What a week.. :S

This week is truly a challenging one for me...
Since Monday till today morning, nothing seems to be right -- so I keep thinking, did I not tell myself to be relax and be happy always lately? Have I forgotten how to be happy for a moment? Haih...

When you were giving a responsibility to manage a project -- I would assume that you make all the decision and they will become your mentor... correct? That is what called Project Management. What happened was -- you crack your head analyzing from all angle and make a decision and communicated to everyone and agreed upon. Suddenly this manager step in out of no where (he already agreed earlier) and counter the decision you made -- telling everyone that the outcome should come out by this time instead of the dateline that you have set.. Oh my, I was so pissed off at the moment, frustrated and disappointed at the same time over him.

Given the costing paperwork to 2 managers to check if my write up and every details was correct -- since it is my first time to do this costing. Both of them checked and when I submitted the paperwork to Finance, one of the manager wrote back and told me that there's a mistake in the write up. Oh really? So I ran up to the 28th floor get back the paperwork and amended it. Pheww... then I resubmitted again. After a while, the other manager said to me, there's a mistake again. I ran up and get back the paperwork again and amended it again. This time I kindly requested her to help me check through if there's anything else we overlook. The manager said, everything looks fine. So I walked back up again and resubmitted to Finance again.
What a joke! The next morning, the first manager wrote to me again saying that there's a mistake again! What the hell are you guys trying to do to me? I have to run up and down for it and luckily the Finance manager was around. Guys, dont you know that this will make me look bad? Unorganized? Not careful in preparing my costing? How would I suppose to know how to calculate TIR that is why I learned, did it and let you guys to check and you guys keep on saying nothing wrong then amend something then nothing wrong and amend something with it again. I can go nuts!

These managers who I need their approval on the paperwork will go on leave anytime this month -- to clear up their leaves. So I get this manager to do us a favor, you review and sign then put on your table since you are travelling next week onwards. He called this morning and asked me "You dont know how to do it in one page ka? No one teach you?" What the... If I knew and if there's anyone telling me that it has to be on a one pager thing -- what the heck should i go and do in 2 pages instead? If my write up was so long and a lot to justify the costing -- if I shrink it into a page, it would be too small for review, it would look brainless and unprofessional, why do I wanted to do that?
Sometimes I would say these people do not know how to talk properly or use their words properly with people they are working with. Human management failed though you are said to be a manager.

It is important to know different people have to be approached differently. Was so hard to be understood?

Somehow I dont care anymore how you manage your people but please just dont pick on me and start bullying me. I had done more at work compare to any of your so called permenant staffs but still I am in the position I am.

What a week.. everything doesnt seems right. Work, relationship and family.. darn, what have go wrong? I cant even sleep well the whole week and cried few times.. OMG...

Hate all this but what to do, it's life :S

Wish next week will be better.. :S

Love,
Shin

It's coming! It's coming! :)

Am so happy when I got the email notification from the company that they are shipping my christmas gift for someone will be arriving soon to KL.

Cant wait to get it and give it to him... Really do hope he'll like it :)

He's been away for 3 days now.. hope he's doing fine there with the scary weather (o degree celcius :S)...

Love,
Shin :)

Off he goes to UK :S

My dear just left for UK yesterday night -- His parents and I were there to send him off. How miserable was my heart at that moment, worrying will he be ok over there for a long month. I knew he would take care, just worried if suddenly he will be too 'gang hor' at some events :P
While I was driving back from KLIA -- tried hard to control myself from shedding any tears and I kept telling myself that he will be back soon, just be patience :)

Woke up in the morning and the first thing I remember to do is to write him an email :) Tried hard to remember his yahoo email, but failed (temporary memory loss again :S) so I decided to wrote to his hotmail instead :P
After click on the send button and done everything... I realized he has a simple blog too...

It made me sad when I read through all the postings as he sounded sad everytime... which I hope that i can help or even not becoming the cause of it. Sometimes, I wish I can tell him that I love him the way he is, but there are things in our live which is not good or negative, we have to try hard to change it and leave it behind... It is these effort taken that will determine how far can we go. No point of loving someone but there's no growth within you to become a better person.

I guess everyone have their ups and downs and I believe both of us are going through the same thing daily -- we might be pissed off by someone, something or whatever and then that made our day... How important it is for us to realize what's wrong and then mend our life back before it got worse.

Seriously, I was crying when I got to read his blog. To sense the unhappiness he had previously and later in our relationship -- all because after my birthday. It was after my birthday that things exploded within me all because I was having so much expectations over him. Now I knew I shouldnt, so I just tell myself that, birthday is just a normal day, dont make a big fuss about it and make yourself and others unhappy. Celebrated or not celebrated will not be an issue anymore. If someone remembers or have a special plan for you on your birthday, then it's a blessing. If not? You wont die either, life still goes on...

I wonder how he is now in his flight... 2 more hours and he'll reach London... Hope the weather is ok there :S
May God bless him everyday :)

Love,
Shin :)

Unexpected visitors :)

Don't ever bother what people write about their life as it is not yours... why you wanted to bother so much about it if it doesn't relate to you or... are you admitting that you are the culprit?? :)

Someone just left some comments over here few weeks ago... and doesn't even understand the words he r she's trying to say as people without an identity if just plain to be ignored.

Suspects:

1. Some angry people who are struck by jealousy on something that they cant do..
2. Some past acquaintances who had betrayed me and now are dissatisfied over things written which he will never admit
3. Some childish people who has nothing better to do..

Done.. have to go back and work on my project. Need to travel to Penang next Monday.
May God bless the bastard!

Love,
Shin

So called father.. I had enough!

From the moment my mum told me what had happened -- I hate him for the rest of my life.
He has not been a good father since we were born -- been abusing my mum since they got married, left us 6 years ago and now, he's back doing more harm to mum.

I cant believe he has not realized his mistakes and all the sins he had got himself into and now he is making me hating him more. He's trying to sell off the house in Raub and get rid of my mum from there.

I swore to myself, when the day comes and he's dying, I will not even step into his grave -- perhaps this is my biggest sin but I had enough of this idiot man treating my mum this way, making her sad every time.

Lost moment :S

Felt so sluggish today -- from the point I woke up from a short nap just now. Felt tired and refused to get up but looking at those magazines piling up on the floor, I know I have to get up and get ride of them today :S

Miss mum so terribly today -- maybe because that this bad daughter has realized that she hasnt been spending much quality time with the mother lately. Although I called home often, 3 to 4 times a week but those phone calls were nothing when I went home over the weekend and spent time with her :)
Something hits me hard and I told myself that I will spend more time with her after this and make her happier.. I love you mom :)

It's been a very quiet week since last Monday till today -- for me. Guess it is a moment for my head to relax and get hold of some reality for myself.. Time for me to think over things in my life at the moment and determine what I really wanted and what can I achieve..

Had some bad dreams lately -- chased by a big snakes, arguments with Kent, mom was sick, I died in accident and etc... not forgetting few dreams related to my ex (Oh, the point is, whenever a dream has his appearance, I consider it as a bad dream -- why in the world / hell do you still wanted to dream about those human being? :S)

Going back to work tomorrow... cant wait to do some testing with Brazil, Czech Republic and Dubai... Another day :)

Have to get back some inspiration to work and write :)

Love,
Shin :S

I'm 24! :)

"May I know who is Kylee? Here are some flowers for her"
I heard a lady asking Susan and in her hands were some beautiful pink roses.

I was on the phone with Tonny (vendor) and couldnt walked over to receive the flowers... My heart was actually pumping fast and in my mind was actually asking "Could it be him?"... "I hope it's from him..." but then after a few seconds, my logical sense kicks in and tells me that -- that would be impossible. Right after this realization, I thought of 2 things -- 1. The flowers must be from Madam Vachala and 2. It reminds me of the red and pink roses that Ricardo (PH) sent me on his birthday last November... :)

I didnt really check out the flower as Anum brought it over to my desk... I just let it lay down there on the table -- I do not want to be too 'kecoh' about it, scared it will somehow generates some envy or jealousy around the office. I just keep it low... Still I was a bit disappointed looking at the flowers.. Then I tell myself -- stop thinking too much and hope nor expect too much..

