Stupid siblings..

I had tried hard to be strong and not to cry anymore since the last time I did -- somewhere in early February... I had tried be courageous for mom and I had tried hard to stay strong for myself.. but this evening, I had failed to do so.. I cried..

Sometimes, my thoughts and faith go hay-wire dealing with these people who are better known as my siblings. I really dont know why they just love to make me life sucks and complicated... here goes the story...

Last 2 weeks, I took leave just to be prepared to send mom for a health screen and then drive her back to Raub -- which I had planned to go to LHDN and then go take my IC. Suddenly, she told me, she dont want to come to KL -- health screen CANCELED!

Last Sunday, she called again and asked me to take leave on Friday to accompany her for body checkup -- I told her I cant promise as this week I would be very busy and I just taken leave 2 weeks ago, so I need to check with my boss first, she said OK. The fact was, my boss went on leave for Thursday and Friday, Salina will be based in Subang gateway, Vachala will be on leave on Friday and I will be the only one left in the office for the team.. It's not possible for me to take leave on Friday as I had few testings to attend to, con-calls with regional office, audit reports follow up, meeting with scanners vendor and etc... I am really turning myself upside down this week as I need to travel to Subang Airport and Glenmarie, Shah Alam quite frequent too this week -- tomorrow will be going off to Subang Gateway.

The funniest part was when my phone beeps and it was a sms from my sister -- asking me to take leave on Friday as she is very tied up with her work and assuming that I can get off from my work and send mom for the body checkup. She had decided on everything -- booking on the hospital, the doctor, the schedule without even discussing with me whether I can make it that day or time or not. When I replied her that I cant make it and can we change the time, she got upset and then replied me saying that she can settle it by her own and do not need me anymore.

What does she means by do not need me? That is my mother! I care for her as much as anyone did. If she said it that way, it means that she only needed my help to make her profile as a good daughter who is going to pay for all the checkup expenses good. I am only a slave in doing so?

Brother is not working, why dont you asked him to send mom? Why must you force me to take leave when I am not manage to take any leave? Why cant brother sacrifice of not going home Raub just to send mom? Why cant you force him? Why must you force me? Why must all of you bully me and put the fault on me? Why cant you ask bro-in-law to send mom? She's his mom too! Why am I have to be the main bull-eye for you to throw the darts on? Why you have to always treat me this way?

Sometimes, I just dont understand where are the values between us siblings... When did they ever use the word 'please', 'thank you', 'hello' or 'take care' to me? Never... sometimes I am really sick living with such people who do not know how to respect their own sister.

Sick... sick... darn sick...

Madness after all the madness...

It's kinda funny of having such feelings after such a long time... jealousy? No, i dont think so... Hatered? A lil bit I guess.. Unfairness? Erm, maybe..

I was thinking a while ago about the past 3 years.. Not a single photo of me as his gf were posted anywhere online. When asked why dont you create a friendster account (In hope that he'll share our photos together on the web), he will always telling me that it's a waste of time and it's childish. Surprisingly after we broke up, he got sign up with friendster and facebook.. miracle did happens I guess :P .... even better, almost everytime I log in to my FB, I'll get notified on all the photos he's uploaded -- with all his 'sisters' faces in it. Then the silly me started to think (that's why I said that a lil hatered + unsatisfactory) that, I was just nothing to him all along by comparing to those around him now.. my photos were never shared (the happy photos) by him before which made me feeling neglected now (I mean neglected before but realizing it now)...

Kenneth asked do I wanted to share with him my moodiness that I am having now... I was thinking, it's my silliness and I will handle it by myself, I do not ned to bug anyone for my own problem anymore as I scared that I'll scared everyone away with all my problems sharing.. haha :) Thanks Ken anyway.. :)

Next weekend, we will go climbing again. Hopefully this time he wont ask me to belay him -- he's heavy la.. 65kg and I'm only 49kg :P ... But as usual, he will belay me and maybe Ker Soon will be there too this time and man, he's even heavier! 80kg... so, all the belaying work I'll leave it to Mr.Kenneth :P

His dad asked him about me yesterday (he told me through sms) and of course both of us were stunned for a while when knowing this. I just met his dad coincidently in Seremban over a hiking trip and now I was actually shy when the dad was asking about me, why I didnt go to Seremban anymore... It made me think, my previous relationship, the parents dont even know my existence after few years dating with his son... what a shame on me :S

Oh ok fine... it started to rain again... nice to sleep... but I need to work on my projects planning before I go to work tomorrow :)

Sayonara everyone and wish me luck... I hope I will still be sane ater all this madness in my life :)

Love,
Shin :P