I had chosen to just closed one of my eyes and let it be...

I guess no one would understand how I felt -- as I had shared this with the one I cared and love so much before, but the critics to me was that I'm just silly to be bothered by this. I just want to let the person know, she is my sister...

One thing for sure, I thank God for blessing me with her. Without her, I dont think I can continue my studies as I had if I was hoping for help from my 2 brothers.. Without her, I dont think this is the place I'll be now...

I just hope she know and understand that I love her as much before. Nothing had changed...

Love,
Shin

Lagu Kita - Aizat : I love it! :)

2008-12-20T08:08:00.002+08:00

Morning everyone, guess some of you have not waken up yet when I am writting this. Nevermind, keep on sleeping though :P

Just finished my routine Saturday early morning swimming practise (why early? Coz I dont want people to see me flapping like a drowning duck in the pool :P). Today can be said there's some improvement too coz I managed to hold my breath longer than I thought I can and today I started to analayze the correct way of doing the frog style (ong ge dek ge dek).. haha.. Overall = tired but fun in the water!

But one thing for sure, since last night till now my head keep on replaying a song in my head -- Lagu Kita by Aizat (AF5). His voice was indeed alluring and charming (please dont look at his face -- no no, nothing wrong with his face but it just doesnt match with your imagination :P), the lyrics of this songs was indeed surperb. I learnt from the person who transfer me this song (illegally during office hour :P), Mr. Faeez Rezal that Aizat wrote this song when he was still unknown to the world and when he admire a girl. He wrote this song to her and then start singing it to the world when he got famous! Below are the lyrics and you can try to search for the song to download or you can just drop me a comment and I can send to you :) Hope you guys will like it as I do.. Ouch.. Have to back to office to take my notebook then to the bus stop --> going back Raub later :)

Deras hatiku berdetak
Di langit aku terlihat kamu
Terang malam teman kita
Dengan angin meniup sayu

Kupetik gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang kucipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Dan aku terus
Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu
Walau berjuta mendengar
Lagu ini hanya untukmu

Arah hidup kita
Tergambar bintang di angkasa
Berkelip melukis cinta
[ Lagu Kita lyric found on www.lirik.tv ]
Terciptalah lagu kita

Oh..oh..oh
Oh..oh..oooh

Melodi indah yang kucipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Dan aku terus
Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu
Walau berjuta mendengar
Lagu ini hanya untukmu

Arah hidup kita
Tergambar bintang di angkasa
Berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah lagu kita

Terciptalah lagu kita

Love,
Shin :)

Weird morning --> Tired evening!

2008-12-19T19:55:00.005+08:00

I came across this news about Government allocating fund to help unemployed undergraduates..

"RM70mil to retrain jobless grads"

This was the title of the news in TheStar Online. It got my attention and my brain started to function to the max! Hahaha..

Come to think of it, I'm an undergraduate too but I am lucky enough that I wasnt unemployed. I am happily working in a company which I enjoy very much, DHL Express. My boss, Surin always asked me, "So, any new jobs outside?" or "Eh, are you spying on any other jobs ka?"... Haha, these are the questions he would always asked me when he's too bored..

That day, he asked me about how my other friends are doing now after graduation -- working or not? Some of them are definately working and some of them are obviously having fun staying back at home (just that sometimes I couldnt understand what are they thinking).. Let me see...

Shin -- DHL Express
Dilla -- Rissk.com
Lydia -- Maybank
Yen -- CIMB
Zer Soon -- working but couldnt recall where
Xin Ling -- working
Sim -- working
Fiqah -- working
Foo -- not working yet
Mimi -- planning to further study
Mary -- not sure
Sarah -- not working
Syida -- working
Kam -- Internship
Anas -- not sure working or Internship
Mal -- Internship
Hasrul -- working
Hanapi -- working
Rozy -- working
Li Cui -- working

The others? I had no idea... We seldom keep in touch, only Dilla. She's like a close friend to me so we would hang out whenever we can. Lydia, we used to be, but now, we just seems so far away from each other. Maybe I might hang out with Mal somewhere in Jan 09 :P

This morning started in a weird way. I was walking from the LRT station to my office where suddenly this fellar seems like he's trying to catch up my pace. I do admit that I walk kinda fast but was is that fast? Ok, to cut it short, he interrupted me when I was in the middle of my iPod mood and introduced himself. He said that he's from Accenture and asked for my email. So, what the heck, I gave him my DHL email add of course. I do not want him to bug me in my private life so DHL email would do. After few hours, te first email from this guy came in. I still couldnt recall his name. I dont even bother to reply too coz in my head, I still think it's weird! Hahaha.. Then I told Faeez and Vincent about this over Skype and as expected -- Faeez will laugh like hell. This fellar really makes me pening and I wonder how he take care of his little kid at home! Hahaha... maybe because of his cartoonic characteristic that got the little boy entertained! Hopefully he wont grow up like his cartoonic dad! Hahaha... opppsss, sorry Faeez..