So, hereby I would like to share with you my blessings for the year -- 24 years old birthday blessings and love from people around me.

Sree's Birthday wish says "stay the same -- stay the way you are coz you are the best the way you are now" --- Thanks Sree! :)

My 1st present from Sree -- around 11am (11th Sept 09) he called me to complained that I sent him too much emails. He requested me to go over to his cubicle and explain to him on some of the emails before he goes on leave. I reached there and taa daa! Surprise! He handed me this present with a Kinokuniya plastic bag -- hehe, he knew I love books :)

Went back home and I waited till it was 12am (12th Sept 09 -- my birthday) then I opened the present from Sree and guess what! It's a joke book! Love it so much.
Sree says in his card "Hope you'll laugh your butt out!"
Wakakaka...

My 2nd present -- 11th Sept 09, at nite after work almost the whole department were hanging out at a bistro in Glenmarie -- Eat Work-Shop. We were having fun snacking, drinking and laughing throughout the whole nite when it was around 9.40pm... Surprise!
The waiter carried a small cake out! It was so pretty with a dark chocolate plate saying "Happy Birthday Shin!" Thanks guys for making my day! Love ya all so much!

Everyone sang the birthday song to me and I make a wish!
"I wish I will be able to be in this DHL Family after my 6 months contract end -- this time stays as a permenant employee and I AM GONNA CLIMB THE LADDER UP!!!!"
Hehehe... and my 2nd wish was to be happy always and to be care free no matter what..
My 3rd wish -- my mom will always stays healthy and happy and safe back in Raub
My 4th wish -- Hope my dear will always be happy and doing well in everything that he's indulging in.
God Bless everyone! :)

The silly Wilfred was wishing me to get an Indian boyfriend soon... OMG :P

After 3 days my birthday has passed by -- today (15th Sept 09) I received a special surprise from Vachala. A bouquet of pink roses.
OMG.. Madam... you scared me :P
Still I am very blessed and grateful to have someone who sayang me so much in the office.
Thanks a million Madam :)

Nanta forced me to take a photo with the roses and he said I look like a tikus mondok (in my FB).
At least a photo for my memory... :)

The special birthday card from everyone in the department.
Thanks guys!
Love ya all!

Well, that is it. I am glad that for this birthday I am still manage to have a few photos for remembrance... :)

Love

Bye Bye Tabbee... :(

I cant stop myself from crying once I got the news from Andy..
"Halo, Andy? So did you manage to find Tabbee??"

There's a pause in my heart when I was asking this to Andy as I am really afraid of what I will hear from Andy soon....
"Tabbee fell down. Dead d....."
My heart stop for a moment -- I couldn't accept what I heard... He's only 2 months old...

I was looking forward to come home after work to play with this little fella.. Part of me were saying that, if I could come home earlier, he might not have fell... Suddenly, I have lost a little buddy to play with, a friend who would cheer me up after a tired day at work..

I started crying in the car... when I reached the car park, I couldn't stop myself from thinking of him, his little cute and adorable face... I couldn't stop myself from imagining how he had fall from the balcony.. oh my god...

Get into the house, I cant forget his little cute paws stepping out from the corner of the hall and ran towards me as if he's been waiting for me to get home and play with him. I still remembered the time I was playing hide and seek with him around the sofa... It was still fresh in my mind of the way he looked at me this morning when I was drying my clothes... His eyes just sparkles and a cute smile.. And now he's gone already...

I miss him so much... :'(
Tabbee....

In grieve..
Shin :'(

Tabbee -- The new member in the house :)

Went for rock climb at Damai today around 8.30am and I only managed to climb for 2 routes. I had never been there since my last trip 6 months ++ ago and it sort of thrilled me today to be there again. Unfortunately, bad enough, I didn't manage to finish any of the routes as my arms tires easily... shall try again next round :)

It's good to have a cat at home now -- Tabbee -- my bro in law bought him for MYR700 and he's only 2 months old.. :)


It feels great to play with him because no matter how bad the day you had outside with people around you, you come back home and see him sitting here looking at you innocently -- ready to have some fun with you -- all my worries and unhappiness gone away. Its true, I really do love animals especially cats and dogs as they will never abandon me no matter what and I will never feel lonely with them around -- not as complicated and troublesome as human being... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Reflecting on Life

Since a couple of weeks before, I checked my mailbox almost everyday... the result = no news from any company yet! Erm... this really torn down my faith and motivation to work -- I know I know... I have to be patience and keep my eyes open, but sometimes, I get tired too being in this situation. I have no doubt that I am performing in my work now but I just dont understand why they prefer to retain people who generates such negative energy to the working environment and team rather than keeping me in the circle? I am definately have no doubt on my working performance or attitude towards colleagues.. but it just amazed me sometimes...

Surin texted me last Friday night saying that although Yasmin has rejected my contract renewal but they (Surin and the other managers) are still trying to keep me. To be honest that night I could harldy sleep though I told everyone that I just read his message around 2am.. I lied somehow.. after reading his text, his short text message which should made me feel relieve or convince that they still havent give up on me.. instead, it caused me to have so much bad dreams that night..
I wasnt as peaceful anymore as I think I am...

Inside of me, I am crying already -- thinking why life must be so harsh on me in everything I do. But my head is telling me I have to stay positive and be strong -- not to let anyone under estimate myself as they have yet to know who I am. I have to have faith in what I am going through now and I have to remind myself that I am blessed to have such wonderful people around me that had helped me so much through this hard time...

Kenneth, Mr.Zul, Surin, Nanta, Kwan, Beckz -- Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate the help in looking out jobs for me.. I owe u guys a big one! :)

So much happened lately in the office -- all about human relationship management :P
What clever moves is it to keep yourself comfortable around people you are working with and as well as what is the strategy to keep people around you comforatble working with you without causing you trouble and hassle and in the same time enable you to perform.. these are really interesting things to discuss about as I believe everyone has their own thoughts on this :)

Yesterday was Uncle Stephen and Bro Jea Farn's Birthday! Happy Birthday!
The day before yesterday was Kenneth's dad's Birthday! Happy Birthday Uncle Chan! :P
The day before again was Evon's ROM (Marriage Registration) -- Congrats sis!


So much happened around me... and it's interesting...
Let me post up some of my happy memories in DHL soon in my future blogs to let you know why it's sad for me to leave... :(

Love ya all so much! God bless!

Love,
Shin :)

Swimming? Erm....

"Should I go down or shouldn't I?" -- This was the only question bothering me at the moment... Okay okay, you must be thinking going down to where (I'm sure if Arujun heard this, his mind would be fantasizing something else :P)... I was thinking whether to go down to the swimming pool or not..

The fact is that "I do not know how to swim" and this fact has been killing me for years :S Self confidence I guess what the reason that till now I am still lost with this sport :P
No no, not because of the swimwear -- I don't bother how people will look at me also as I dont look that bad what :P... Self confidence here would refer to the lack of confidence on myself in taking up and learning it -- then on how people look and think when they see you holding that swimming board at this age :P

I know I know, learning of course I cant be shy with all these but just cant help it :)
I will go down later and I hope I wont get myself drown ... :S

Love,
Shin (scared of water... joking! :P)

I wanna be happy :)

Everyday you wake up and wondering what's ahead that you'll be facing. You blink your eyes for a few times not knowing that you have wasted a few seconds of your life sitting there being confused and grumpy.

Get up and touch the sky with your hand... even you cant reach that high yet, keep trying and you'll reach it sooner or later.. I wanna smile my way through it.. :) God bless..

Love,

Shin :)

A Tribute -- Yasmin Ahmad

As you sit down and recall back those special ads you watch over the years during festive seasons, you hardly notice who was the creative mind behind all those stories -- the stories that touches each and every of our heart. This time around, we have lost another great life story teller, Yasmin Ahmad..


Tributes were everywhere -- over the radio, television, blogs and social networking sites.. As the DJ were reading out tributes from the public, I cant stop my tears from flowing when each and every of those words bring back such a great amount of memories that I once had and the feeling that I used to and still having whenever I watch all her movies and ads.. She's one of a kind..

