Stupid siblings..

I had tried hard to be strong and not to cry anymore since the last time I did -- somewhere in early February... I had tried be courageous for mom and I had tried hard to stay strong for myself.. but this evening, I had failed to do so.. I cried..

Sometimes, my thoughts and faith go hay-wire dealing with these people who are better known as my siblings. I really dont know why they just love to make me life sucks and complicated... here goes the story...

Last 2 weeks, I took leave just to be prepared to send mom for a health screen and then drive her back to Raub -- which I had planned to go to LHDN and then go take my IC. Suddenly, she told me, she dont want to come to KL -- health screen CANCELED!

Last Sunday, she called again and asked me to take leave on Friday to accompany her for body checkup -- I told her I cant promise as this week I would be very busy and I just taken leave 2 weeks ago, so I need to check with my boss first, she said OK. The fact was, my boss went on leave for Thursday and Friday, Salina will be based in Subang gateway, Vachala will be on leave on Friday and I will be the only one left in the office for the team.. It's not possible for me to take leave on Friday as I had few testings to attend to, con-calls with regional office, audit reports follow up, meeting with scanners vendor and etc... I am really turning myself upside down this week as I need to travel to Subang Airport and Glenmarie, Shah Alam quite frequent too this week -- tomorrow will be going off to Subang Gateway.

The funniest part was when my phone beeps and it was a sms from my sister -- asking me to take leave on Friday as she is very tied up with her work and assuming that I can get off from my work and send mom for the body checkup. She had decided on everything -- booking on the hospital, the doctor, the schedule without even discussing with me whether I can make it that day or time or not. When I replied her that I cant make it and can we change the time, she got upset and then replied me saying that she can settle it by her own and do not need me anymore.

What does she means by do not need me? That is my mother! I care for her as much as anyone did. If she said it that way, it means that she only needed my help to make her profile as a good daughter who is going to pay for all the checkup expenses good. I am only a slave in doing so?

Brother is not working, why dont you asked him to send mom? Why must you force me to take leave when I am not manage to take any leave? Why cant brother sacrifice of not going home Raub just to send mom? Why cant you force him? Why must you force me? Why must all of you bully me and put the fault on me? Why cant you ask bro-in-law to send mom? She's his mom too! Why am I have to be the main bull-eye for you to throw the darts on? Why you have to always treat me this way?

Sometimes, I just dont understand where are the values between us siblings... When did they ever use the word 'please', 'thank you', 'hello' or 'take care' to me? Never... sometimes I am really sick living with such people who do not know how to respect their own sister.

Sick... sick... darn sick...

Madness after all the madness...

It's kinda funny of having such feelings after such a long time... jealousy? No, i dont think so... Hatered? A lil bit I guess.. Unfairness? Erm, maybe..

I was thinking a while ago about the past 3 years.. Not a single photo of me as his gf were posted anywhere online. When asked why dont you create a friendster account (In hope that he'll share our photos together on the web), he will always telling me that it's a waste of time and it's childish. Surprisingly after we broke up, he got sign up with friendster and facebook.. miracle did happens I guess :P .... even better, almost everytime I log in to my FB, I'll get notified on all the photos he's uploaded -- with all his 'sisters' faces in it. Then the silly me started to think (that's why I said that a lil hatered + unsatisfactory) that, I was just nothing to him all along by comparing to those around him now.. my photos were never shared (the happy photos) by him before which made me feeling neglected now (I mean neglected before but realizing it now)...