Ok, so today I went over to IT to investigate on some faulty couriers scanners issue and about Maxis GPRS and GSM network connection problem (The engineer from Maxis was cute -- Shakir :P). Fine fine... So, the first person I saw is C and Faeez assumed that I wont even look at C nor great him. "Apalah, so what if C is there in your department? Be professional la.. Aku ni terima gaji to be professional, kalau tak reputation spoiled!" I answered Faeez.. Hahaha... so, he was satisfied with my answer because I greeted C as usual and talk like usual, pretend nothing happened. Business is just business. Dont take it too personally :P

An hour before work finish, OMG... 2 reweigh machines in EKL (Jln Ipoh) and EPJ (Glenmarie) was down (means = rosak!).. the consequences = reweigh manually! "No choice guys, you have to deal with it for tonight and throughout the weekend coz the vendor will only be in on Monday to fix it! If I were the genius and knew how to fix it, maybe you guys could start your manisfesting sharp on time... but too bad, I dont know how to fix it :P" as I said to Yogan (EPJ supervisor) and he just sounded so down. So, we have a lousy vendor appointed by RO -- we couldnt do anything at the moment. Luckily, the vendor Andrew was kinda close to me coz I always deal with him through the phone (though we just met once in Menara TM). It's easy to talk to him. Perhaps, my soft skills are not bad eh :P I can easily communicate with people and I felt blessed! Haha

Time for dinner and novel... Take care ya all!

Love,
Shin

Better point your finger somewhere else!

2008-12-18T19:25:00.002+08:00

The lesson I learnt today is -- no matter how people try to act kind and summarize some shit email to you, you still have to read back from A to Z.. DONT EVER TRUST THAT LOUSY SUMMARY THAT YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHETHER IT"S CORRECT OR NOT!!!!

Ok, here's the story... This guy name C (censored k, haha) forward me a mail with his summary stating that there will be a downtime for the declaration system due to some data migration process to the server from the Putrajaya Customs... what the heck... ok.. He asked me to inform all my users -- who are the gateways managers and supervisors. From his email, his summarization was as below:

Date : 20 Dec 2008 (Saturday)
Time : 6.00am - 12.00pm

Ok, when you see the time, how are you going to calculate the period of hours of the downtime? Definately for a sane people and with enough IQ and EQ, I would say 6 hours only! Coz it's 6 o'clock in the morning (AM) till 12 o'clock in the afternoon (coz it's PM!)..

Then this 'smart Alleck' said "Ah Moi, you salah la! Bukan 6 hours! Sampai midnite la, 12 midnite!" I can tell you honestly from the moment I heard this and after all the shit I had sent out to everyone throughout DHL, my mouth just trying hard to say out a word "Kanasai!" to him. Darn it! You pandai pandai 'smart Alleck' summarized there till 12PM, and now you told me I pulak silap!

Ok, so the conclusion was, I ran back to my place from the IT department to National Ops and recall all those emails that had been sent out! Can you imagine how many people working in Ops and how long was the distribution list?? I can only manage to recalled back 71 emails that had been sent! I hate when things like this happened because it made me look stupid! Ok, I did look stupid for today and I learnt my lesson but I just couldnt stop myself to point out his error, HIS OWN MISTAKES!!

"I would prefer you to just forward me those emails next time without the need of you summarizing it as I DO NOT WANT TO BE LAZY OF READING EMAILS AGAIN. Thanks C!" -- This was what I wrote to him. Argh!!! And he caused me to be late for lunch and my blood pressure went high! Huh.. Luckily Faeez (the IT joker) and Vincent (the HP guy) cool me down.. Not forgetting Madam Vach too... If not I'm scared that I'll drag him to the toilet and flush his head down the toilet! Hahaha... Shin Khai is going insane already...

Ok Ok... What am I trying to say here is... Efficient and effective information transmission in crucial in an organization. You need to transmit the correct information in order for the next process to be smooth and without any backlog. The reason you summarized the thing is to make things easier and let the info go out to the users faster -- if you had already summarized it, no point for me to read all over again the emails from sender A to Z.. rite?

Secondly, never point finger to anyone when issues occur -- it's not a big issue, we can settle it just a snap, why you had to say out things that make everyone feel bad. Why when something wrong, IT must always say that it Ops who caused it? Eh, com'on.. Ops are your clients / customers / users -- IT serve them! You had to help them! Dont always blame them, but instead, please educate them. That's why us, the Operation Programs Team is here to liase with everyone, we want our guys on the floor to be as wise as any IT expert too (but of course their main expertise must be i shipment handling :P)... Dont kedekut ilmu and look down on them though you sit in the office in aircond where they are working in the warehouse.. They can be more successful than any of us if they wan!

Thirdly, this is the hardest one.... Dont trust any summary!!! Go through anything by yourself and make your own summary!! Hahahaha...

Ok, last but not least -- never be late for your lunch coz that's the time for you to wind up! :P
Have fun guys -- reading and cursing!

Love,
Shin

No No No... You shouldnt do that!