Colors of skin and culture should never be the boundaries for us to live together, t share life together, to cry together and yet to grow old together... What if you are a Chinese, Malay or Indian -- does the difference in the races and skin colors make you any lesser than a normal human being?

I am blessed to have wonderful friends around me and guess what, all of them are from different races... I have Dilla -- my close friend who I can share my feelings and thoughts with. I have Ramesh, Ken Mee and Lee Ming -- who we grew up together with. I have Mr.Zul -- who has never give up on me and giving me all the support he could all the time. I have Surin -- my boss who will never forget to appreciate each and everything you do. I have Yen -- who has been there for me for the past years where I had a unsupportive relationship. I have Lydia -- who was there whenever I needed a company. I have Kwan -- who I can bully all the time and at the same time being bullied by him too :) I have Ricardo -- who always believe in me and have me in his memory.. and now I have Ken -- who always accept the way I am and love me for who I am...

I have a lot to write today but the smell of my Aunt's cooking just made me lost in my own 'food' fantasy world... stomach is growling...

Lirik Pergi - Aizat (OST Talentime)

Sayu terpisah
hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
berhembus angin rindu
begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu
hujan lebat mencurah kini
bagaikan tiada henti
kaulah laguku kau irama terindah
tak lagi kudengari
kau pergi.. pergi..
sepi tanpa kata
terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
apa pun kata mereka
biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia

Love all of you so much...
Shin :)

Shape Putrajaya Run :)

Oh... Just woke up after almost 9 hours of sleep -- recovery from the exhaustion I had from yesterday run :P
I was participating in the Fun Run (non-competitive) which is 5km and I manage to complete it in 32 mins -- erm.. 5 minutes of improvement from my gym record :) Was thinking should I train more to improve my endurance and stamina or should I upgrade to 10km? One thing for sure, my mind wasn't strong enough yet and this is the part I have to take care of first :P

Kenneth and the others were running in the 11.5km and Kenneth manage to complete it under 1 hour and 10 mins (a timing for a sick person - fever - not bad not bad) and I'm proud of him.. Faeez and the others did more than 1 hour and 20 mins :)

Ok ok... I need to brush my teeth and bath then... maybe continue to sleep again? wahahahaha :P

Love ya all... :)

Love,
Shin :)

Just Plain Lousy... :(

I miss my hometown buddies but none willing to make some free time for me..
When I said that I am upset -- I was again put to blame..
I blame myself for caring so much for them -- be there for them when they need someone to talk to..
But when it's my time -- who do I turn to?

Lousy,
Shin :(

Had fun --> Ouch!

Another though week searching for job... My Maxis application has once again (the first time was during my internship) being rejected -- damn! :S

Am now awaiting the others to respond while browsing through more... life is so difficult sometimes.. guess this is the challenge that I need to go through before anything that will come waving at me with a smile :)

Went to FRIM on Saturday and it was indeed a great outdoor day I had for quite a long time. Reason why I enjoyed it so much was because the fact that we (me and the gang) managed to snap a lot of photos -- crazy and sweet photos that is :)

These are things that will remind all of us of the fun of exploring a whole new world with friends and also new friends that you got to know while exploring :) Ken Mee followed us to FRIM last saturday too and I was glad he did. There was a bit of complains about others delaying the trekking up to the canopy walk and what I would say to him was -- "Bro, chill and relax. Have fun. This is not a competition." -- Whenever I am travelling in a group, I tends to make sure everything is happy and OK. Guess those who always thinking of reaching as the first or leaving the others behind would reflect something in their life -- how they are going to deal and take care of their love ones around them.. Key word for the day -- be patience :P

Then on Sunday, Kenneth and I joined Siew's team at the Skytrex, Bukit Cahaya -- It's something like flying fox and obstacles way up high (around 15 to 20 meters from the ground) :) Of course, we had fun there but the excitement and fun I had there was not as good as the FRIM -- I get to know new friends but the Skytrex I wasnt introduce to much people :) Oh, nvm...

Another boring morning... My tentative for today would be:

1. Skype and disturb Dilla


2. Skype and disturb Anum


3. Skype and disturb Susan


4. Waiting for Kenneth to Skype :P


5. Finishing up my to-do-list for the day


6. Copy the applications discussion outcome from the white board -- must do today!


7. Thinking and strategize for Restaurant City :P


8. Eating eating and eating (miss Ramlee burger d :(... )


9. Think of what else to do...
   
   

Till then all.. Shall post more photos in here over the weekend as the connection was way lousy in the evening till midnight time :S

Wish me all the best of getting a job ya. Pray pray pray....

Love,

Shin :)

Sleepy -- a quick one :P

Lately been having a very weird feeling -- I kept thinking of giving up on things that I am having or doing now -- no matter it's work, relationship, interest, family or anything...
Dont know what caused me to felt this way but I really do hope it goes away soon enough... :S

At last! Manage to get Mr.Zul online... haih, it's never easy to get the opportunity to chat with him -- at times I thought he had forgotten me and had become best buddies with my ex :S Hehehehe... sorry ler I pikir camni.. cant help it la bro :P

Going for jungle trekking tomorrow at FRIM. Who's joining? Let me see -- Zul and his 5 other friends, Shin Khai, Kenneth, Ker Soon and Ken Mee :)
So, today's entry would just be a short one as I am heading to bed already... nite nite guys!

KD -- rindu akak la... meh la keluar sama sama next time... jgn pergi dah kenduri... penat jer :P wakakaka

Kwan -- you book ticket d or not???!!!!

Love & sleepy,
Shin :P

Moody moody...

Waking up in the morning with a cloudy mood in my head -- Keep asking myself why is it so hard to get over what people said or commented about you. Sometimes, when people said something to you and it's funny and make others luagh -- I would consider it as a joke! But when you said something to a person and the others not even dare to say a word or they just laugh within themselves -- Shouldnt that sounds more like an insult or what I say "stupid" f***ing joke?

Okay --- actually I woke up around 4am... Dont know what to do, so I went online, the connection was slow so I decided to do my laundry. It took me around 15 minutes with it then I though I can get back to sleep -- I CANT FALL ASLEEP! Tossing around from left to right and to left again, but my mind just seemed so blur and I just couldnt sleep till 6.15am when I started to feel sleepy again :S
Try texting but guess the person was sleeping soundly too as there's no reply -- or maybe my text message no longer wake that person up anymore..
What a miserable morning I had -- but it shouldnt stop me from having a great day ahead :)

Lately I had been thinking about getting a job as soon as possible that it made me stress up again :S It's just so hard to get a single reply from those vacancies that you are interested in... God bless me and I really do need a lot of moral support and motivation from people and things around me... gotten kinda sensitive lately due to this -- trying to get my mind free every weekend. Hope no one will piss me off during this difficult time around -- if I could put on a smiley face and you still piss me off -- OMG, I couldnt imagine what will come out from my mouth or I wont even talk to that person already...

Arrggghhhhh!!!!!
K.D, I tengah bengang nie!!! Camne nie...?? Bila nak gi gila gila ngan Shin nie? I nak ambik gambar banyak banyak la.. :S

Kwan Wai Pang -- I tell you ar, you better book your ticket next week to come over KL, or else ... hehehehe...

Need to start work d... gambate to myself and hope the day ahead is promising enough and brings happiness.. :)

Love,
Shin :)

What does a woman lies a lot about?