Kenneth asked do I wanted to share with him my moodiness that I am having now... I was thinking, it's my silliness and I will handle it by myself, I do not ned to bug anyone for my own problem anymore as I scared that I'll scared everyone away with all my problems sharing.. haha :) Thanks Ken anyway.. :)

Next weekend, we will go climbing again. Hopefully this time he wont ask me to belay him -- he's heavy la.. 65kg and I'm only 49kg :P ... But as usual, he will belay me and maybe Ker Soon will be there too this time and man, he's even heavier! 80kg... so, all the belaying work I'll leave it to Mr.Kenneth :P

His dad asked him about me yesterday (he told me through sms) and of course both of us were stunned for a while when knowing this. I just met his dad coincidently in Seremban over a hiking trip and now I was actually shy when the dad was asking about me, why I didnt go to Seremban anymore... It made me think, my previous relationship, the parents dont even know my existence after few years dating with his son... what a shame on me :S

Oh ok fine... it started to rain again... nice to sleep... but I need to work on my projects planning before I go to work tomorrow :)

Sayonara everyone and wish me luck... I hope I will still be sane ater all this madness in my life :)

Love,
Shin :P

Tioman oh Tioman!!

Saw Lydia's photos on Facebook -- Tioman trip and it made me longing so much to go there for a short relax vacation. I am really looking forward to plan my vacation there no matter what, gonna save up money and Tioman, here I come!!

Few faces came into mind when I think of who to go there with -- Dilla, Elbert, Kenneth, Kwan, Yen or maybe my hometown gang! Aiya, dont know la... let me plan properly first :)

Got back from Labuan yesterday and felt relieved. I miss Auntie a lot as well as her cooking. I miss the moments me and the others (especially Kwan and Tink Tink) having fun camping in the living hall and have fun teasing each other. Really miss them. The trip back there was fruitful enough despite the fact that I was forcing myself to smile sometimes :P

Then when we ( Elbert, Evon and me) reached KL, Kenneth said he'll come and fetch me and coincidently that Elbert and Evon need a ride home so I was trying my luck by asking Kennth to send them home -- and he said no problem. The only thing that I felt guilty was that he just came back from the Gunung Irau camping trip on Sunday late evening and then he pula said he wanted to come and fetch me -- no tired ka this fellar? :)

After sending them home, we went to Bandar Puteri Puchong for lunch -- Indon Cuisine. It was great and I like that place a lot. The food was ok (with grade B+ given by me) just that the sambal belacan was not spicy at all and Kenneth was complaining about it :P

Then he pass me a SpongeBob key chain he bought for me from Lego. It was so cute. Hahaha, he got himself a Star Wars fellar but definately mine was nicer!

Today in office were kind bored as my mind was fully occupied with con-calls and meetings. I felt tired and sleepy with them arguing over something that had been discussed and agreed earlier -- sometimes this people just never stop.. Hahaha... :)

My trip back to Labuan, I didnt manage to get hold of Sir Yuz, Sir Tam and Zul. I guess they were busy as I were busy too :P I am looking forward to meet them soon -- Sir Tam said he'll come here soon and Zul is already back here in peninsula. Sir Yuz... bila la saya boleh jumpa sir and borak borak ar?? :S

Hahaha.. ok ok, going to dry my clothes and get some good rest :)

Nite ya all!

Love,
Shin :)

Cracked!

I was sitting there and thinking -- how should I reply this stupid email. Ok, the story is as follow.. He sent the MC3000 scanner to Faeez for some application installation and guess what! The monitor screen was cracked! The first thing Faeez did was he ran over to Ops and showed me and the next first smart thing I did was to take my camera and snap some photos of it as evidence! So, the next day Faeez sent a mail informing them about the damage and guess what this idiot reply? "We always sent scanner for repair and never cases like this happen before. I have to investigate!"

Then at last I replied, "If the scanner is cracked due to poor shipment packaging, then this is definitely unacceptable! The scanner has to be wrapped with bubble wrapper or in a padded box in order to avoid it from being damaged as such. Repairing a cracked monitor is very expensive and FYI it costs us 250USD per unit. We are trying hard to save cost on maintenance and hence, this is definitely demotivating our effort!"... there are some other points in the email but I guess this is enough to be shared ... Sometimes, I just dont know how some people can made such mistakes with such simple process. Please la brader! Use your common sense! :S

Network maintenance tonight at 10PM, GDA maintainence on Sunday midnight, GDA another maintenance on next Sunday... Luckily, all these does not affect our shipment processing.