2008-12-16T20:02:00.002+08:00

Today, let me make a list of things which I found inappropriate to do in public :P

In The Public:

When in the LRT a.k.a train, you shouldnt lean against any places that other passangers might need to hold on to. What are you thinking? You think you own this train?! Go buy your own if you wanted to do so...
You shouldn't open your mouth big when yawning... unless if you produce rose or jasmine like breath! If not, please shut your mouth -- it stinks!!
When in the train, can please stop moving so much. Why? You make others uncomfortable by keep on banging them here and there.
You dont have to talk so loud when you are in the lift! Everyone can hear you already what you are gossiping about.. duh
Were you blind or you just dont understand the sign board? When using the escalator, please stand on the left hand side only! The right hand side is for people to cut through just in case when they are in a hurry. I just couldnt understand why you have to be such a not-intelligent and no-common sense kind of person... duh
Your gf or bf wont get lost if you just let go your hand a while when in the train. Stop grabbing her butts too, if you insist to, please do it secretly without us nitocing your fat hand doing so. I once saw this girl was sitting and hugging her bf's leg while he was standing, and I was thinking, was she sick? Haih...
Stand up already when you see a pregnant lady in the train. I cant believe your heart is cold enough to ler her stand for 9 stops. Wait till yourself got pregnant next time then you'll know the pain!
Stop talking shit in the public! Vulgar words are just so toxic when you started to say it happily in the public. The ears are burning ya know! Where's the manners that you learnt before or, did you learnt any??

Oh... I'm tired of all these already and my head is spinning when thinking of all these silly human being.. haha... I am just so cruel tonight! Haha... C ya guys later... be back in a flash (I'll go have my dinner :P)

Hungry,
Shin :P

Sluggish + Annoyed Day = Tired! :P

2008-12-15T20:32:00.004+08:00

Feeling a bit sluggish today, maybe because I had my lunch late and was rushing to Kinokuniya for my Twilight novel.

Was a bit disappointed at first when the girl handed me the book -- it was not the cover I wanted. The one I wanted is with the hand holding a red apple, not this movie characters cover. However, as soon as I saw Edward Cullen's face (Robert Pattinson), "Oh well, nevermind, the face worth my 48 bucks!" :)

It has been a long time since my last novel, maybe 2 years ago and what a pity... I should have enjoy my readings as a teenager with all the bewildered imaginations... haha.. I guess it's never to late to start now. I had already started reading Twilight where the Preface was really something I love. The words and the expressions the author is trying tell was nicely put down with words. My heart beats increase as I read on...

So much of a fantasy and let's come back to reality...

Was annoyed and frustrated with some people in the company today. Who they think we are? Some people that work to get your POs for you? Why can't you just get them from the vendors yourself. I have better things to do than all these nonsense. What to do, they rely on us too much.. haha.. Then there were this few annoying emails sent by few person which I wish to knock on their head now!

I recalled something that Yen asked me the other day when I told her that I am going to watch Bolt alone. "Are you crazy? If I were to watch movie or to go anywhere (shopping) alone, I rather stay back at home. I felt embarrassed!" This was what she said. For me, com'on.. What the heck! You dont live for others, you live for yourself! If you are not going to enjoy yourself even when you are by yourself, then how are you going to survive when something happened and you need to face it alone? You hide or you just run away?

I felt 100% comfortable walking alone -- doing window shopping, watching movie, going to the Aquaria or even dining in Chili's or Nando's alone. So what? The differences between being alone and being accompanied by someone is just -- voices. You'll get someone to talk to and laugh with when you're not alone strolling along the road, but dont you realized that sometimes you get a piece of mind when you be alone by yourself?

I love being around with people that know how to have fun and being crazy (of course there are limitations) and I cant denied that sometimes, I am extremely loving to be alone -- where I'll have a piece of mind and relax my soul. What is so embarrasing when you are loving the independence you have? :) For me, it was superb.

Independence here means:

There is no limitations to your ability
You are strong
The courage within you to face the world and challenges are great
You are learning more than imitating others
You make your own life decision -- no one should stop you from anything good
And most of all... it means you love yourself more now...

"Do not under estimate yourself coz everyone has boundless potential" -- this was something i grabbed from Sean's caption in MSN. I feel good reading it...

Prayer for today:
'Hope I will get a peaceful day tomorrow and a sweet dreams with my vampire Edward :P'

Love,
Shin

My new Prince -- Robert Pattinson a.k.a Edward Cullen --> Review!

2008-12-14T21:49:00.003+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, here are some good review on my new found Prince -- the Mr. Vampire, Edward Cullen

Yamuna Sharmini Manikam, Perak

MY first vampire was Lestat. I was 12 and screaming when I heard Tom Cruise AND Brad Pitt AND Christian Slater were going to be in the same movie. Of course, Interview with the Vampire was subsequently banned in Malaysia, so I had to wait five years (FIVE!) until I finally saw the movie on DVD. The beauty of Louis and Lestat unfolded on the screen and I was forever hooked onto vampirism … or more specifically, on cute guys who play vampires.

During my teenage years, I never missed a single episode of Angel. It was not because Angel was such a sexy, hunk of a vampire, but because the show itself was so witty.

My favourite character was not even the resident vampire, it was the demon hunter Wesley (got a thing for nerds too, but that’s a different story!). I also pursued my vampires in written words. Anne Rice became a staple in my library as did Bram Stoker. I think of myself as a (ahem!) serious reader; I would never read the hormonally-charged young adult books. All that changed around Christmas last year when I came across a book at my local bookstore.

Vampire. Gorgeous. Teenage. Love.

The book was called Twilight and the rest was history.

So my favourite vampires are Angel and Edward Cullen.