Just got home from a jog at Taman Aman -- today the 5 rounds were so easy, no difficulty at all, was thinking is it because of the iPod that helped? Maybe :) Good thing though so next time I shall put my iPod on and RUN! :P

Was listening to the Fly.FM Rush Hour this evening and the topic that Jules and Prem brought up was "What do women lie most about?" -- Some callers called in and said things which were quite expected such as -- age, weight, relationship status and blah blah blah...
For me, there is one thing that women lie most about -- our feelings. We often cared so much about the things around us, especially how people look and judge us that we tend to say things to please people around at times which we dont really feel that way. Maybe some of you can say that this sounds hiprokrit but it's true. Men do the same too but perhaps no as critical as ladies do. :)

So, I asked myself -- "What did I lied about recently?"... Most of it was a sin that I lied to my mom when she asked me where was I over the weekend.. I was -- the truth = went hiking with Kenneth -- the lie = I was out watching movie :S
The reason behind this was when everytime I share with her what I was doing over the weekend, she was not being supportive and happy for the things I do. I dont find hiking or climbing wrong for any reasons as long as I take good care of my safety and I go with someone I can count on. It wasnt a bad thing nor a crime but.. she just worried without reasons and start accusing me for something that I did not do -- which sometimes, it made me reluctant to share with her what I gone through with work and friends anymore... Sometimes you just hope a person would just listen and be supportive and trust you.. This was something that which I said that we, overall no matter what gender, would lead us to lie...

I used to share these experiences of where I went and who I met or what I do with Uncle Stephen and Auntie Yong or maybe sometimes friends like Kwan or Lydia or Dilla... but lately everyone just seems so quiet... I miss uncle and auntie already.. Lydia also... it's been almost a few months we never see each other... haih :S

Sometimes, women tend to lie how they feel when people ask them "Are you feeling ok?" -- reason being was we tend to prove that we are strong and tough, very often forgetting that we are not as strong and tough as men --> which is the fact! We do not wanted to be look down in any way by the other sex as we had been said to be the 'fragile' one and been judge as the least important.. That's another reason why women lie about their feelings :)

When being asked "Are you ok, or is there something wrong?" -- I tend to answer that everything is fine, although sometimes it was hurting inside or was feeling confused. The reason from me would be -- the less word being spoken, the less harm done. Sometimes, you just never know how that person would react to your answer for that "Are you ok, or is there something wrong?" type of question... Sometimes, I keep silent and try to imagine or think how that person would react to each and every words I would say later on (managing the expectation) -- will that person be calm enough to listen to the problems I am having? Will that person be supportive enough to give good advise / solutions with a logical and positive attitude? Will that person be caring enough to just listen and give me a pat on my back (or a hug from someone that I love) without uttering a word and just figure out the solutions he / she can think of later? Will that person just be darn emotional and start stumping his / her feet in front of me or start screaming her lungs out at me when I said how I feel? Will each of my words that truly came from the heart breaks the friendship or relationship? -- these are all the concerns...

That's why I can truly tell everyone here that I am a person who is very careful with my words -- the politness and proper words to be used with different people.. I do not like rudeness, every words used against me is something that I used to judge a person -- whether he or she is mature enough, still childish, emotional, kepohchi or etc...

That's why some friends always said that I might look talkative or quiet at times, but beware as I am observing... hahaha... this was said by my close friends back in hometown... maybe or maybe not... They said that I am a dangerous creature... Dangerous creature but still want to hangout with me... Who is crazier and dangerous then? :P Hahahaha

My hair at last -- SHORT! It reminds me f my Form 2 photo... I look exactly like that age.. OMG! Surprisingly, Kenneth said that I look cute (blushing) and mom said I look better with this haircut :P
Thank u thank u !

Nite everyone... I planned to go in to office very early tomorrow, maybe around 6.30am.. so I need to have my beauty sleep now :P

Aih... miss my dear d.... :P

Love,
Shin :P

Broga Hill Hike (Saturday) -- Cancelled! :P

Yesterday morning supposed to be the day for our Broga Hill hike -- me and Kenneth of course.. Too bad that suddenly it rained in the morning and when we reached there (after we got lost in the Semenyih town for a while), OMG there were so many cars around -- a lot of people were hiking on that day. Furthermore the sky was getting darker and darker... We decided to camcelled the hiking plan for the day and go for a Morib excursion trip! :P

Before we go to Morib, we dropped by at the Putrajaya new sports centre -- I was feeling a bit 'itchiness' with my legs and hands d since the hiking was cancelled in the morning so I was joking to hike up those little man-made hills in Putrajaya... We were laughing about that silly idea till we came to the sports centre look-out point!
We stopped the car by the road side and guess what! We climb up the hill using the drainage and the slopes with slippers! I was thinking -- people sure say this people went nuts and got nothing else better to do -- but I can tell you that, I enjoyed it a lot. Though it's something simple but the fun of doing it (of course it's not against the law) and sharing that fun with someone you love is great! Hope Kenneth enjoyed it too :P

The we head to Morib -- on the way, Kenneth said he wish to have banana for snacks while on our way driving to Morib. We passed a makcik stall selling bananas and I was confidently telling him that there will be another (maybe a lot more) such stalls in front -- he were doubting so we have a bet :P
After some few kilometres, at last, there's a run down stall selling bananas... RM 1 for 1kg = CHEAP! I do not know what this type of banana called but it was nice and sweet. We finished the whole bunch by the time we reached Morib :P


Overall our journey yesterday was like this:

My house --> 7 Eleven for 100 Plus and mineral water --> Char Siu Pau Shop, nyum nyum :P --> Semenyih (got lost :P) --> Broga Hill (cancelled coz raining) --> Petronas Toilet :P --> Putrajaya Sports Centre --> Putrajaya Sports Center Look Out Point (which we were planning to fake it as the Broga Hill peak :P heheheh) --> Morib beach --> Tanjung Sepat bridge --> Bagan Lalang beach --> Tanjung Sepat SeaFood Restaurant for lunch --> Tanjung Sepat Pau Shop, nyum nyum --> Dong Zen Temple (superb beautiful) --> Sunway (bath) --> The Curve, Home Deco fair :) --> Back to home! --> Room's door was lock from within --> no key can open it --> BREAK the door knob --> a night rest without a door knob :S

Energy level -- Start journey 7am =98%
Energy level -- End of journey 10.30pm = 5%
Hahahahaha

I shall post our journey yesterday with more interesting storylines soon... now I need to bath and head back to Raub :P

Love,
Shin :P

Chic Peas :P

Woke up in the morning -- first thing that came to my mind is to cook the chic peas! :P
I wanted to bring it over as a gift when I had lunch later with Ken.. :)

On leave today -- at least another rest day for me. Had a great rest -- I doozed off around 10.10pm and woke up at 6.30am (realized that I do not need to work today :P) and then went back to sleep till 8.35pm and I said to myself "Aiyoyo, lupa wake him up at 8am!"... But no worries, he will always get up at the time he wants -- not like us, sleep is the best hobby in the world! Hahaha... :P

Something interesting happened yesterday -- a simple survey done by Siva and Melinda during our lunch session: "What you think that makes a man having affair with another woman when he's already in a relationship (married or dating la)?"
Siva was actually targetted me and Salina for that question when suddenly Salina said Siva shouldnt be asking me coz I am not married yet -- Siva said "No no, dont said like that. This girl can answer, you will never know!" --> true enough Siva, I might not be married or have a lot of relationships before, but I believe there are certain things that I understand and went through that no one been there before -- same goes to each and everyone of you who are reading this..

Some of us might have been betrayed in a relationship before -- Some of us might have a miscommunication in a relationship before -- Some of us might not know that our anger problem is not working out for a relationship -- Some of us might have been abused mentally or physically before -- And so much more... I believe our journeys are definately differently from each other, either they help you to grow emotionally or they breaks you just like that -- and thank God that my past taught me and made me realized that I have a better future ahead.

Ok, back to Siva's survey...
Salina answers:

1. Sex could be the reason -- a man feeling dissatisfied in sex with his partner and found someone who could satisfied him out there
2. Partner should always spice things up in the relationship especially when the door is closed and the lights is off
   
3. Give and take or compromising is the key in a successful relationship
   

True enough what Salina said and I agreed, but below are my justification:

1. Feeling dissatisfied can never be and excuse for all the betrayal. If a man feeling dissatisfied with the partner sexually and he opt to go out and get another woman to satisfied him -- does he ever know / asked if the wife is satisfied with his performance on the bed too? This can never be a valid excuse of betraying and breaking up your partner's heart.
2. Values -- it's a bout values one hold in his or her life. There is no right or wrong sometimes in a relationship but it really about one's values on how he or she looks at things. The man may say it's for his own good (self-satisfaction) but have he ever sit down and think deeply on what impact it will cause to the partner? It's not all about yourself when you are in a relationship (and if you are thinking of a journey together with this person in your life) -- it involves other souls too.
3. Always remember to think -- before you do something / take a risk, always try to be in one's shoes and think about how would they feel or think if you did this to them and how would you feel if thy did the same to you? I'd been through one who never consider how hurtful the things he does to me and I can tell you here now that, sometimes, always use your brain and not your heart to make a decision. Think before you act..
   