Been having bad dreams lately -- of me died in the dream, of my mom leaving me, of me falling over a cliff, of me crashing myself in an accident... wow! I didnt even manage to have a good night sleep for the past 2 weeks :S Guess I need a vacation now -- luckily I am going over to Labuan tomorrow, at least somewhere that i can wind up my head from the busy KL life :P

Mr. K had been smsing me today, but I just dont feel like replying him much due to what happened yesterday. I felt uncomfortable when he called, being grumpy (a lil bit) and I just dont know what or how cheer him up -- as i dont expect myself having the need to do so :S I mean I can cheer him up, but I just dont feel like doing so and in the end I forced myself to create topics to chat with him and make him feel better. Normally we wont be having any problem in conversationing -- we talked about everything and it clicks! Music, movies, cartoons, dramas, sports, pets, house, and especially food! :)

Maybe I was hoping to have someone that who is mature enough to be with, or maybe I am no longer in the state of needing someone to be with -- sometimes when I think of it, it kinda make me sick :S I felt more comfortable being by myself, honestly. Doing whatever I always wanted to do without someone standing behind me pulling my sleeves and said "NO" or "STOP". I miss the feeling of being independent and I am enjoying it as well as growing up more with it :)

Vachala asked me again today, how's my future love life going on -- my response was "Jaw dropped with lots of ??? marks" hahahha... I said "Maam, I duit pun belum ade, kerja bertimbun, I tak ade masa la. Sesak nafas nanti! :P" As usual, she will dragged me to her place and start lecturing me on this.. haha... She's is really a nice lady and I love to talk to her :)

Ouch, need to sleep now, getting late and need to get up early -- heading to airport!

Nite ya all!

Love,
Shin :)

Jammed.....

I was a bit reluctant to go back to Labuan actually -- as I really wish to set my mind free from something I dont even want to think about. However, I really miss Uncle Stephen and Auntie Kong, not forgetting my good looking buddy, Mr.Zul back there. I am really looking forward to meet them especially Zul, coz there's been a lot to gossip with him about :P

I need to travel to EPJ, Glenmarie tomorrow -- a bit lazy but thinking of my future, it motivates me more. There's been a lot to do, but I dont seem to be able to finish them yet -- applications upgrade, BRS, new cost saving implementation, AP TSP Audit and also some projects that I had been assigned as PM (Project Manager) that I must do well in. Oppss... nearly forget about the tickets cost saving project that I'm gonna run which will save us 13 euro per ticket raised -- roughly a month user will raise 30+ tickets... man, that's a lot!! :P

Today NKVE was very jammed... Had to be bad when I'm on the highway to get myself through the lane :P ... and my phone keep beeping -- sms from Kenneth telling me to be careful on the road. Yes sir! Will do! :)

Sree (IT Manager) was chatting with me, and he really supports me on my career path here in DHL. I was delighted to know that he gets positive feedback from people around about me working with them. Surin too, told me yesterday that, everyone (the managers and GSM) are trying to keep me in, he said unless I had something else in my mind :P ... I really need to push myself more for this period of time. There was one thing that Surin said and I wasnt sure what does he means -- "If we can get you to stay permenantly in this company, I can see you going far"... I'm not dare to assume anything yet as everything is still so vague.. :)

SMS came in again and Mr. Kenneth asking me to go to sleep :) ... Today, Sree asked me about Mr.V and Mr.Kits (OMG!).. and after my explaination, luckily Sree understands what I was trying to say -- I'm not interested! Hahaha... Please stop linking me with them, I dont even talk to them or deal with them in any project except with Mr.Kits sometimes due to PCGOP machine breakdown and so on... :S

Cant tahan d... need to sleep.... zzzzzzz.... :)

Love,
Shin :)