Angel has the wittiest lines in the show and, yeah, he looks absolutely yummy in his black leather trench coat. He was the classic bad boy, evil to the T, until he was cursed and had his soul restored to him. He is kind of like a working-class vampire, in the sense that he has to work hard to attain happiness.

As a healthy, hormone-driven 21st century female, I have to admit that Edward is not exactly my favourite vampire in Twilight (I prefer Jasper Hale, actually).

But the casting of Robert Pattinson, made Edward one of my favourites.

If Angel is the working-class vampire then Edward is definitely the prince of all literary vampires. Think of a supernatural version of Prince William, whom every girl wants to be with.

I think it should be obvious that I actually prefer Edward to Angel, but that is just because Robert Pattinson is so beautiful (the only word I can think of that does any justice to the guy!). Vampires are the supernatural bad boys every girl dreams of being with and eventually domesticating … though how much fun would it be after you have taken the edge off them?! So, let me have my vampires with all their flaws and bite intact, thank you very much.

Bite me, Ed

MY friends think I’m obsessed; my family thinks I’m out of my mind. Why? Because my thoughts have been revolving around the one and only Edward Cullen. If I were to meet Edward, I would willingly enter vampirehood in a heartbeat. So what if he is dead?

Edward Cullen is the hottest man(pire) in town. No other vampire can beat that. (In this century or the next!) What is it about Edward that makes my blood race? He is awesomely good looking; is a “vegetarian”; has good taste in music; owns pretty amazing cars. And he can read minds. Aish … definitely a man of every female dream. Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise? NO WAY!!! They are so last century!

begumbest, Taiping, Perak

So, please wait for the sequel 'New Moon'... Cant wait to see Robert plays Edward on screen again! :P

Sold Out!!?? Are you kidding me!?!

2008-12-14T17:14:00.002+08:00

I went to the Kinokuniya bookstore to look for the Twlight novel by Stephanie Meyer, but guess it's just not my luck... all of it had been sold out and they need to re-order the book. I felt so frustrated of not getting my hands on any of those novels -- darn it!

I watched Bolt earlier before I went to the bookstore. The story was great! I went alone and the seat I book was indeed great as I got the best seat to view the screen. I had fun watching the animation and hehehe... I cried at the end of the story coz it was so touching.

It was hard for Bolt to accept the reality that he wasnt any Superdog as he thought he always was -- no superpower such as the super strength and SUPER BARK! Hahaha... There's this cat character in the story too, her name is Merlin and I like this character very much. She was a straycat and the funniest part was that she made all these stupid pegions to work for her by getting food (daily) for her.. hahaha... And I dont quite like the hamster character, erm... what was his name... Rhino or Hippo? erm... dont bother..

As usual, today KLCC is still jam pack with human!! But today I saw the Santa Claus! Too bad I didnt bring my camera with me and no friend were around to help me take a photo with Mr.Santa... :)

Merry Christmas ya' all. I'll be uploading my pics of yesterdat outing with friends soon :P

Love,
Shin

Twilight... I love it soooo much!

2008-12-13T22:59:00.003+08:00

My heart still gets the shiver everythime when I recall the scenes from the movie, 'Twilight'... It's a feeling that's very special and yet unreal to one's life... but I wouldnt mind to be that girl in the movie to have exactly the life she had in the story...

I still remember that the last time I had the same feeling of watching a movie, was when I watched Cruel Intentions on HBO.

Of course, both the story was different as Cruel Intentions ended in a tragic way where Ryan Phillipe died hit by a car when trying to say Resse Whiterspoon, as for Twilight, the ending seems unclear -- what happened to them next?

But I indeed fell in love with both the actor of this 2 movies -- Ryan in Cruel Intentions and Robert Pattinson in Twilight. Although Robert looks scary with his fair complexion, but he's hot and very masculin. Guess all the westerners are from the same traits -- tall, deep eyes, nice lips :P and with a broad shoulders...

Like all the vampires in the Twilight series, Edward is described by Bella as being impossibly beautiful. At various points in the series, she compares him to the mythical Greek god Adonis. His skin is "like marble"—very pale, ice cold, and sparkles in the sunlight. She describes his facial features as being perfect and angular—high cheekbones, strong jawline, a straight nose, and full lips. His hair, which is always messy, retains the unusual bronze shade that he inherited in his human life from his biological mother. His eyes, once green, are now described as a gold. His appearance changes if he goes long without feeding: his eyes darken, becoming almost black, and purple bruises appear beneath his eyes. Edward is 6'2", and has a slender but muscular body.

Ouch, how i wish my future boyfriend or partner would be like this :P Hahaha, Shin Khai -- DREAM ON!!

I love the part where Edward (Robert) will watch Bella sleeps everynight and especially when they dance at the prom, where Edward carries Bella up and step onto his feet so se can dance... So sweet and romantic... :)

Shin needs to start dreaming now... :P

Nite all!

Part 2: Forgive and Forget

2008-12-12T21:41:00.003+08:00

What would you feel when you are forgiven from something that you should have do it better? For me, I would indeed felt relieve and yet guilty at the same time. In the sense that, I knew I can do better but I did not do it.