4. At the end of the day, it's all about communication. If 2 person are smart enough they will know how to work out that relationship -- the vital ingredients for every relationship are different. Some need to do a lot of talking, some just need to get physical and some might just need some emotional maturity to deal with it. Some couples like to hug each other when things goes wrong. Some just need to be silent and think through it and get peace from it. Some just like to fight over it. Some just prefer to stay away from each other.
5. I have more to say but I am just plain lazy to type today :P

A friend asked me yesterday through skype "What kind of people that you are scared of or dislike?"... I answer her with a laugh:

1. I dont like someone like my dad -- always angry all the time, it's like a mental torture staying with him
2. I dont like people who cheat on me -- they will get their karma soon
3. I am scared of people scolding me or raise their voice (with anger) to me -- I dislike it a lot as I think it's very immature and sometimes I am afraid that I cant hold myself and I slap that person --> things might got worse from there :P Wahahaha
4. I am scared of my mom -- I'm scared that she will leave me someday and I have no one to turn to for a mother daughter joke or gossip :S
5. I dislike people who think himself / herself is so great -- no need to tell who la
6. I am scared of people who are abusive like my dad -- mental and physical torture :S
7. I hate people who do not know how to deal with things in a mature way -- what they use is force, violence, anger and self torture!

Ok, my chic peas are almost ready... need to prepare it first :P
Love ya all...

Love,
Shin :P

10km --> completed!

Was feeling a bit reluctant to run earlier this evening but luckily I managed to drag myself down to the gym -- what made me more excited was the gym was vacant! No intruders! Hahaha :P

Started running, I set my mind to only run for 6km today by beating the earlier timing -- the something hits me and was telling me "Dont push yourself -- run the distance first, dont run the timing"... oh ok then :)
Started running with my iPod playing in my ears -- music really distract me from keep on looking at the monitor -- how far and how long have I run.. :)
Somewhere around 3km that I decided today I wanted to complete 10 km instead of 6km! I manage to finish 5km in 38 mins.. My legs was feeling heavy somewhere around my 7km and my mind weaken -- oh no!!!
However, I still manage to complete my 10km at 74mins and 38 seconds... hu... what a tiring session... :P
Was so satisfied with the run -- but there's one mistake I made, I was increasing the speed just to finish it faster -- no good no good... should be consistent, no wonder I felt my whole body aching now :S

Had a great time back in office today... Surprisingly, a lot of people were asking about my contract status today -- Siva asked, Khoo asked, Zul and Harliza asked, Anum asked, Madam V asked, Susan asked... aiyoyo... pening nak jawab :P
Surin just said dont hope too much but always strive for the best :)
I really like this boss..

Was planning to go to jog tomorrow in the park... but then I changed my mind -- was thinking about bowling :P Since my dear wont be able to accompany me for jog tomorrow as he's having dinner with friends then I was thinking maybe I can asked Sree and the others for a bowling session tomorrow :P
Harap harap jadi la... or else I'll come home and watch TVB series :P

Aiyo... body aching d... suddenly miss my dog Popeye so much and especially DoDo (my dog which has passed away 8 years ago..) miss DoDo... She's a labrarador Retriever which is very very beautiful... I have a lot of her photos.. I shall scanned and post it up soon :)

Tired d.. going to FB then I shall sleep... nite everyone :)

Love,
Shin :)

Raining.. I love it.. :)

People always say that "the rain will wash away memories.." but for me, the rains will always brings back memories... at least the good and memorable ones :)

It was raining in KL -- thank God for the rains as KL was extremely hot lately. At least it lower down the weather and we can all sleep soundly tonight under the blanket :)
I was in the car with Kenneth.. while he was driving, my attention was directed to those raindrops falling onto the car -- the motion of the raindrops and the beautiful sound it creates... I love raining (though it makes my car dirtier then usual :P)... Suddenly some memories came back to me which I was kinda surprised with them :)

I still remember the first time he brought me to this 'tong sui' stall in Seksyen 17 months ago... it was rainy season too that time but that particular day was a Wednesday and it didnt rain.. I remember that he was wearing a black shirt which he has folded the sleeves into half up to his elbow and a pair of jeans with his white Nike shoes.. hehe, of course that time his hair was not as short as the way it is now :) I couldnt reall what 'tong sui' he had that day -- either bubur chacha or red bean soup... I was having the 'mak chuk tong sui'... We had a quick but a nice little lite dinner together that day.. :)
I'm missing those moments... I felt blessed that we were having the same tonight -- the only difference between then and now would be the bond builded between us :)
I felt warm to be by his side today.. felt sweet and being appreciated..

I bought him some cakes today -- without any reason. I hope he likes it and yeap, he love them :)
The fact is that I love surprises -- giving and receiving of course :P And I believe that presents or whatever it is, should never comes only during any special occasion -- it should always comes with your heart desire.. That's me... :P

We went to visit some kittens at a pet store in DU... This is the 5th times we went to this shop and I hope the owner wont be mad at us playing their kittens and not buying anything :P
The kittens were so cute and I really really wish I can have my own very very soon... A short hair and cute playful one... grey color with blue eye maybe :P
Maybe one like the below... hehehhe


Browsed through some job posting today and had came across some interesting jobs -- will apply tomorrow hopefully, since Surin and Salina will not be in AM, I would have sufficient time to do my own 'personal' things ... hehehe...
Another 1.5 months to go and I really gonna miss Surin, Salina, Anum and the others... This I would say, is the best working environment for me... the energy, the fun, the crazyness and the openess of each other were the best qualities this team can offer...
A part of me wanting to stay (hoping for my contract renewal) and a part of me was telling me to move on and explore new opportunities ahead of me to grow :)
Some secret were shared between me and Surin yesterday, and I do really hope he meant what he said to me coz it really does motivate me a lot!

Time to continue disturbing Mr.Sree a.k.a brother Sree who is still working in office... pity pity...

Nite everyone... Have a wonderful sleep tonight with this noce weather...Love ya all..

Love,
Shin :)

Getting Older... huhuhu

Just got back from the gym and I pity myself so much... As if I had grew old so fast that I couldn't run as I did before -- way back in secondary school :S

6km -- I did more than 45 mins. I said to myself "What a shame" :(
Aiyoyo...

Remember the time when I was in secondary with Yuan Xin, Mei San and the others.. we were like the queens on the field. Whenever we run, we are running for the district or state. Yuan Xin was the sprinter --> ran for 100m and 200m, Mei San was the long distance runner --> 800m and 1500m. And as for me, Shin Khai --> 200m and 400m and sometimes 800m when I was forced by Mr.Gurdeev :P

The fact is that, it's never easy to get into the team every term to represent your district or state as Pahang is way too big compare to other states.. It's like every single competition on track and fields, there are around 20 to 30 contestant per event -- and almost all of them are very good.. especially the indians in running events.. :S

I only manage to get into the district team for 4 years and the state team only once -- never easy but I had so much fun! Remember my personal best record for 400m was 58 seconds... about 15 seconds per 100m = > 2.5 mins per 1km... aiyoyo... if only I can ran that good nowadays :P

I remembered the time after my motorbike accident --> thanks to the 2 stupid cats (were dating and main kejar kejar across the road :S)... my right knee was cracked a bit and until now, I cant kneel down for more than a minutes -- when i stand up after that, I cant stand properly and it hurts.. since then I seldom jog or run anymore... more to brisk walk... as everytime I ran it hurts.. even now, marathon (huiyoh!)... training for it was never easy as it still aches everytime after my jog... just bear with it... :)

The past is the past and guess what, I am enjoying every single thing I am doing now -- jogging, sleeping, laughing and being quiet (in deep thought la) :P
Today someone asked me about what sports I love the most -- without a single delay the images of this sports appeared in my head --> Kayaking! :P
I never had a good opportunity to learn kayak when I was back in Uni ... what I could do was just to watch from a far the students learning by the seaside and enjoying themselves while I was filled with envy and sadness... haih... wish I could turn back time... :S

Felt excited that Kenneth will bring me to Broga Hill this Saturday for a hike. It's been a long time since our last hike together at Gunung Angsi. I hope this one will be another fruitful hike together (and hope I dont slow him down) :P
Cant wait to go! Yay! :)

Below is a pic we had during the Angsi hike... all are FaceBook gang :P


Whole body aching d... macam orang tua pulak... memalukan... haih...
Ok folks... gonna go to bed soon... nite nite

Love,
Shin :)

Billie the Big Head Devil ...

