Let it go :)

As life moves on, there are lessons to be learnt along the way... We have to let go whatever no longer belongs to us and we have to accept that fact.

I had been thinking this way since the day it happened -- 26th Sept 08. Of course, I never deny the fact that I was really trying hard to hold on to the relationship. Everytime a 'break-up' word was used, I numb myself by fighting hard to kill or destroy that word between us. I had tried many uncountable times. For me, the thing was, I was having this unbelieveable strong faith keep on telling me that we can make it through this time, we will be together and we will be happier tomorrow... but, it's always like a cycle -- when it was up and running again, there will be a day that it will come down again. I believe strongly this is the way of life and no matter what happened, we have to hold on to it and never let go.

Without denying any fact, I still do miss him a lot when we just broke off. Till the day I went back and it doesnt seem to turn out the way I wish it would be -- I do admit that, it was that night in Labuan, in my room that I told myself, "It's enough Shin Khai. You have to move on and there's no use for you to keep looking back and hoping for something that is so vague.".... That was the time I really learn hard to let go and set myself free and prioritize on the things I wanted in my life..

I'm proud to myself that I am able to set myself free from this emotional torture fast enough -- somewhere in Dec I guess -- by drowning myself with music, work, gym, climbing and of course jokes with friends and collegues :P That's when I found I am happier this way by being the real me -- doing silly things -- listening to iPod in the station and dancing, taking silly photos with friends, saying silly crazy things and make everyone laugh and most of all, my mom is happy with this 'me' now...

Many guys came into picture since I started working -- even after my breakup -- but I just take a few steps away from them. I dont want to make them confused as I do not want to be something more than friends to them. When I look at these guys -- they are great, with career, car, smart looking and some even have theirown house already... but I dont think i want all these, basically these are not what value to me -- I elieve I can have the same things too in the future, just give me some time :) The matter is, my heart is closed. I cant accept anyone nor anything realated at the moment. When Mun Wai asked me why, I answered him -- fear and confidence. I have fear in them, thinking that it might be a failed one again and I am reluctant to go through that process again. So, I joke with him during CNY that maybe I'll just enjoy being alone :) Silly thoughts he said...

I guss fairy tales just never happened to me -- I would be the Sleeping Beauty or Repunzle that are trapped in the tower guarded by the big dragon (fear) which will kill any prince that come near to save me... haha... guess it's life..

Ok, going to get myself ready to go back Raub. Chun Ei and Chia Chi are already back waiting me to go back play 'rummee' and Mun Wai is perhaps still somewhere in Temerloh -- eh, drive fast fast ah! :P

I knew Chun Ei and Mun Wai since 13 -- 10 years buddies and Chia Chi since we were 7 years old. These are my buddies that I am really glad having them around me. :)

Happy Thaipusam everyone and Happy Chap Goh Mei too!

Love,
Shin :P