What would you feel when you are forgotten? OMG, I would fell like I'm at the end of the world! Imagine my mom forgetting about me, I would be crying like crazy now. Imagine someone you care and love forgets you, will your heart feel good or happy about it? I dont think so... As for me, it's always hard for me to forget about someone or something that had been in my life earlier.

Let's take Mun Kok as an example... Why on the day that I received the news that he had passed away I would freak out and actually started to cry? When I really sit down and think over it, there are few reasons behind it:

It's shocking that the way he died actually frightens me
He was the first guy I ever had a crush on when I was 13 :P
He was very charming and cute since the day I met him till now --> he's a Taekwando black belt at the age of 16 ya know and a very good badminton player
He... He is just simply Mun Kok...

With all these things that had crossed my life before, how do you think I am going to forget about him? No, it's not easy and I think I will not forget till the day I die especially after they way he died...

This place (a notebook + cyberspace) sort of like giving me a soothe in the heart to spell out what I am most afraid of... I do not have family members to talk to, and I do not have much friends who would willingly listen to me -- which is what makes this place the best for me to talk to my ownself.

Anum, who is one of my coleagues told me the other day during a breakfast session that she had broken up with her many years fiance... she lookspale and down for a while but she had been a very happy and crazy girl we know of. I can see that she is a very strong person within and struggling to live alone again after all the years... She then asked me about my experiences. I said "Anum, I do not have experiences but I only have experience..." and then smiled and look away. I guess she understand what I meant and how I felt too. She then said "Nevermind, guys are like that!"... It was weird of what I said to her afterwards, I said "I guess like is a non stop rollercoaster to us. At times we will be at the top and then we will go down to the bottom in our life. I had been there (at the top) and I had seen how beautiful the sunrise or the stars shine, but I can never forget that it is at the bottom of the ride that makes me learn the most -- about myself, himself as well as people around me"...

Mom told me this morning that I was actually talking in my sleep (or should I say in my dream? :P).. I asked her what I said. She told me this is not the first time, it had happened few times already when I went back to Raub and share the same room as her. I insist to know what she heard, and she said that last night, I was actually calling my dad and crying. I was stunned to know this and I just kept quiet. The rain outside is getting heavier... I then ask her what else did I said (from previous nights weeks or months ago?)... She said she couldnt recall but she remember it was like just started 2 or 3 months ago where I often cried in my sleep and saying something like 'dont go'.... Weird as I heard from mom but I have to admit that, I did know that I cried in my sleep few times -- I thought I was just too tired.

I guess I had been trying very hard to forget what I dont like and what I am not happy with that had happened in my life before. As I had said earlier, it's not easy and sometimes, impossible to forget, even the very little thing that ever happened to you... When I say to forget, it doesnt means that I hate them, it just that, I had learnt from those experiences and ok, green light, lets forget about it and create some extra spaces for happy ones :)... Mom said, anything just share with her. Not that I dont want to but I dont want her to be worried of me and start getting sleepless nights after sharing my problems and things that happened to me with her.

It's hard for me to forget the time when you watched your dad actually took the motorcycle helmet and knocked it onto your mom's head. It's hard for me to forget when you saw that your mom had been physically and mentally abused to some extend that you felt you are so useless of not be able to help her. It's hard for me to forget that no cousins who wanted to play with you just because their parents said that your mom is from a poor family background and dont mix with people as such. It's hard for me to forget all those cracks between siblings that sometimes I envy so much of other family where I wish I was in theirs... sometimes. It's hard to forget the only one time you love a man so much and you loose him just before you realized you can no longer keep the relationship alive.

Whatever it is...

It's even harder for me to forget all those happy moments I had spent with my dad and my family together when I was small -- we went to vacations and dinner gatherings. It's even harder for me to forget all those happy moments I had with the man I love which I had learnt so much about the value of myself -- being love and pampered. It's even harder to forget those moments that you sister once holding your hand when you were small and both of you are taking bus to travel around -- which everything changed so much now.

It is the hardest to forget how all these ups and downs, sorrows and happiness, tears and laughter -- had mould myself into now...

Cant believe I would actually cried writting the last part of that (above).. :P

Conclusion, who said it's forgive and forget? Forgive is always easier than forget but... you will never forget about all those that you had forgiven in your life, it's impossible...

Let's have a life everyone. Stop bugging else's life and have one on your own. I love to write as I used to be. I love to smile as I always be. I love to sleep coz it's my hobby. :P

Tomorrow I'll be heading to the cinema for a movie -- 'Twilight'... I remember there's a time, how I wish he would take me to a movie... :)
I'll be watching this with some friends and Ric@JoJo and Amanda said it's a very romantic movie. Hope I would enjoy the romances in the movie. On Sunday, I'll go watch 'Boltz' alone. Feel like being alone and doing things alone sometimes :)

I'm hungry now... Have to cook my own meal... Miss mom so much now, hope she'll have a safe journey to Taiwan and will have a great time there! Muacks... I love ya, mom! :)

Love,
Shin

Forgive and Forget = Easy and Hard :)

2008-12-08T23:45:00.003+08:00

Thought as the time passes by, everything will heal. Guess this is indeed true. I do not have the hard feelings on who's right or wrong anymore -- guess the forgive part had succeeded... but it's just so hard to forget..