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face.. was thinking "Was there any sweet dreams I had?" or "Was there something made me happy that I didnt notice?"
Then as I view the text messages in my phone, I found the reason why I was smiling and being happy :) It was a text message I received from Kenneth, he texted me before he went to bed, everynight.. There's something in those messages that made you feel warm and blessed but as always, it's hard to explain...

Khoo emailed me the other day, asking "I heard that you are leaving the company, is it true?" Suddenly this question of his strikes me... I had nearly unaware that I only left 2 months working and having fun with this company, especially my colleagues :S
Been searching high and low for jobs that I am interested and confident in lately, but it was hard. Guess this is another challenge and things for me to learn n life -- it's not always sweet and smooth, we need some challenge in our life (as such) to push ourselves further ahead and to appreciate life more.. So, no worries.. keep looking and may God will always be there to look out new job for me :P Hehehehehe...

I have a new family member, his name is Billie the Big Head Devil :P
It's a toy from Kenneth -- damn cute with his big head and the 2 little red horns (devil's horns la) and a very tiny body... :P I hope I can hug him to sleep at nite but to bad, I'm worried that I will tear off his head :P So, I just place the fellar next to my pillow :)


Went for marathon last weekend and it was fun! Had some volunteering work on Saturday and running for 5km on Sunday morning 7am... exhausted of course but I guess I enjoyed the most of it... Oh anyway, the marathon was called "Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2009" :P

We are preparing for the next "Shape Putrajaya Nite Run" on 25th July 2009. It's going to be a night marathon and am expecting another round of crazy and fun photo session with the gang :)
I will only be running for 5km as I wasnt trained for 10km yet... Furthermore, my legs ache everytime I jogged.. but the pain just goes away when you just be posotive and happy with what you are doing... a smile from him also will be sufficient :P

Evon's getting married next month -- going to register at the ROM. Was feeling excited about it. She invited me to join them at the ROM and I said "sure!" with a big smile :)
We do felt happy for her to be able to find the happiness that one always wanted for... Hope that is the right guy for her to go through the journey of life together..
I told this to Salina yesterday and surprisingly she asked me when is my turn? I turned to her (while she was driving) and laughed "Lama lagi la Salina, I baru je umur 24... at least 30 la"... Then she looked at me and asked me am I sure ar with 30... I just answered her "gurau jer"... The moment will come without you knowing, there's no need to crack your head over it and there is also no harm with the fact that you might be alone till the old days, without marrying anyone. There are tons of possibilities -- just smile and be happy with who you are, this is more important in life :)

There were some other things we discussed yesterday...
Accepting a person of who he or she is, will never be easy... It's all about give and take or compromising. There will always be something that we overlook in a relationship as time pass by, we got comfortable on the way we are living with it already -- forgetting the first thing that actually attracted that 2 person together. Salina told me about her story with Yoep, how they met each other and how hard it was when they are together till they got married and have kids.. It's a very valuable journey which taught me that:

1. Effective / proper communication method is vital between 2 person -- it will never works out with 2 hard headed people trying to fight who is right or wrong or 2 very soft headed person who just keep quiet and shy away when problem occurs. When one is being emotional, the other must be calm and focus on what's going wrong. It's always easy said than to be done... but at least I am trying :)
2. Whenever there's anything bothering you in a relationship, always take a deep breath and change your thinking cap from using the heart (emotion) to using your head (logic). I always did this but too bad, I was always the losing one as my head just can fight against the troubled heart of the other :P
3. Dont raise your voice whenever you talk to your partner -- it's all about respect. Dont shout, scream or whatever as this really hurts the other person alot.
4. Always be happy and smile :)
5. And many more............ cant continue.. something is troubling my mind now
   

Weird enough, as I was writing as these, I felt like crying already... dont know why... i just dont know why... Just felt that it's tough and it's not easy.. I am trying my best, my very best of not giving up...
I told Dilla the other day, I nearly give up when things went wrong that day. I was so scared -- not because of hate or anger, but I was scared when that happened.. It reminds me of my dad.. it reminds me of my dad freaking the whole family out with his anger and abusive attitudes.. I was really scared till I cried.. even till today.. I do not want to go through those anymore..

Sometimes, crying is the best method to soothe the heart... I hope it does, for me now :)

Going back to Raub tonight, driving back alone.. Lonely pulak terasa.. :P

Love ya all... Kwan! Please call me la... you still alive or not?

Love,
Shin :)

Bagan Lalang, Sepang - Planning laaahhh....!! :)

At last.. Thanks to Lee Ming that we finally decided to go to Bagan Lalang Beach @ Sepang Gold Coast for our next gathering in July. Pheww.... finally..

Browse through some blogs about it and positive comments were everywhere. I guess I need to pay a visit to the place before I tell the guys that this place is where we will be heading to :)

I really hope the place is nice for a BBQ and also for camping... I really hope we can camp there coz it's been a long time since my last camping -- 6 years back... ouch!

Let me pay a visit to the place and will share with you guys more on it :)

Love,
Shin :P

Grades vs. Gifts :P

"You know, you shouldn't relate good grades with presents!" said the little girl to her brother (which I dont know who is elder..) and the mom and dad totally agree to her saying leaving the son defending himself with his own reasons... :P
I met these 2 kids at the KLCC lrt station with their parents after shopping and the son was bugging the mom (actually making deals) on buying Lego's for him if he get good grades for his exam later on... Lucky kids...

At the same time, it reminds me of my childhood -- how hard me and my sister studied to score good grades or as what they said, flying colors... and guess what, we did... I still remembered that when I was small, Primary One to be exact, for the first mid-term exam, I got #12 in the class of 30 (which I consider is good enough :P). Went home showed my dad the report card and you know what I get? I got a slapped on the face in front of my uncle who dropped by to visit the family -- I was so embarrassed!!! From that moment on I studied so hard for every exam -- maybe because of the embarrassment and pain I got from dad :(

Then in the final year for Primary One, I got #4 in the class... pheww.... a sense of relief....
Worked harder and studied smarter, from Primary 2 onwards till Primary 6, my results were maintained at either #1 or #2 position in the class and the entire batch untill I scored 5 As (straight As) for my UPSR...

Come to think of it -- the motivation behind all these grades of mine was not toys, monetary related nor vacation... The moment I saw that 2 kids at the LRT station is when I realized that I studied so hard to obtained good grades was becacuse of the hunger for attention from my dad and also the fear of him. The thing is, the smarter you are, the better grades you get, dad will love you more and pay more attention to your every needs... Why so? Because when me and my sister scored good grades, we make him proud! So when people asked him about us in school and our performances in exam, he would proudly say the girls are doing great with a big smile on his face :)

On second thought, me and my sis were actually stupid -- look at those kids now. They get whatever they want by doing good or average in school and look at what both of us get back then -- nothing!! Aiyoyo... apalah...

The truth is, kids nowadays are too much with bargains between them and parents -- you want me to make you proud? Ok, buy me this and I'll score good grades! The problem here with kids nowadays is that, they never realized what actually lies beneath those grades -- what it represents and how it could help them during their years in primary and high school. I blame this on the parents of not guiding the children properly and always promise them with gifts and money if they do well in school... Parenting 101 -- FAILED!!
When I have my own kids in the future, I would pray hard that me and my husband will be good and wise parents rather than becoming hostage to all the kids demand... :P

Today is Sunday... Kent went camping in Mount Tahan with the guys and will only be coming back on Tuesday... Missing him already. Hope he's doing fine and dont hurt himself while hiking.. Worried ler :S Haih...

