I miss her...

"Hello?"
"Hello, B ah?"
"Ah'a, sis?"
"You guys still at home? Haven't come back yet?"
"No, not yet. Bro Jea Hoe said we'll leave at 7pm later"
"Ok then. So, you guys will eat before leaving right?"
"Yup"
"OK"
"Bye sis".....

I felt a sudden of happiness within me when I heard my sis called me 'Ah B' over the phone. It's been a long time since she had called me by that and to talk to me in that voice I had been missing so much till now. After a while of letting go and ignorance, I had realized that, it's been quite a long time we had never spoken to each other face to face nor in phone conversation. Everything was just silence and few sms for a month -- that's how we communicate.

She is my big sister -- she used to decide everything in my life and she was my inspiration and motivation. She was so good in everything that I look up on her from my childhood till I was sane enough to make my own decision. Anywa, for ya information, our age gap is 10 years :)

I still remember that when I was younger, I used to received birthday cards, christmas gifts and some good luck cards every year and during my every major examinations. I still remember and kept all those things she gave me -- simple but meaningful to me. I remember there was this long rabbit card she gave me during my 12th birthday and also a good luck card for my UPSR that year... I received a big Pink Piggy soft toy during 2005 Valentines' Day -- my first Valentines' present ever... I love it so much..

But... I guess everything had changed now...

On my way back from Raub to KL, while I was risking my life with my brother terrible driving (the speed and ignorance of safety), my eyes were actually full with tears when I thought of my sister -- I realized how much I miss her everyday, the moments as sisters that we had spent once. Altough we see each other everyday (coz we are living in the same house), but the feeling I get from her was different -- I fear of her, I felt totally stranger in this house, I dont know how to face her after all those methods I had tried earlier (when I just got here in KL). Everything failed earlier which makes me afraid to approach her again. So, I had chosen to just closed one of my eyes and let it be...

I guess no one would understand how I felt -- as I had shared this with the one I cared and love so much before, but the critics to me was that I'm just silly to be bothered by this. I just want to let the person know, she is my sister...

One thing for sure, I thank God for blessing me with her. Without her, I dont think I can continue my studies as I had if I was hoping for help from my 2 brothers.. Without her, I dont think this is the place I'll be now...

I just hope she know and understand that I love her as much before. Nothing had changed...

Love,
Shin