Forgetting here is not about leaving all memories behind, it's more like leaving all the heartaches and bad experiences you had behind. I just realized that I am still at the state of trying to forget -- the hard way! Why I said so is because that I realized the fear develope within me towards certain aspects of life is due to the failure in the relationship. This fear and worries were very much affected on how hard am I going to try to let go and look around me.

Past experiences from my own parents' relationship too had changed my view on it that's why I truly believed in understanding, compromising and the value of giving and taking between two person in a relationship -- I was doing that till it failed. When it failed, it sort of like telling me that, no matter how hard you try, in the end, if the efforts are acknowledge in a way that makes you happy and makes your partner felt blessed, I guess then it would fail in the end..

Had tried to do what I saw lacking in my parents' relationship during my 2 and a half year romance with him, but still the results were bad. Guess he wasnt the person who would understand the way I wish it would be a one off relationship which I watched in the movie "Enchanted" -- Happily Ever After! :P

Sometimes, us girls are too into fairy tales but I had been always the logical one -- one who could differentiate between reality and fantasy. Happily Ever After for me takes a lot of effort from both. Understanding between two person needs time to be develop through effective and correct way of communication. Having fun all the time means making each other comfortable with each other is another ingredients in a successful romance. Give and take is another main point where both will learn how to compromise our needs sometimes to fulfill his / her partner's needs - no 2 individuals are having the same interests and needs all the time coz we are different, everyone is unique! I guess these are the fundamentals in achieving the fairy tale ending. :)

It's never easy...

Everyone is talking about Twilight (the movie) and I guess I'll have to pay the cinema a visit this weekend :P

May we all forgive and forget in a way that soothes our heart :)

Love,
Shin

p/s: Thanks Foo for listening to me about all this :)

Investment = money + money fertiliser! :P --> Money Growth!

2008-12-08T16:05:00.005+08:00

The sky just dont seem to stop raining, I think it had been raining for almost 3 to 4 days now. Weather was cold and it caused my cough to become worse. But no matter how bad it was, mum's cooking and soup were indeed healing for me! :P

I dropped by at KL Sentral's Starbucks just now to get a cup of my fav Vanilla Latte before I headed home (simply cant resist Starbucks and I just love it!) and I bumped into someone, a senior back in Uni. His name is Jay (if I'm not mistaken :P) and we chit chated for a while till he asked about Ricky. Without any delay and very spontaneously I answered him, "I dont know, we already clashed (broke up in terms of Malaysian's English :P)"... He then asked me why and what happened but I just told him I dont bother and it's life anyway (Dont want to comment much on this issue anymore or else one day, he will say that I am trying to tell the world that he's the bad guy :P).. Okay, so this Jay guy had my number and he still keep it and guess we'll meet up next weekend, maybe together with some other friends too. I still can recall that he was this most good looking Indian guy in campus where all girls (no matter it's Chinese, Malay, Indian or Others) will have a crush on him :P... OOppppsss! I'm not, I'm the exception but I do think he's good looking -- like those Hindi movie stars... Hahahwakakakak!

He's working as an insurance agent now if I heard him correctly. Talking about insurance, I just got myself a policy yesterday morning (at last!)... through my mom's insurance agent (Prudential) and I had to pay RM250.00 every month for the policy. There goes my pocket money = have to cut down in shopping for clothes, have to cut down in buying books from Kinokuniya, have to cut down in everything... Guess it wont harm to pamper myself once in a while --> buying clothes!! Haha..

Insurance is one method for us to invest our money rather than just keep in the normal saving account or FD. Lately I had been thinking and looking out for ways to do investment. I cant just work and save my monthly income just like that -- it wont grow! I need to seek out some solutions slowly (no rushing) and I will become an investor! Hahaha..

Ok, I'll have to rest and keep my mind fresh for now to analyze all the investment methods taht had in store for me :P

Love and hope you will grow your money soon too!
Shin :P

p/s: Before I go, please spend a little time to visit this url:
http://www.furryfriendsfarm2006.bloglogspot.com

Com'on... Step a side already

2008-12-04T20:36:00.004+08:00

Com'on.. Cool down and talk to me nicely ok? Listen to what I wanted to say first, dont always stop me. I am controlling my patience and don't you try to make me burst!

Hahaha, the above was what I had in mine when I was dealing with Salina this evening. Was trying to do my work but I just dont like how the team works sometimes. Surin will ask me to do this and at the same time, Salina might be craking her head ding the same thing too. So, what's the point of doing double work? I just hope everyone's work is just as clear as water to each other. I hope you understand what I mean here. :)

Basically I have to take over everything regarding applications from Salina, hopefully by Feb 2009. But I as what I was saying, if the person dont let go and let me do it (of course you have to be the couch), how successful the transition going to be? I want to be a good one in handling it, so please dont try to block my way or else I'll be very aggresive! Mark my words!

I need to take my shower and sleep already or else I will become a vampire tomorrow! Hahaha..

Love ya all,
Shin :P

Wild thoughts...

2008-12-03T19:12:00.005+08:00

I had a very crazy and wild thought today.

"Akak, today I felt weird la. Was thinking about something" I skype Dilla this afternoon.
"What's that?" Dilla asked.
"I felt like I would be happier and enjoy living in a single life more" I told her.
":), hahaha good then" this was her last reply on this matter.