Weather looks god outside, had planned to go for a jog in the park but too bad I need to update my resume (priority now!) and cant go out yet. Perhaps tomorrow... :)
Weather is good here, I wonder how is it back in Mount Tahan... Erm... hope it's not raining anymore coz Kent said it was freezing cold yesterdat night when it rained :S

Time for a quick nap! Wahahaha... Like a pig... :P

Love,
Shin :P

Sleepy...

As I started to talk about mum in the car, it reminds me so badly about the argument we had last Saturday morning... Guilt filled my heart as I couldn't be patience enough when mum started to said things that was untrue about me or laming me for things that go wrong. The one question that always pop up in my mind which i couldn't answer -- "Why must I be the victim of accusation, always??"
Tears started to make their way out from the corner of my eyes as I tried hard to suppress them -- no, I cant cry now especially in the car while Kent was driving or else he'll freak out.. I just keep silent as I always do when something is bothering me or when I was thinking of something deeply...

Sometimes, I really do be in the state of silence... it helps me think clearly of the people and things around me carefully.. It helps me relax when I was unhappy and doesnt know how to handle a certain situation..

11.57PM... forcing myself to stay awake -- erm... think I cant stand the exhaustion anymore... cant even write my blog correctly already.. shall continue tomorrow morning :)

Nite everyone and God bless...

Love,
Shin :)

Gruuuuu..... Grruuuu....

Was a bit lazy when I started to think about going down to the gym -- boring place with 4 glass walls surrounding you... sometimes I felt suffocating inside :P
But no use la... Since Kenneth showed me the big loop in Taman Paramount, I ran for 2 rounds and guess what... I'm addicted to running d.. I would say that running at the park is indeed more challenging than running on the treadmill :P

Tried my best to complete the 5km run on the treadmill -- it took me 39.28 minutes... the timing was so bad (memalukan also) as I used to did around 20 to 25 mins back in school... maybe sudah tua d :P

My stomach is growling now making sounds like "Food! Food! KFC! KFC! McD! Hokkien Mee! Lobak! Rojak!" hahahaha... Think I'll go cook a mee now to feed my stomach :P

Nite everyone.. :)
May tomorrow be another happy hungry day! :P

Love,
Shin :)

A day I Love :)

Never thought I'll get a flower from Kent today, we'll sometimes surprises did happened and you felt it with your heart and not brain :)

Been for courier ride for the past 2 days -- tiring -- but somehow it was fruitful as I learned a lot about their busy routes and it sort of spark up my mind to think of ways to improve their PUD (Pickup & Delivery) Performance as well as the route management... I have to learn more on this...
erm..... if only I knew I would be staying longer with this company then it might motivates me more to get myself busy with all these information :)

Feedback feedback -- overall when the couriers found out that I will be leaving (contract ends) in 3 more months -- not knowing whether they will rener it or not, they wasnt very happy with it.. Questions asked would be "Who am I going to deal with about that stupid reweigh machine?", "Who's gonna help me with the system problem?" and etc... Overall, none of these questions were valid enough to keep my contract alive. Just smile :)

Saranjit from HR was asking for my resume the other day -- Am Investment Bank is hiring -- she said that if i wanted the job (I dont even know what's the portfolio of the job), just send her the resume and the job is mine! Wow! Not bad... but the location is at Jln Raja Chulan -- a very hectis and traffic jam location. You can drive there -- you have to leave very early and get home very late to not stuck in the jam... You can take the public transport -- LRT PUTRA from Taman Bahagia / Kelana Jaya --> KL Sentral --> swith to KL Monorail --> Bukit Nanas ... not easy... but no choice if DHL not going to retain me :S

The week before, Sir Yuz dropped by in KL with Mr.Lobo (hahahah) and we had dinner together -- Dilla and Hasrul were in the group too! :)
It was a very entertaining, memorable and informative evening we had. News about our campus, lecturers, courses, the new students, some gossip and etc etc were the topic of the evening and we all were laughing throughout the dinner... Good to see that Sir Yuz has been promoted ( as what we had always waited for) and other lecturers were doing fine too.... the only one I miss now is Mr.Zul -- manalah manusia ni..?? :S
I hardly forget what Sir Yuz, Sir Tam and Mr.Zul thought me in their classes.. all were my fav subjects.. And I would really love to continue my master in any of those someday :) If only God bless me with that opportunity :)

Thursday -- I'll be meeting Uncle Stephen. Really do miss him a lot since I last met him back in Labuan somewhere in March 2009. He has been a very good listener and mentor to me since the day I knew him and Auntie Siew Kim has been a very caring god-mum :)
Too bad that I dont even have the chance to meet up with Auntie (as it always happens) when she was here last week... maybe she was busy.. :(
I was very excited when Uncle told me that he's dropping by and we'll have dinner with him on Thursday then :P Told Elbert that I'll be bringing someone over.. hehe :P

Had a jog at the Paramount Park yesterday evening -- the big loop, not the regular loop -- and guess what, I was kinda addicted to it already :P
Going to get my new pair of running shoe soon... $300 flying away... :S If only my birthday is next week and I can get it as a present :P hehehhe... dreaming again :P

12.15AM -- time to go under the blankie :)
Guess Ken is still doing his laundry :P

Nite everyone and God bless us all :)

Love,
Shin :)

A Brief One...

Have you ever come to the point where you will cry thinking about your future?
Perhaps no... but today, I did...

Tears just came down and I just cant hold it back when I start to think about my future. My dreams and plans suddenly all seem to be so vague... it cant even be reached for the near 3 years.. not even the simplest one -- my master degree...

Study loan need to be paid... bills need to be paid... car need to be taking care of... mum need to be made happy.. and etc...

Sometimes, things just fell apart without you knowing..
God bless..

Contract = Confusion = Sleepless nights...

"Shin, you free now? Can I have a word with you?"

There goes me and Surin walking over to the HR interview room for a one-to-one private talk...
I always felt glad whenever Surin take the effort to talk to me this way, however today guilt filled my heart more than gladness..

First topic on the plate -- my employment contract -- he said that he had promised me earlier that he would update me on my contract status anytime end of April or early of May so that if there's anything happens, I would have sufficient time to lurk around for a job. However, today he couldnt offer me what I had always wanted or wish to hear from them (the management) -- my contract status still unknown.. meaning that, all of them are not sure yet, the decision is in Yasmin (DHL Express Asia Pacific big boss) hand...

The fact that made me having my confidence built back up a lil by lil was when Surin told me that, indeed there were a number of person a.k.a managers who supported my employment here -- meaning would want me to stay...

Then the second topic on the plate -- "was there anything bothering you for the past month?" -- this was the question asked by Surin which hit me.. perhaps I myself did not really realize the changes in me that he and Salina noticed.. "Your energy level seems to have dropped... as if like you were starting well at 5th gear but for the past month, I noticed that you had swithed to 3rd gear instead..."

Surin's example with the gear thingy was good enough... then he added, not that I did anything wrong or my job is not good.. it's just that it bothers him much when he dont feel that I am happy or as enthusiatic working as when I was nearly joined.. He was worried if I am already bored with the job or if there's some work related stuffs that are bothering me..

It was spontaneous of me to assure my boss that I am doing fine -- nothing related to work that is bothering me -- prehaps more on my personal stuffs..

The fact that my contract is going to end in just another 4 months time really does affecting myself -- day by day without myself realizing the harm it does to my mind -- my mind just cant stop thinking where should I head to after this? What kind of job or company would I be interested? How would all this affected my own plans for the years to come? Will I be able to continue my master with all these shits happening? What about having my own house? What about climbing up the ladder -- when can I manage to achieve this?

All these were wondering in my head as Surin was trying to make me feel comfortable again into my working envronment...

"You know when did I decided to hire you?" -- this was the 3rd unexpected question asked by Surin... "Try to guess"

Then I answered "Right after my interview with you?"
He just shake his head and I remembered every word he told me which made me realized that I had forgotten to be myself -- my very ownself...

Surin told me the fact that he had spotted and wanted to hire me was when I was still an Intern in HR. I first work closely with him was during the Kids Camp and during that time he said he has spotted the staff he wanted to hire into his team.. He said that the way and attitude I showed during the Kids Camp was positive -- for a person / girl to sit under the hot sun doing registration without complaining and keep smiling was what attracted his interest in hiring. "I believe other bosses out there would be glad to have hire you as mch as I do"
Surin did said that he hopes by telling me this it would actually be able to convince me on how glad they are of having me here to work with them and wanting me to stay... I was almost at the point of teary eyes when he said all these but I managed to still hold them back..

Honestly, I wasn't ready to leave yet -- I saw there are tons of opportunities for me to soar if I am able to stay. I know where I want to head to if I am still there... but all these uncertainties really are making me confused and worried all the time.. Without a permanent position, it is hard for me to plan my path... I need a solid ground to step on, being comfortable with it before I start walking on it then start sprinting along the path...

There was a vacancy in DGF (DHL Global Forwarding) which looks interesting -- however it was based in Labuan. Not that I am not willing to travel and work there... with Uncle Stephen and Auntie Siew Kim there, I have nothing to worry... but my heart was reluctant to leave.. I'm gonna miss my mom (and she gonna miss me so much), I'm gonna miss my cat, and of course Kenneth too... who's going to take care of my car? my mum? aiseh... too many things already...

I have my own goals and dreams to reach.. I really do hope I can reach them on time..

Just pray hard everything will be fine...

Love,
Shin :)

Update Update!

Guess I had abandoned this blog for quite some time and honestly, I do felt guilty all the time of not having the time to update about myself and every other things in here... Je suis desole :S

It's been a fruitful yet hectic and stressful month at work. Human management was the key learning thingy of the month -- how to manage people who you working with as well as those who hire you - your boss! :P

Work wise, catching up well. Now I had become the key reference for some when it comes to applications -- I'm glad this is the case :)

Friends wise was even better! Me and my childhood friends (we knew each other since kindergarten and primary and some are in secondary) went to Malacca for a 2 days 1 night trip and it was awesome! We had so much fun together and we really bonded well through the trip. Nothing is more beautiful than having this few buddies who will always there to cheer you up... :)
We will be going for our next trip soon! Perhaps to Pangkor Island this time round... ok ok, who's on the list? Let me check... Shin Khai, Ken Mee, Lee Ming, Chun Ei, Ramesh and maybe Mandy (his gf), Mun Wai and maybe Han Xin :)

Other issues... let me see... started to collect some new comics -- Doraemon (The adventure with friends) while I'm waiting for my 46 copies of Doraemon to be shipped bak from Labuan... :)

Had dinner with Kenneth yesterday, and as usual, our tummy will be rounder than before... one big jar of watermelon juice and orange juice, fish porridge, mee sua, ochien and rojak! nyum nyum... :)

Will be working in Cyberjaya this coming Thursday and Kenneth has volunteered to fetch me there as well as to fetch me back for lunch then send me back to work... sounds a bit mafan him so I had rejected his offer.. guess I can be independent enough to go there :P

Hair is drying up and it's time to sleep soon... nite everyone...

Misses Dilla, Sarah, Uncle Steven and Auntie Kong, Mr.Zul, and Mun Kok so much :)
Wishing they all are in a pink of health and always happy :)

Nite!

Love,
Shin :)

Stupid siblings..

I had tried hard to be strong and not to cry anymore since the last time I did -- somewhere in early February... I had tried be courageous for mom and I had tried hard to stay strong for myself.. but this evening, I had failed to do so.. I cried..

Sometimes, my thoughts and faith go hay-wire dealing with these people who are better known as my siblings. I really dont know why they just love to make me life sucks and complicated... here goes the story...

Last 2 weeks, I took leave just to be prepared to send mom for a health screen and then drive her back to Raub -- which I had planned to go to LHDN and then go take my IC. Suddenly, she told me, she dont want to come to KL -- health screen CANCELED!

Last Sunday, she called again and asked me to take leave on Friday to accompany her for body checkup -- I told her I cant promise as this week I would be very busy and I just taken leave 2 weeks ago, so I need to check with my boss first, she said OK. The fact was, my boss went on leave for Thursday and Friday, Salina will be based in Subang gateway, Vachala will be on leave on Friday and I will be the only one left in the office for the team.. It's not possible for me to take leave on Friday as I had few testings to attend to, con-calls with regional office, audit reports follow up, meeting with scanners vendor and etc... I am really turning myself upside down this week as I need to travel to Subang Airport and Glenmarie, Shah Alam quite frequent too this week -- tomorrow will be going off to Subang Gateway.

The funniest part was when my phone beeps and it was a sms from my sister -- asking me to take leave on Friday as she is very tied up with her work and assuming that I can get off from my work and send mom for the body checkup. She had decided on everything -- booking on the hospital, the doctor, the schedule without even discussing with me whether I can make it that day or time or not. When I replied her that I cant make it and can we change the time, she got upset and then replied me saying that she can settle it by her own and do not need me anymore.

What does she means by do not need me? That is my mother! I care for her as much as anyone did. If she said it that way, it means that she only needed my help to make her profile as a good daughter who is going to pay for all the checkup expenses good. I am only a slave in doing so?

Brother is not working, why dont you asked him to send mom? Why must you force me to take leave when I am not manage to take any leave? Why cant brother sacrifice of not going home Raub just to send mom? Why cant you force him? Why must you force me? Why must all of you bully me and put the fault on me? Why cant you ask bro-in-law to send mom? She's his mom too! Why am I have to be the main bull-eye for you to throw the darts on? Why you have to always treat me this way?

Sometimes, I just dont understand where are the values between us siblings... When did they ever use the word 'please', 'thank you', 'hello' or 'take care' to me? Never... sometimes I am really sick living with such people who do not know how to respect their own sister.

Sick... sick... darn sick...

Madness after all the madness...

It's kinda funny of having such feelings after such a long time... jealousy? No, i dont think so... Hatered? A lil bit I guess.. Unfairness? Erm, maybe..

I was thinking a while ago about the past 3 years.. Not a single photo of me as his gf were posted anywhere online. When asked why dont you create a friendster account (In hope that he'll share our photos together on the web), he will always telling me that it's a waste of time and it's childish. Surprisingly after we broke up, he got sign up with friendster and facebook.. miracle did happens I guess :P .... even better, almost everytime I log in to my FB, I'll get notified on all the photos he's uploaded -- with all his 'sisters' faces in it. Then the silly me started to think (that's why I said that a lil hatered + unsatisfactory) that, I was just nothing to him all along by comparing to those around him now.. my photos were never shared (the happy photos) by him before which made me feeling neglected now (I mean neglected before but realizing it now)...

Kenneth asked do I wanted to share with him my moodiness that I am having now... I was thinking, it's my silliness and I will handle it by myself, I do not ned to bug anyone for my own problem anymore as I scared that I'll scared everyone away with all my problems sharing.. haha :) Thanks Ken anyway.. :)

Next weekend, we will go climbing again. Hopefully this time he wont ask me to belay him -- he's heavy la.. 65kg and I'm only 49kg :P ... But as usual, he will belay me and maybe Ker Soon will be there too this time and man, he's even heavier! 80kg... so, all the belaying work I'll leave it to Mr.Kenneth :P

His dad asked him about me yesterday (he told me through sms) and of course both of us were stunned for a while when knowing this. I just met his dad coincidently in Seremban over a hiking trip and now I was actually shy when the dad was asking about me, why I didnt go to Seremban anymore... It made me think, my previous relationship, the parents dont even know my existence after few years dating with his son... what a shame on me :S

Oh ok fine... it started to rain again... nice to sleep... but I need to work on my projects planning before I go to work tomorrow :)

Sayonara everyone and wish me luck... I hope I will still be sane ater all this madness in my life :)

Love,
Shin :P