When come to think of it, I am admitting now that, I had started to have fear on relationship as well as commitment. I'm so scared it will failed again. Even scarier, I am scared that I wouldn't give my 100% in the relationship and started to take things for granted. I'm afraid I would started to become the one who take more than to give.

Should I said that I am having a slight fear on commitment? I no longer like the lovey-dovey feelings I once adore of. Not that I dislike them entire now, but perhaps, I'm not into it at this moment? It's more like I am learning to be the independent Shin Khai again after few years of struggle in something without a future. I wasted too much time on it that I didn't manage to do so many things when I can. I don't wish something to tied me down and hold me back from doing things that I wanted to do, again. I don't like being in this situation. I wanted to be someone who is happy, cheerful and independent.

I am no longer envy couples that displaying their "PDA" a.k.a Public Display Affection in front of me. Just let them be, they are happy and I am happy to be alone at this moment.

I used to tell or joke with mom, "What's the big deal if I never got married in the end? I dont think I will cry about it. As long as I love myself and I can make myself happy, I guess I dont need anyone to make me happy." Mom just keep silent. I know what she's thinking. She would love someone to take care of me too in the future, someone who is loving and care. I myself too would love that if it can be a reality, but why must we be so dependent on that? Dilla once said that, "In the end, you might feel lonely and when you need someone to be around you, you will understand what I'm telling you now." Guess I had just got used to being lonely with myself if you know how my siblings are and how was my family relationship's condition is.

I enjoy mingle with people and knowing someone new, but I am not afraid to be alone with my own too. Perhaps some would say that it's weird but what else could I say? Guess everyone is weird in their own way and I am in this way :)

Suddenly, I think of my dad. I was thinking, if my dad is still around with us till today and never actually left for a new family, I wouldnt be this lonely and my thoughts might be different too. Just maybe... maybe...

Ok, it's time to take my medicine and go to bed... :)

May God bless you all!

Love,
Shin :)

Privileges -- Good or Bad?

2008-12-02T21:56:00.003+08:00

Saw a post in my lecturer, Sir Yuz's blog... so far, this is the only one that capture my attention to start writing something about it.

"Entrepreneurship 101"

Below are only my point of view - no special remark on whoever coz I have amazing people around me who had make a miracle out of this unnecessary 'privileges' the government had given and I am very proud of them!

Since I was small, I didn't know why there are so many unfairness between people in this country. When I was back in primary and high school, I would always ask myself, why must there exist a quota for everything that we are going to do -- to get a place in a school, to get a place in the top class, to get a place in a university and last but not least, to get a placement in a government company (or should I say - working with the government)... I used to ask myself, are we truly a citizen of this country? If yes, why are we been treated so unfairly?

Privileges are given to the race which they said to be the land owner of this country. But, does it really helps them? From Sir Yuz prespective, I assumed that he would be looking only on one small sector of the issue. Whereby what I am trying to say here would be involving a relatively larger sector of our life. It might be a terrible sensetive issue to talk about here.

Honestly, if you ask me -- by withdrawing the above mentioned privileges, will they still be able to survive? --> My answer would be -- it depends!

Only those who have a strong determination and have a strong will to survive will survive. Only those who are brave will survive. Only those who are not afraid to try and fail will survive. I believe they can be at the top of the world if they wanted to -- without any help from anyone.

What difference between us all? None!

Privileges are meant only for the uncertain. Privileges doesn't makes us prouder instead it made you sink and never rise to the level that those without the so called privileges are now.

Privileges only make sense to me when you really created a wow! thing out of it. If you just gonna do something plain and safe with something that had been provided to you, I guess it would be better for you to just shut-up and dont make a big fuss about that 'special' privileges given to you.

I would really love to see that our country would come to a day when this so called privileges is no longer exist and our citizens are completely ready to compete healthily for a better nation. Privileges will only be a hindrance for us to forget about the joy of competing as well as the sweet taste of success!

Entrepreneurs should be the brave one.. they are the mastermind behind all those giant corporation we see today! Do they started their journey with this privileges? NO, they were given nothing to start off with, just a pair of hands and legs with a brilliant mind and motivation!

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." -- Winston Churchill

Be brave,
Shin

Be prepared...

2008-12-02T20:10:00.003+08:00

I went down to the swimming pool a while ago. I don't know how to swim but I just love the water. I jumped into the pool, walk around it (of course by holding the the side of the pool) and started to practice my breathing by submerging into the water. Cool! I manage to do it so effortlessly now. Yay! But still, I wonder when can I be able to swim like the others... Envy them though.. :)

R said something to me a week ago and it still lingers around my mind.. till today I brought it up again during our conversation (chatting) in the evening. I had asked him, "What do you mean by being prepared?" As usual, he would start thinking the best words to be used to explain to me so that I would understand clearly. I admit that when the first time he said that to me, I had accepted it wholly without thinking over about what he actually said. When it started to keep pooping up in my head that I started to think...

Honestly, I do not like failure (no one likes or wants it) especially when it comes to something that is important to me. Example? Career of course, and especially Relationship.
When R said that we will be prepared once we venture into a new chapter -- I would start thinking, can we actually be prepared for it?

Perhaps, yes... For me, be prepared in a relationship would means that we have to realize all the differences between us -- personality, interest, religion, race, or even nationality. Very often, these factors had caused a lot of couple to break up, and yes, I had been through it that is why i said so. Things might seems nice and achievable at the beginning, but when you are already in the middle of the journey, our faith, trust and courage will be put to the test. Be prepared too for me would means that we have to realize all the possibility of obstacles that we might be facing in the future when we are walking down the road together... ... ...

Suddenly, something hits me on my thoughts. Friends around me always said this to me (regarding my view on romance -- of course after the first and last relationship failure) --- "You will never know what is right for you till you give it a try"... Perhaps they are right, why am I so worried? If he's a nice man and will treat me nicer, love and appreciate me better, why not give a chance for him to love me and as well give myself a chance to show him my love and care?

"Giving is always better than taking.."

Ouch, I guess I had finally understand what's going on now.

"You cant always measure the present with the past. The past is bad and had rotten, throw it away. The present is still fresh and why not try to preserve it?"

I felt much relieved now...

Love,
Shin :)

"Monday Blues" for the first time...

2008-12-01T19:26:00.002+08:00

As soon as I opened my eyes this morning, I knew I will be having the worst illness ever (for a working adult) --> The Popular "Monday Blues". I woke up with a terrible sore throat, a headache and a tired body. I was then thinking, "Can I call Surin now and tell him that I am feeling sick and will be at work only in the afternoon?"... Nah, I tell myself that I can handle it :)

When I arrived at the Kerinchi station, I saw a familiar face at the Mamak Shop nearby. I wasn't wearing my glasses that time but his face was kind of easy to be recognized. Let's just call him Mr.M. I smiled and I was glad that at least he had the courage to lift up his hand and waved to me. I still wasnt comfortable seeing him due to what happened earlier... No, no... dont get me wrong, nothing big happened to us, no fight nor quarell -- it was just confession. He is a very nice guy but I have to tell myself that, there is just no chemistry that I can feel between me and Mr.M. When he confessed to me that he like me, I just broke up with my 2 and a half years romance. I guess the time has finally come to set myself free...

It was never an easy relationship. Both are 2 very different person trying to get along with each other. Things I love to do, he dont have much interest in them or he just dont like me doing it. Things he are good at, I found that I will never live up to his standards -- especially in singing. But overall, one of my lecturer @ friend, Mary said to me when I was chatting to her was... it's amazing that both of us (me and my ex) can be attached together for such a long time and the question in Mary's head was that, "How long could he try to control me?"... I was smiling when she said this to me and we all finally realize that in the end, force cant be used on me, it had to be mutual understanding and trust. Guess the relationship doesnt work out is not because of whoever's fault it was, it was just something about "individual's expectation" and "restriction". Mutual understanding wasnt not working both ways, compromisation was not understood, giving and taking wasnt balance and in the end, and out of all these, one just lose faith in another :)

It can be a very good experience by looking it at a positive point of view, but of coure, you need to realized where's the 'error' was so that next time you wont be making the same error again. I had learnt mine, hope he does :)

Few weeks ago, at last I told myself that, I am at last gain the freedom from within my soul to actually do and achieve whatever I wanted to achieve. I picked up swimming classes now to upgrade myself, I started learning how to knit for those I love, and I started to pick up new languages to spice up my life a bit with people around me, easpecially those from other countries -- "Magandang Gabi! Ako ay si Shin!".. hahahaha... This is all I knew... :P

Ouch, I started to cough already. Hope it wont get worse or else I'll be lloking like a vampire! Hahaha...

Have a nice day everyone!

Love,
Shin :)

Lost my Mind! :P

2008-11-30T21:01:00.008+08:00

I was sitting at Starbucks earlier this afternoon, with my iPod still on, some books I bought from Kinokuniya and with a Grande Vanilla Iced Tea from the outlet. I have to admit here that I did a lot of silly stuffs today around all the places I had been to -- I was dancing at the LRT station while waiting for the train (of course with my iPod on!), I was singing in the train and people started to look at me :P (Hey, come on.. I'll be the next Malaysian Idol k, who knows!), I was hugging a big brown Christmas teddy bear (Ouch, RM 560!!) that I love around the Parkson store and then put it back at the shelve when I was leaving -- haha, I guess the sales attendant was so annoyed by me :P Then I went to have lunch at KFC, where I mixed my cheesy wedges with the whipped potatoes and chili sauce then ate it, and then I decorated the chicken bones into a Christmas tree shape! Guess there was really something wrong with me today :P

Okay, when I was in KL Sentral Starbucks, I started to spy around looking for something that I can make an issue with -- sort of like making fun to make myself laugh and smile :), however suddenly when this song started to play in my iPod, "Same Side Of The Moon" by Corrinne May, my mind was still and I was actually quiet down and started to listen to it...

""
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

I picture you across the ocean
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
""

This is a song that Ricardo a.k.a Ric had sent to me earlier. I guess it was one of his fav songs and guess what, it had become one of my fav too :)

The song makes me think and feel in a way that I couldnt describe it with words. I just enjoy listening to it and started to sing it as well. OMG, I lost my words already... Guess I'll continue writing later -- after I finish listening to it! :P

May you guys always be happy and smile throughout the day! :)
God bless! :)

Love,
Shin :P